Sunday, November 28, 2010

Shirtless On Facebook

First of all I would like to wish everyone a belated happy thanksgiving, better late than never I guess.

I for one enjoyed watching a couple of N.F.L games and just enjoy a quite night. I'm also looking forward to next Thursday, when Lebron comes back to Cleveland. I know I'm going to stay up for that one.

I had a day off last week and had the chance to spend some time on facebook, and it got me thinking. It brought to my head thoughts about the "typical" out gay man.

I can't define the type to small details, but i took a look at a lot of profiles of gay guys.

Not because it was research, but because, I'm gay, I'm a guy and there are a lot of hot guys on facebook, none of them will get a friends request for me, but nobody said I can't at least take a look and enjoy.

While I was enjoying myself, I started thinking a little bit about the "typical" out gay. I think that there is much more pictures of shirtless guys, or guys wearing almost nothing that are gay.

They label themselves as interested in men than straight guys that are shirtless. Again, it's not that I'm judging, i think that there is just something when you are gay and out, again, it's not everyone, and i don't want to categorize, but it's just easy to see for the most part, at least on facebook.

I think that there are a lot of gay guys that are out and feel that being gay is already different and radical in a way, compared to the bigger percentage of the population that they feel it's easier to be more daring or more straight forward than most people.

In general a lot of guys that are out feel that they already pushed the boundaries so they just go with it. In my opinion a lot of the things are cool and acceptable, it's not like anyone has to check gay guys profiles if they don't want.

Basically my thing is that it's just different a lot of times, what gay guys and also girls allow themselves, there are just more out there and power to them. (we are here and we are queer :),

The only problem I have is when being out turns into a problem towards those who aren't. I can respect and understand guys who don't want to date or go out with guys in the closet, and unfortunately it has also happened to me once, but that's fine and that's a legitimate decision just like any other relationship decision,

However when being out means you have to out anyone you know that is gay just because you are out, that's when the problem starts, at least for me. There are those who feel that gays have to be out and have to show the strength of the community and that they aren't ashamed of being gay.

Those same people, at least in my book are fanatics, that don't care about anyone but themselves and can't accept that people have their reasons for staying in the closet and that it's their damn right to do so. They see the world as black and white with no gray in the middle, its either you are gay and then everyone needs to know or your straight.

Especially I hate how there are always talks about famous people. whether in sports, music or television who might be gay and how gay groups or the kind of people, that I just mention have a desire to bring those people out to make the gay community good luck, again, with no care about their reasons and their life,

I can sum it up with one sentence, all you got guys that are shirtless on facebook, I just got one thing to say, THANK YOU....

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Porn And Bareback

Hey Again.

I was happy to read the comments and get a couple of emails about my last post. I didn't know what other people think about that subject and I was happy to hear and see that are other people that have the same thoughts as I do on the subject.

Another thing that came to my mind during this post and reading the comments was the subject of bareback sex. I know that there are a lot of guys that feel the sex is better without a condom and even though it's highly dangerous they still do it.

I can't go and criticize the way they choose to live their life, but the fact that so many porn sites show bareback or use it to get people to log on, ( or get off ) seems so problematic to me.

It's problematic in two departments, at least in my opinion. The first is that they send the wrong message to gays watching porn, when a lot of times like I mentioned last week there are young teenagers out there watching.

I really think that young guys out there who don't have a role model or someone to learn what’s right and what's wrong, because they aren't out, can really get the wrong message from all this, and maybe see an actor as a role model or gay porn, or in this matter bareback gay porn as something that's legit or welcomed.

And secondly the fact that the "actors" do it and risk their own health is something I find disturbing. I know that a lot of times it's another way to make a living and probably they get paid more for having sex without a condom.

I also know that the results can be horrible, and affect people's life in a way they can't imagine or don't think about at that moment. I know that all of us have those thoughts that we are invisible and to us it won't happen, but in the end it always happens to someone.

I know that also that there is the same matter of straight porn sites that have a man and woman having sex with no condom, and I think it's just as bad.

However, In the end of the day, HIV, is a social stigma related with the gay community, even though it's not necessarily true, it doesn't really matter. I know that porn sites and porn companies only care about making money, just like any other business, but I feel that the results can be catastrophic.

While I don't expect gay porn or gay porn actors to set a example for what's right and wrong, I just think that it's sad in a way, the results it can have on them and on the community watching is something that really gets to me.

I don't know if I sound old fashioned, but It's a strong opinion that I carry. Gay porn is cool, it's nice, it turns you on, and each one in his own way, but the results that can come with it is sometimes too much, at least in my book, at least concerning bareback sex. The gay "community" a lot of times is "put out there" sometimes by their own will and sometimes by others as different from other "communities".

I just think we have a bigger responsibility to promote safe sex and the right sexual behavior, especially with the stigma already attached by a lot of people to "gay people".

While I don't expect gay porn sites to do it, I expect it to come from others, who exactly? It's hard to say, it might be naive to say from leading gay actors who need to do more to call out the bareback issue.

It might be naïve to say from leading gay figures out there who have influence especially on youth, or maybe when I think about it a little more, it’s just me being naïve.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Gay Porn

I think the title speaks for itself, I will add that my thoughts are mostly concerning gay porn.This my come to you as a shock, but
I usually don't watch straight porn. I know it's harsh to hear, but sometimes I have to be honest about things, LOL.

Since I don't meet guys right and left and during the year I'm usually alone, I, like most of the people I know watch porn from time to time.
Without going into details about my favorite websites and actors, JK.

I have some thoughts about the porn itself, I know that there are all kind of gay and straight porn, that fits to the likings of each person and each one's own thoughts.

However, at least in my opinion, that porn sometimes leads man or teenagers to get the wrong idea about sex. In most porn videos that involve anal sex, I can't call it love making, it comes off more as a violent act.

A lot of times the guy who is on top just looks like he is trying to "hurt" his partner. I know it's different with each person, but I don't think those videos show anything about the real "potential" of sex. Not the real enjoyment that two people can have while translating the feelings and the desire they have for one another into actions.

To be honest, even if I watch porn, I never watch the anal part, not because I like it or not, but because it just gives me a feeling of something violent and not something joyful, as I said before.

Unfortunately, in my opinion at least, it's a bigger problem in the gay community, because in our community most kids and teenagers grow up alone, feeling different. In the younger stages and usually don't share their feelings and preferences with other people.

A thing that leads to them settling for watching porn online, without having anyone to talk to, without having the "authorization" to talk about sex and to learn about sex, like the same kids in their age who happen to be straight.

I think that's what a lot of times gives gay man the wrong idea and the wrong thoughts about gay sex, the only way they see it happen is through those same videos that most of the time just educates them wrong and gives them the wrong notion about sex.

I mentioned a couple of times in my blog that I'm also homophobic and it's something that I'm dealing with and feeling better about all the time, but I think that's also a problem I had.

I grew up alone without no one knowing and the idea of sex was what I saw online. It's probably also the reason that I had problems seeing sex as it should be seen, because all I saw was basically one guy hurting the guy he is having sex with, by just using him as an object.

I didn't see any warmth or any smiles from both of the guys, at least most of the time, but just pictures of pain. Again, I know nothing is as simple, but growing up I didn't have the same possibilities and the same options of reading, hearing, and going out and maybe getting a better idea of what sex is all about.

I believe that there are a lot more just like me out there, who grew up in the same situation and got the same wrong idea about sex. Today, that's the reason I don't watch any anal sex online, I know it doesn't reflect on the way I would want things to be and the way I would like to think about sex.

When we gay men think of sex the way it's shown a lot of times it's easy to reflect about it as something humiliating and not something special, and from there it's very easy to develop our homophobic side, because most of us, or at least me, can't have any positives thoughts about sex with the videos that there are out there.

I always mention that on this topics I know everyone has his own opinion and ideas, and some may think about it differently, and of course each one's opinion is legitimate, this just happens to be mine.

Enjoy the rest of the week...

Monday, November 1, 2010

Obama and DADT

Hey, hope everyone is enjoying the beginning of a new week.

First of all, I was asked what do I think about I.A and if he still has it.I'm pretty sure it's going to be very interesting, I think he will control his team and probably be very dominate.

With the style of play overseas he is bond to attract a lot of attention, including a lot of double ups and things of that nature, so
I guess it's up to him and the way he decides to play, but it's going to be interesting, and that I can grantee.

leaving basketball for a second. I was reading a couple of articles about Barak Obama and him being in office for two years.

I haven't gotten the chance to write about it too much, and I'm sure everyone has a different opinion and what they think he has done
right and what he has failed to do.

For me the first main thing is that the things expected of him were just too many, people thought that he is going to change the world
and the U.S in five minutes and basically be a magician.

We all know that this is more wishful thinking than reality, but I do support a lot of things that he has done.

I think his reform in health care is something major, the fact that families with financial problems and no money for medical insurance
can now be able to afford more things and be able to take care of their family in a better way says enough by itself.

I know that there are a lot out there that make a good living and have a lot of money and they feel like it's not their problem.

And they are angry that they have to pay more tax in order to finance the health care reform, but it's not a big sum and I see no
wrong in people that are making more than 200,000 having to pay a little more in order to help the less fortunate.

I can't say that I know exactly every little detail about the reform, but I can just say that I'm happy it's happening.

If we take the gay subject, I feel like things are also moving in the right direction, at least the things I heard about. If we take DADT
and the change that is happening around it, from the possibility of trying to find a better solution until the decision that allows openly
gay men to join the army.

I know that the pentagon is still against the decision that was just made by the courts and that people say that gay men should still be
careful before declaring their sexuality, because if the decision might be reversed they will have a problem since they are out in the

But the fact that the DADT was up for discussion and the concept of changing the policy is already a move in the right step in my book. I
met a gay guy two years back that his dream was to be in the army and even though it's not a done deal yet.

The first thing that came to mind when I read about the court's decision was that same guy that just wanted to be in the army and might have the option to do it.

I just read about a survey that was taking in the army, where most soldiers said they wouldn't object to surviving with gay men.

I believe that besides the fact that it's always good to hear things of that nature, the bottom line is that people who want to fight for
their country need to be able to do so without anyone caring about
their sexual preferences.

I must admit that I don't know all the information and I might be missing out on some of the things around the subjects I mentioned,
but I'm just writing down the general feeling that I have.

I for one was happy when Obama was elected and I still believe that he can do good for this nation. It wasn't easy starting off with the
financial crisis, but I'm still optimistic that things will change for the good, but only time will tell.

P.S - I still hope the Heat lose as often as possible, something
bothers me about a team with so many starts, LOL