Monday, June 4, 2012

Another Vacation

Hey everyone,

Hope all is well with everyone and that those who follow basketball are enjoying the playoffs. With time, besides being a Heat hater i'm also quite the Celtics fan, so i'm happy with the situation.

Out west I just want which ever team has the bigger chance of beating the Heat to come out victorious, but I don't really know who that will be, guess only time will tell.

Any way, is you can all guess, the season is over and i'm already on my vacation, hasn't been 2 long, but it has started. On the first day I met my, I don't really know what to call him, but the guy I met last year and visited me during the season. I will call him Tom, it will just be easier.

We had a great couple of days, it was fun as always and I enjoyed our time together. One night when we were just laying in bed I brought up a couple of things that bothered me.

Not in the sense that I believed he could change or that things could really be serious, but I brought it up cause I care about him and if he wants any chance of a future with someone, which is probably not me, he has to know and at least try to work on it, for his own sake.

I thought that this would probably have an impact, and I was right, it happened faster than i thought, he was supposed to come over after work, which he did, but he told me on the way that we need to talk. He sat me down and explained that I was right about what I said and that he needs to think and so on and so on.

I really know the truth, and it's simple, every time he feels that someone is having strong feelings for him, giving him affection, love or however you want to call it, he feels it's too much and he has to run away.

All of us, or at least most of us have issues with being loved, even though i'm sure most of us aren't aware to it. At least this time around he didn't run, but came and talked to me, which was better than I have gotten used to.

It made me pretty sad to be honest, I know things well end soon, but didn't think that soon. Anyway, I decided not to sit around on my vacation and do nothing, so I decided to at least go out that night and dance and enjoy myself a little.

Of course when I got to the place he was there also, when I saw him it made me feel pretty bad, now I decided to be the mature one and say hello, he was very close to me and sitting down. I came up to him, gave him a little pat on the head and smiled and moved back, his reaction was pretty mean. I'm guessing he didn't know how to behave, but it made me feel pretty shitty.

Again, I know it's also my issues, not just him, but at that moment I felt like breaking a table over his head, i was really hurt, something that hasn't happened too much with him. Yeah, I was disappointed in the past, but I knew it wasn't done on purpose, but that one hurt me.

After a couple of days, I decided that the vacation must go on, I'm not going to sit around and do nothing. I met a guy through the internet and we met up for a date. It was really great, he was more my type, he's funny and good looking and a really nice guy.

We had a great time, I walked him home and we exchanged numbers, he didn't really have time yesterday, but we will see about today, I really like him. To some excitant I always knew that Tom (a.k.a guy from last year) and the relationship with him was also build on me enjoying having someone and feeling something different than I knew before.

More than falling for him as a person, I won't lie, I love spending time with him, but we really don't belong in the same world and don't share any common interests or anything of the sort, like I answered a good friend of mine that asked me what do we have in common, so I told her that he is cute, that's enough for me.

About the guy that I just met, I don't really think I'm going to hear from him again, for someone reason I still worry that I'm attracted to people who aren't able to give me what I want, if it's a relationship, commitment or just be there for me.

 I pretty much got over the random sex thing and if a couple of years ago I would do it and just want to leave after, today I only find myself hanging out with people that I would be happy to spend the day with also, and not just the night.

So it's something good on the one side, but still worries me that I find myself attracted to people that aren't surely what I want or deserve. It's funny, when I go out to clubs, I really get hit on all the time, maybe I'm saying this to boost my ego, even though none of you really know me, but to be honest it's funny.

I can get hit on by 15 guys and not like any of them, which is the case 95 % of the time. I mean, basically only guys that I approach are guys that I want to hang out with, which make sense, but still you would expect that at least I would like some of the guys who come up to me, go figure.

So the vacation continues, I'm trying to have fun, thinking about starting to work out already towards next year and waiting to see what the day brings. Somewhere inside I still hope to hear from Tom, but i'm surely not going to be the one making the first move.

That's more or less the situation for now, have a good one and thanks again for listening/ reading.