Friday, December 31, 2010

Here We Go Again

Hey to all my friends out there, before we talk about 2010 and the future that has yet to come, I just noticed that soon enough I will
be celebrating my own birthday, in around ten days this blog will be a year old. I didn't think it would last so long, but little did I know.
I will have more on that once the birthday is around the corner, you are all invited to the party.

Well, this last year has been a significant one to the gay community, with the latest news, the repeal of DADT that was for sure the event of the year.

Through the courts decision to decide against proposition 8, through small local events that happened all year long, along with President Obama true intent to help the gay community and their rights.

It really is a step in the right direction, I know and all of you know that there is still a lot more to do, but just the news and the fact that there is will to do things and change things puts a smile on my face. I hope the next move will be allowing gay couples to marry all over the country, well we have a whole year for that, don't we ?

I must say that even though I'm gay, I usually didn't spend to much time following those events and the events and the struggles of the gay community, thanks to this blog I meet some friends who helped me be more informed and helped me be on top of things, and for that I'm grateful.

I have been going through a process in the last years of my life, a process of accepting myself and living in peace with myself, even though I'm gay. I always admit that I'm not all the way there yet, but I'm a much better person and have a much better feeling about myself than I used to have.

I'm not someone who believes that every person that says something offensive towards the gay community should be stoned and hung. I don't think that every issue needs to be fought and every subject brought up to discussion, cause in someways we also want to be looked at as normal and part of the human race.

Gladly enough there were a lot of good fights that the gay community took part in this year and for this I'm glad, like I said, I won't be in the first line of the protests and I won't be carrying signs, but I will always be hoping.

In my heart I always carry with me the thought of young girls or boys, that there only sin in life is being gay. I always hope that the world will be a little brighter for them, a little better, a little more tolerant, I just want them to experience love and to feel good with themselves. I want them to be able to live life to the fullest, whether they live in the USA, Europe, Or god knows where.

I guess what I'm saying is that I just want them to feel they way that I didn't when I was growing up. The way a lot of other guys my age and older than me didn't feel when they were young. I know that we have ways to go, but that Innocent boy or that innocent girl deserve to be just like everyone else, to be young and happy just like any normal kid.

I know that being gay is different, I know it's not like everyone else, and in someway it's not the norm, but no one said that being different is wrong, that being different is not OK, that being different should get you punished in life.

I know the statistics of young girls and boys commuting suicide because of their sexual preferences and it breaks my heart, to read that More than 1/3 of LGB youth report having made a suicide attempts leaves me speechless.

There are so many ignorant people out there, that bully others and try to take their frustrations on others that sometimes its just too much to handle. I know I cant do much and that hurts me, I'm writing this and my whole body is shivering, sadly enough we live in a world that isn't far and that's the harsh reality.

I really wish there was something that I could do and I do think about it. Maybe if I do come out and even one kid that will understand that being gay doesn't mean you can't succeed in life and can't make your dreams come true it would be worth it, but for now It's just too much to lose.

It's disappointing to say, but there isn't been any change in the team sports area, I mean, no new gay comers or no stories that are pointing to a new direction, but that's life and I will deal with it as we move on.

Anyway, it's still a new year and we don't want to get all depressed. So I really wish everyone a happy new year, I hope 2011 will be great for all of you.
I hope that everyone will be happy in his personal life, that the gay community will continue to achieve new and great things for all of us. I hope that we will all meet here next year, happy and content with our own lives.

Just before I finish, I really ask from all of you to appreciate the good things in life, we are all ambitious and want more, but we can't forget what we have right now. Tell all those close to you that they are important to you and that you appreciate their presence in your life. For all of us who haven't found that yet, I hope 2011 will bring news in this department also.

I know that most of the readers don't comment on my posts and just read, but I would be happy if we could just wish each other a happy new year, I will be the first to give it a go, and I hope that you will follow me.


Friday, December 24, 2010

A Very Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone, I would sing you a couple of songs, but I don't want to ruin your holiday. I hope everyone is with his love ones, enjoying some good food and good quality time with the people you care about.

A time like this is maybe just the perfect time to talk about the great achievement of the gay community this week. Of course I'm talking about the repeal of DADT.

It was great news, and something that should have happened a long time ago.

I have a friend that emailed me all through this time and helped me stay in the picture and be on top of things, so I was more excited to hear the news. I read articles from all over the world, in some way it's saddening that it took so long to happen, but like they say, better late than never. President Obama kept his promise and indeed repealed DADT.

My first question was should I enlist now? Since I know the marines are looking for a few good men, but a friend told me that they will find enough soldiers without me helping out. lol.

I wrote about this a couple of months ago, I truly believe that a person that wants to serve his country should be able to do so no matter what, Gay, Black or White.

I also read the big survey that was taken in order to evaluate the willingness of service men to serve along gay men, of course I was happy to see that most guys didn't make a big deal out of it.

On the other hand, it was also naive, even though gay people that were out couldn't join the army, there are so many gay men that aren't out and are in the service, just like everywhere in life. They say that one out of every ten man is gay, so where the hell is everyone? The answer is simple; they are just out there, being a part of the normal world.

Some of them don't want to come out, some rather live a lie and have a straight family, but they are there and they always were. In the army, in sports, in politics, in business.

What just brings me to the point that everyone has served with gay men and everyone knows someone who is gay, even if they don't know for a fact, and I'm sure once they get to now a person and get along with them, they will trust him with their life, even if they find out that he is gay.

I also laughed when I read on the survey about soldiers who are worried that they might have to shower along gay guys. That just shows homophobia in its best and it shows that they also have questions about themselves.

They might worry that something will start "waking up" when they see another guy naked, I can promise them no one will jump them in the shower.

I know that today's post was a little more formal, but I think that this is a real big thing, a real exciting thing and something that people fought for since we all remember ourselves.

It's just another step in accepting that a gay person is entitled to do everything a straight person can do, even serve in the army and be "the best they can be".

I will close this post with a personal story: In one of my vacations, I got the chance to meet a cute guy overseas; he turned out to be American. He also turned out to be a smart, genuine person.

We got to talk a lot and met around three times, when we were talking he told me his dream was to be a pilot and serve in the air force, but he also told me that he couldn't because he was out and wouldn't be recruited because of it.

He went on to tell me that he hopes so deeply and so badly that DADT will be repealed and that he could join the army. Needless to say that we haven't kept in touch, but he was the first one that i was thinking of as I heard the news, I was so happy for him. Happy for someone that can fulfill his dream and the fact that he likes guy's doesn't need to affect his life in any way.

I believe in the sentence that good things happen to good people. SO this post goes out to him, he will never read it and never know about it, but that doesn't change anything in my book.

Next station on our path is DOMA, and then the world, JK...

Merry Christmas to you all my dear friends, don't forget to enjoy the gift of love, along with your partners, May they be gay or straight, black or white. Remember to give them a big kiss on behalf of us who are still waiting to meet the right one.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Follow Up Post


Woke up to see 2 comments, interesting once that I wanted to reply.

First to Jordan, I'm not sure where you are from, but I'm sure there are better places, just by the "sound" of your comment. I got the feeling that the town you are in is not one of the best known for their gay scene.

I don't want it to come around like everywhere I go is just amazing and every gay party has an amazing crowd or special people. There are all kinds of guys and each one likes different guys.

You will always find a lot of feminine guys in the partying scene, they are more outgoing usually and feel they can do what ever they want, and feel like that on the dance floor( which is great). There are also more manly guys and more muscular types, some with too much muscles, at least in my opinion.

Usually you can find a couple of guys that are right up your ally, and some guys who aren't exactly your dream date, but I guess nothing is perfect.

As for the Average Gay Dude, I wanted to email you with an answer, but I don't have your email, so that didn't work out. About experiencing something different.

I guess it comes with time and with a feeling of readiness, even though going to a gay place for the first time is terrifying, it's just something that you have to go through for the first couple of times.

When I went out for the first time, and I wrote about it in my blog, I would get so nervous it was unbelievable, more than any basketball game I ever played, more than anything I ever experienced.

But now, after I have had some experience I just go in there, with a heart bit that is just a little faster, but nothing serious. I'm sure that being around more than two gay guys at a time will take some getting used to.

I have been going out by myself 90% of the times I have gone out, sometimes there were creeps and weirdos that can hassle you a little bit, but you also learn how to avoid them, or just cut things short. basically what I wanted to say is that when you will reach the stage of going out, give yourself a little working room and put your brave hat on and just do it :) .

Last thing I wanted to say is that in the beginning, when I used to go out, I measured my evening on the scale of : getting hit on, getting a yes answer from other guys or finding a guy to end the night with.

As I continued to go out I became wiser, I promised myself to hit on at least two guys that I like each night, doesn't matter if I get a yes or a no, I also promised myself not to be as nice as I usually am, It might sound nasty.

I decided that if i don't like someone who approaches me I can just move on, I don't need to be nice to the whole world. Last but not least, I promised myself to dance, to drink, to enjoy myself and that's the bottom line.

Not every crowd was amazing, not everywhere did I see guys I liked, but almost everywhere I decided to enjoy myself and oddly enough, it only takes one to make that happen...

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Party Time

Hey, Sorry it's been a while, busy times. But it's always fun to see that more people are following my blog.

I feel like I'm writing a number of articles about the gay way, following the last couple of posts, so today I think will be the last part of that, at least for now. I was thinking a little about clubs, Bars, well basically parties.

Again, I haven't been to too many straight parties so I don’t know enough on the subject from that point of view. However, I got my yearly couple weeks of partying. Not enough if you ask me, but what can I do?.

Anyway, I always get the feeling that a party is the place to let it all go wild, I'm sure in that in straight crowds the party is also wild, but somehow I get a different vibe in gay parties.

The crowd in the gay party, at least from what I have seen is made up of those who are out and just come to have fun and live there life, and those who are closeted or just out to some friends and come to have fun in a place no one will know them and they can be themselves.

It reminds me of me, lol, but yeah, for me I'm part of that crowd, a crowd which I think is a smaller part in the clubs.Take all those guys and all the people there and what do you get? Shirtless guys, lots of drinks, dancing and partying.

I must admit that like anyone else in my situation, I also find myself much more open to letting loose and behaving like a different person. I think what I'm trying to say is that during the parties and clubs, guys just do whatever they feel like, especially gay guys, it brings me to the same point and mindset, "if we are out and different, we can do whatever we want".

I'm not writing about it to say it's good or bad, but yet just different. I see the guys who make out and sometimes take it to another level on the dance floor. I might just be mistaken and maybe it's just like this everywhere. It's just a feeling I got and an impression I received from the parties I have been to.

That everything is more out there, easier to get, no restrictions and anything goes. I say, as long as everyone is up for it, why not. Sometimes being gay might let a person put aside the expectation of others, and just "do his thing".

Again, I'm talking about parties, clubs and so on, I know, and I know that obviously in the day to day life it’s a different story and much harder.

It’s a good thing that we have a place to go and just be ourselves and put aside what we should do in accordance to what society wants as to do.

All this talking about parties and clubs really makes me feel like a party and just going crazy on the dance floor, having 1,2 or 10 drinks and just have fun, lol.

When I go out I also do things I never that I would, again, nothing drastic, but making out with a guy, dancing with a guy, it's just crazy, good crazy. There were a lot of years I never thought it’s a possibility or I never thought it could happen, and it is happening, not enough, but enough to leave me with memories all year long.

I enjoy that part more than anything, the intimacy while still around others, dancing like crazy together with a guy I like, I don't know him enough to love him yet, but just enough to like him, to get a good vibe with him, to trust him and to just have crazy and simple fun.

Nothing is needed, no great restaurants, not fancy cars, not first class trips, but just that feeling of losing myself alongside somebody else while dancing to lady gaga (talk about hidden advertising) or whatever is on.

It's cheap ( unless you get wasted) but much more expensive than any pay check that I would or will get. I would be happy to hear any other opinions and though about the gay scene and the party scene

Enjoy your weekend and just go party, have fun and enjoy the chances you have to just be yourself.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Lebron's Visit

Just wanted to add a short post about Lebron's game in Cleveland last night. I was ready to go yesterday and was wondering how the fans will behave and what the reaction will be.

No one can say whether Lebrons decision is going to bring him a title and what the results will be, but everyone can say that the way he made his decision was terrible.

Basically he humiliated the whole city and organization of Cleveland on national TV. I personally thought that the decision was bad, but the way he carried out was just horrendous,And even Lebron admits to it now.

The fans and the whole city was furious, I loved the Lebron toilet paper, the bring a Lebron jersey get a free bear and many more nice ideas that I won't repeat now.

so of course i was sitting at home and waiting for the game, well, fuck the game. Was waiting for the fans to react to Lebron stepping on the court. When he did his thing before the game the crowd was booing him with all they had, and also in the beginning when he got the ball.

afterwards things slowly calmed down and Lebron had a great game, even more than great, he was outstanding, being a big part of the Heat just killing the Cavs, and so his part came to an end and he could leave smiling.

However, while Lebron kept the deal from his side, came in and gave a show, I was very disappointed from the other side. I expected so much more from the Cavs fans, after all the shit they felt they were given, I was going for much more than a loud boo and some signs..

I don't mean anything violent or out of order, BUT, I thought it would be different. Much crazier, much more creative, much more memorable, but I was wrong. I guess our American mentality can only bring us so far, just the same us the usual crowds in a normal game.

The same situation overseas would just be so different and much more intense, it's hard to explain. The fans would just go crazy and it would be a long night for that same player, from songs, to cursing, to many more things, but I guess each place and his traditions..

For now we will stay with our mentality, you can hate it or love it, but that's the reality of things.

Enjoy the weekend...

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Shirtless On Facebook

First of all I would like to wish everyone a belated happy thanksgiving, better late than never I guess.

I for one enjoyed watching a couple of N.F.L games and just enjoy a quite night. I'm also looking forward to next Thursday, when Lebron comes back to Cleveland. I know I'm going to stay up for that one.

I had a day off last week and had the chance to spend some time on facebook, and it got me thinking. It brought to my head thoughts about the "typical" out gay man.

I can't define the type to small details, but i took a look at a lot of profiles of gay guys.

Not because it was research, but because, I'm gay, I'm a guy and there are a lot of hot guys on facebook, none of them will get a friends request for me, but nobody said I can't at least take a look and enjoy.

While I was enjoying myself, I started thinking a little bit about the "typical" out gay. I think that there is much more pictures of shirtless guys, or guys wearing almost nothing that are gay.

They label themselves as interested in men than straight guys that are shirtless. Again, it's not that I'm judging, i think that there is just something when you are gay and out, again, it's not everyone, and i don't want to categorize, but it's just easy to see for the most part, at least on facebook.

I think that there are a lot of gay guys that are out and feel that being gay is already different and radical in a way, compared to the bigger percentage of the population that they feel it's easier to be more daring or more straight forward than most people.

In general a lot of guys that are out feel that they already pushed the boundaries so they just go with it. In my opinion a lot of the things are cool and acceptable, it's not like anyone has to check gay guys profiles if they don't want.

Basically my thing is that it's just different a lot of times, what gay guys and also girls allow themselves, there are just more out there and power to them. (we are here and we are queer :),

The only problem I have is when being out turns into a problem towards those who aren't. I can respect and understand guys who don't want to date or go out with guys in the closet, and unfortunately it has also happened to me once, but that's fine and that's a legitimate decision just like any other relationship decision,

However when being out means you have to out anyone you know that is gay just because you are out, that's when the problem starts, at least for me. There are those who feel that gays have to be out and have to show the strength of the community and that they aren't ashamed of being gay.

Those same people, at least in my book are fanatics, that don't care about anyone but themselves and can't accept that people have their reasons for staying in the closet and that it's their damn right to do so. They see the world as black and white with no gray in the middle, its either you are gay and then everyone needs to know or your straight.

Especially I hate how there are always talks about famous people. whether in sports, music or television who might be gay and how gay groups or the kind of people, that I just mention have a desire to bring those people out to make the gay community good luck, again, with no care about their reasons and their life,

I can sum it up with one sentence, all you got guys that are shirtless on facebook, I just got one thing to say, THANK YOU....

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Porn And Bareback

Hey Again.

I was happy to read the comments and get a couple of emails about my last post. I didn't know what other people think about that subject and I was happy to hear and see that are other people that have the same thoughts as I do on the subject.

Another thing that came to my mind during this post and reading the comments was the subject of bareback sex. I know that there are a lot of guys that feel the sex is better without a condom and even though it's highly dangerous they still do it.

I can't go and criticize the way they choose to live their life, but the fact that so many porn sites show bareback or use it to get people to log on, ( or get off ) seems so problematic to me.

It's problematic in two departments, at least in my opinion. The first is that they send the wrong message to gays watching porn, when a lot of times like I mentioned last week there are young teenagers out there watching.

I really think that young guys out there who don't have a role model or someone to learn what’s right and what's wrong, because they aren't out, can really get the wrong message from all this, and maybe see an actor as a role model or gay porn, or in this matter bareback gay porn as something that's legit or welcomed.

And secondly the fact that the "actors" do it and risk their own health is something I find disturbing. I know that a lot of times it's another way to make a living and probably they get paid more for having sex without a condom.

I also know that the results can be horrible, and affect people's life in a way they can't imagine or don't think about at that moment. I know that all of us have those thoughts that we are invisible and to us it won't happen, but in the end it always happens to someone.

I know that also that there is the same matter of straight porn sites that have a man and woman having sex with no condom, and I think it's just as bad.

However, In the end of the day, HIV, is a social stigma related with the gay community, even though it's not necessarily true, it doesn't really matter. I know that porn sites and porn companies only care about making money, just like any other business, but I feel that the results can be catastrophic.

While I don't expect gay porn or gay porn actors to set a example for what's right and wrong, I just think that it's sad in a way, the results it can have on them and on the community watching is something that really gets to me.

I don't know if I sound old fashioned, but It's a strong opinion that I carry. Gay porn is cool, it's nice, it turns you on, and each one in his own way, but the results that can come with it is sometimes too much, at least in my book, at least concerning bareback sex. The gay "community" a lot of times is "put out there" sometimes by their own will and sometimes by others as different from other "communities".

I just think we have a bigger responsibility to promote safe sex and the right sexual behavior, especially with the stigma already attached by a lot of people to "gay people".

While I don't expect gay porn sites to do it, I expect it to come from others, who exactly? It's hard to say, it might be naive to say from leading gay actors who need to do more to call out the bareback issue.

It might be naïve to say from leading gay figures out there who have influence especially on youth, or maybe when I think about it a little more, it’s just me being naïve.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Gay Porn

I think the title speaks for itself, I will add that my thoughts are mostly concerning gay porn.This my come to you as a shock, but
I usually don't watch straight porn. I know it's harsh to hear, but sometimes I have to be honest about things, LOL.

Since I don't meet guys right and left and during the year I'm usually alone, I, like most of the people I know watch porn from time to time.
Without going into details about my favorite websites and actors, JK.

I have some thoughts about the porn itself, I know that there are all kind of gay and straight porn, that fits to the likings of each person and each one's own thoughts.

However, at least in my opinion, that porn sometimes leads man or teenagers to get the wrong idea about sex. In most porn videos that involve anal sex, I can't call it love making, it comes off more as a violent act.

A lot of times the guy who is on top just looks like he is trying to "hurt" his partner. I know it's different with each person, but I don't think those videos show anything about the real "potential" of sex. Not the real enjoyment that two people can have while translating the feelings and the desire they have for one another into actions.

To be honest, even if I watch porn, I never watch the anal part, not because I like it or not, but because it just gives me a feeling of something violent and not something joyful, as I said before.

Unfortunately, in my opinion at least, it's a bigger problem in the gay community, because in our community most kids and teenagers grow up alone, feeling different. In the younger stages and usually don't share their feelings and preferences with other people.

A thing that leads to them settling for watching porn online, without having anyone to talk to, without having the "authorization" to talk about sex and to learn about sex, like the same kids in their age who happen to be straight.

I think that's what a lot of times gives gay man the wrong idea and the wrong thoughts about gay sex, the only way they see it happen is through those same videos that most of the time just educates them wrong and gives them the wrong notion about sex.

I mentioned a couple of times in my blog that I'm also homophobic and it's something that I'm dealing with and feeling better about all the time, but I think that's also a problem I had.

I grew up alone without no one knowing and the idea of sex was what I saw online. It's probably also the reason that I had problems seeing sex as it should be seen, because all I saw was basically one guy hurting the guy he is having sex with, by just using him as an object.

I didn't see any warmth or any smiles from both of the guys, at least most of the time, but just pictures of pain. Again, I know nothing is as simple, but growing up I didn't have the same possibilities and the same options of reading, hearing, and going out and maybe getting a better idea of what sex is all about.

I believe that there are a lot more just like me out there, who grew up in the same situation and got the same wrong idea about sex. Today, that's the reason I don't watch any anal sex online, I know it doesn't reflect on the way I would want things to be and the way I would like to think about sex.

When we gay men think of sex the way it's shown a lot of times it's easy to reflect about it as something humiliating and not something special, and from there it's very easy to develop our homophobic side, because most of us, or at least me, can't have any positives thoughts about sex with the videos that there are out there.

I always mention that on this topics I know everyone has his own opinion and ideas, and some may think about it differently, and of course each one's opinion is legitimate, this just happens to be mine.

Enjoy the rest of the week...

Monday, November 1, 2010

Obama and DADT

Hey, hope everyone is enjoying the beginning of a new week.

First of all, I was asked what do I think about I.A and if he still has it.I'm pretty sure it's going to be very interesting, I think he will control his team and probably be very dominate.

With the style of play overseas he is bond to attract a lot of attention, including a lot of double ups and things of that nature, so
I guess it's up to him and the way he decides to play, but it's going to be interesting, and that I can grantee.

leaving basketball for a second. I was reading a couple of articles about Barak Obama and him being in office for two years.

I haven't gotten the chance to write about it too much, and I'm sure everyone has a different opinion and what they think he has done
right and what he has failed to do.

For me the first main thing is that the things expected of him were just too many, people thought that he is going to change the world
and the U.S in five minutes and basically be a magician.

We all know that this is more wishful thinking than reality, but I do support a lot of things that he has done.

I think his reform in health care is something major, the fact that families with financial problems and no money for medical insurance
can now be able to afford more things and be able to take care of their family in a better way says enough by itself.

I know that there are a lot out there that make a good living and have a lot of money and they feel like it's not their problem.

And they are angry that they have to pay more tax in order to finance the health care reform, but it's not a big sum and I see no
wrong in people that are making more than 200,000 having to pay a little more in order to help the less fortunate.

I can't say that I know exactly every little detail about the reform, but I can just say that I'm happy it's happening.

If we take the gay subject, I feel like things are also moving in the right direction, at least the things I heard about. If we take DADT
and the change that is happening around it, from the possibility of trying to find a better solution until the decision that allows openly
gay men to join the army.

I know that the pentagon is still against the decision that was just made by the courts and that people say that gay men should still be
careful before declaring their sexuality, because if the decision might be reversed they will have a problem since they are out in the

But the fact that the DADT was up for discussion and the concept of changing the policy is already a move in the right step in my book. I
met a gay guy two years back that his dream was to be in the army and even though it's not a done deal yet.

The first thing that came to mind when I read about the court's decision was that same guy that just wanted to be in the army and might have the option to do it.

I just read about a survey that was taking in the army, where most soldiers said they wouldn't object to surviving with gay men.

I believe that besides the fact that it's always good to hear things of that nature, the bottom line is that people who want to fight for
their country need to be able to do so without anyone caring about
their sexual preferences.

I must admit that I don't know all the information and I might be missing out on some of the things around the subjects I mentioned,
but I'm just writing down the general feeling that I have.

I for one was happy when Obama was elected and I still believe that he can do good for this nation. It wasn't easy starting off with the
financial crisis, but I'm still optimistic that things will change for the good, but only time will tell.

P.S - I still hope the Heat lose as often as possible, something
bothers me about a team with so many starts, LOL

Monday, October 25, 2010

Just Basketball

So, to change things up a little bit I will make this post a basketball post. Some people wanted to know more, so I will talk about what happens on a team on the day to day level and some basketball related subjects, because all of us are also sports fans in the end of the day, or at least most of us are.

I don't think I mentioned this before or maybe just in small details, but my team and most teams overseas practice around nine times a week, which includes the games, but we also have video meetings, where we scout the other team, or see parts of our games and things of the sorts.

We also have team practices in the weight room, where we work along with the trainers according to the program that they decide is the best for every player.

Most admit that on the video side, sometimes it gets really boring and really long, but it's something you have to do and something you have to watch, even if you don't feel like it.

Once the season gets underway, which it already has, the practices change somewhat, in the beginning and in training camp building towards the beginning of the year, the coaches and trainers take more time out of practice to focus on condition and to build the players individual shape.

As season goes on we usually work more on things that have to do with the team, if it's the fast break game, half court D and O, full court press and so on. Not like the N.B.A most teams overseas play more zone defense, and match up zones,and things of that nature comparing to the N.B.A which is mostly man to man defense.

Also over here the game also has parts which are mostly individual skill and a one on one game, but usually there is more of a team concept and the offensive game looks different.

The things we play on offense have more ball movement and more movement without the ball, screens, pick and rolls and so on. While the N.B.A plays more one on one offense and you see less team work, at least in my opinion.

I already mentioned earlier in my posts, that the crowd overseas is different, the fans are more fanatic and more in to the game, while in the U.S.A usually the fans are more in the business of clapping their hands and enjoying the hot dog that they just bought, JK.

And last but not least, I'm not sure who read about it, but A.I- Allen Iverson is about to sign with a team overseas, if he does so it will be really interesting to see what impact he will have on the game and on his team, it will sure be interesting.

Guess that's about it for this time, hope everyone is ready for the beginning of the N.B.A tomorrow, hope it will be a interesting season.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Top, Bottom And All The Rest

Hey again, well, I’m not exactly going to talk about what I prefer in bed, but I do want to write about some thoughts or some interesting things I feel I learned about other guys, some from talking to, some from meeting up with and some just from reading their thoughts and stories.

A lot of guys say about themselves that they are either a “bottom” or “top”. I’m sure that everyone knows what he feels and what he desires, but I think it’s a little more complicated. I think that if you talk to a guy in a more intimate conversation a lot that say about them that they are only a “top” will tell you that they might be willing to switch if they found someone that they really like. Someone that they feel it’s something important and not just a one night stand.

As for guys that are bottom, I guess you can’t put it in categories, everyone is different, a lot can just allow themselves to be what they want and do what they feel is right. Sometimes I guess a person that says about himself that he is a “top” is someone that is scared of anything else.

I think that in this point, at least in my opinion the homophobia kicks in, I think that there are a lot of guys that see being “penetrated” or being a “bottom” as something that makes you less of a man, some guys see it as maybe something border line “violent”, or humiliating. I guess if someone thinks that, then he might be looking at sex as something that isn’t beautiful or special.

Again, I think that it can make guys feel or think that they are less of a man and have less qualities or self esteem if they act as “bottoms”. Even though you can also say that sometimes “bottoms” have a need feel not as equals or to put it in a more harsh way to feel humiliated or they get off when they are treated ”badly”.

You can also look at it in another angle, or at least I do, sometimes there are guys that are afraid to be a “top”, again I think it can be related to being scared, some guys can look at sex as violent and hurting. Some guys can think that going into another guy might hurt him, might be painful for him, or they might be scared that they won’t be able to get it up or something of the sort.

I have to clarify what I said, I’m not judging anyone or saying that being a “top” or “bottom” is better or worse, and of course every guy is entitled to do whatever he enjoys and pleases him, as long as his partner thinks the same.

I think that a guy that can say about himself that he is versatile might be a little more developed or a little less homophobic for that matter, being able to choose your preference according to the guy you meet and what you feel like and being able to admit to it can usually say something about acceptance.

I know for a fact that straight guys also have a lot of similar issues, I can testify that a lot of basketball players, (cause those are mostly the straight guys I hear this things from) usually have a need to degrade women, use language that doesn’t suggest that they feel good about sex in general, but make it sound like more of a conquest. Hearing that makes me feel that they also have their own issues about sex. Mainly fear.

I feel like someone that needs to degrade women and make them not his equal also has his problems with sex and with seeing it is something beautiful and not as something that makes him feel more of a man and her less of a person.

I have to admit that when I just started meeting guys I was blocked completely also, I just went through the motions but I didn’t feel anything, I tried, but I guess I just wasn’t feeling to good about myself and I wasn’t able to enjoy because I was afraid and I guess also homophobic.

To wrap things up, I just wrote what I feel and what I think, there might be a hundred people that have a hundred different opinions and of course all of them are just as worthy as mine, I’m not trying to make facts, but just put my feelings on paper.
Enjoy the weekend my friends.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Highs And Lows

Hey again, hope everyone is enjoying the weekend and all the sports events around it, baseball, NHL, NFL, NBA preseason, sounds like good times are heading your way.

After confessing about my secret love life with girls last time :), I wanted to talk a little more about the mood swings and the big changes in a career of a basketball player.

There is a famous sports saying that says : "You are only as good as your last game". Sometimes it's to harsh, but a lot of time it's the way a player or more correctly, I feel.

You can have a great game one day and you feel good about it, you feel good with what you accomplished and what you achieved and you feel on top of the world. The next game you can have a trouble game and suddenly it takes you to other places, suddenly I at least, feel that I'm not in shape or I'm not good enough or that I'm not doing or achieving what I expect from myself.

I talked about it before, I think it has a lot to do with been gay, at least for me. I'm not saying that It doesn't happen to other people, I'm sure it does, and I'm sure that there is a sensitive spot or issue with each one of those players, but for me it's this issue.

The gay Issue, feeling a lot of times that I'm not equal to others, maybe because I " got screwed over" cause I'm gay, or if it's any other feeling of not being as good as others.

I think that's why it's easy for me to take bad games to a more extreme emotional feeling than good games, because the bad games just give me the "excuse" I need to "prove" to myself that I'm not as good as others.

Of course as time moves on, this is becoming less and less of an issue and I'm learning to deal with it much better, my sexuality and basketball together. In a way I think that having the ability to accept bad games can help bring more good games my way.

Accepting that I can make mistakes like everyone else, whether I'm gay, straight or something else and not being to harsh on myself will allow me to feel better and I believe that a better feeling outside the court brings better results on the court.

On another note, I have to say that almost a year ago when I started my blog I wasn't sure how and if it would effect my game. I was worried in the beginning that putting myself out there, not in a way that people will know me, but telling my story, even if it's an anonymous one would damage my game or at least make me paranoid.

I'm happy to say that this isn't the case, I think that the fact that I was able to start my blog was because I felt better about myself what also is helping me on the court. To date, things are just continuing to be great and I feel in great shape, I'm enjoying myself and I really feel that I'm getting to the places I desire and wish to get to.

Before I wrap this post up, I got a small question for those who follow me, first of all thanks of course, it's always a great feeling. Secondly is there any subject or issue that someone wants to ask about or wants me to write about? most of the questions that people have for me I get to my email box, so feel free to ask away.

Secondly, I don't talk about games or things that happen or take place during the game, I'm not sure that it something that you want to read about, if I'm wrong just let me know and I will be happy to share more stories of basketabll, which doesn't always involve sexuality.


Friday, October 1, 2010

Dating A Girl

Hey, hope everyone is enjoying the weekend and getting some rest.

I was thinking about what to write this time and I remembered my early days and thought it would be a good idea to tell you and remind myself of those earlier days.

At high school I was just a regular kid, I was popular because of basketball, but nothing too special. Even though I had basketball I was never the type that went out on dates and too many events that had to do with girls and things of the sort.

I think that I wasn’t sure about my sexuality even then. I mean I knew I was different, I knew I didn’t like girls like everyone else, but I really didn’t know what it meant , and in general I think I was a late bloomer.

Then towards the end of my high school days a friend of mine played matchmaker and set up a date for me, with a girl none the less . We went out to a restaurant, it was nice, after that we went back to her house. Since the parents were home we sat and talked outside, we kissed and fooled around, but I didn’t feel anything special.

I was also shy and didn’t feel comfortable, I felt like I was doing what I was supposed to, but not what I wanted to. Needless to say that that was the last date I ever had with a woman. I did have that one time that I had sex with a girl, I know, it’s not supposed to happen, but I’m only human, but on a more serious note, It just happened, it was the first and last time, wasn’t fun at all, but I think I wanted to make sure that it wasn’t really what I wanted.

The next time that anything happened was the first time I had sex with a guy, I’m sure I wrote about it in the posts in the beginning of the blog. It felt different, I can’t say it felt right, because it took me some time to come to terms with everything and really feel comfortable enough to enjoy it.

Between the date and the first time I had sex with a guy there wasn’t too much I could do. I was playing basketball and couldn’t exactly go on dates or be seeing out, so I had the internet to help me come to terms with my sexuality. I think I couldn’t deny it anymore, and I guess like a lot of people, the way for me to enjoy myself and to let my mind run wild was the internet, where I was anonymous and a different person.

Since then I have moved on and so is life, I become able to go on vacations and enjoy life and the way I wanted to live life a little more, and I’m sure that that’s the path that will lead me in the upcoming years. That’s more or less the story of my high school days, at least with regards to girls :).

Regarding songs, I stopped posting them on here, but I heard a new one not too long ago, and it was really nice so I wanted to share, it’s Robbie Williams and Gary Barlow and the song is called shame and talks about a gay couple:

Well there are three versions of this story, mine, and yours and then the truth.
And we can put it down to circumstance our childhood then our youth.
Out of sentimental gain I wanted you to feel my pain,
But it came back return to sender.

I read your mind and tried to call,
My tears could fill the Albert hall.
Is this the sound of sweet surrender?

What a shame we never listened.
I told you through the television.
And all that went away was the price we paid.
People spend a life time this way.
Oh what a shame.

So I got busy throwing everybody underneath the bus.
Oh, and with your poster 30 foot high at the back of Toy-R-Us.
I wrote a letter in my mind but the words were so unkind about a man I can't remember.

I don't recall the reasons why.
I must have meant them at the time.
Is this the sound of sweet surrender?
What a shame we never listened.

I told you through the television.
And all that went away was the price we paid.
People spend a life time this way and that's how they stay.

Words come easy when they're true.
Words come easy when they're true.

So I got busy throwing everybody underneath the bus.
Oh, and with your poster 30 foot high at the back of Toy-R-Us.
Now we can put it down to circumstance our childhood then our youth.

What a shame we never listened
I told you through the television
And all that went away was the price we paid
People spend a lifetime this way
And that’s how they stay
Oh what a shame.
People spend a lifetime this way
Oh what a shame
Such a shame, what a shame

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Down The Road

So, it's that time again, another post to deliver :).

I had the chance to receive an interesting email this past week, from a guy who stumbled across my blog.

Besides being a really nice guy he also has MS, a disease that from the little I know doesn't have a cure, and hits you without
a warning and basically changes your life, from your daily routine to other things that you might not be able to do anymore.

The most interesting thing was to hear from him staying optimistic, smiling and taking the best of everyday and what life has to offer.

Of course he has a lot of positive things in life and I'm not trying to say that the disease defines him or should prevent him from doing anything he wishes, I just admire the optimism and the beautiful look on life, his partner and his cute dog.

I guess a lot of times all of us go through life dealing with our little problems and after we hear about things like this we look at things differently. We give those things a couple of minutes and a part of our day, things that hit home harder than any small thing that bothers us, but I know that after those couple of minutes we go back to dealing with our life.

This is reality and we first of all and almost always look only upon ourselves, and I guess in some way that's what nature intended for us.

He also brought up a interesting question during our conversation, what would happen if I meet Mr. right down the road while playing basketball.

First of all, as for now, I'm not doing anything that might make that possible, so unless someone comes up to me in the street and wants to date me, then I think it won't be happening any time soon.

If I look farther away then surely it's a possibility, what would I do? that's a good question, I know it will be problematic since there is no way we could live together, since I don't see anyone thinking that a basketball player taking up a roommate is something that makes sense.

Meeting wise, I'm sure it will be OK and that's never a problem, but I know that it depends a lot of that person, cause I wouldn't be able to give him a lot of things. If that's going out together, been seen in public, acknowledging any kind of relationship, I know some guys are built for that and some aren't.

I have to admit that like anyone I do wish it would happen. I know that I put basketball above my personal needs in the romantic field, and I do wish I had company and do wish I had someone to share things with.

Maybe lady luck will through something at me, in the meanwhile I will try to enjoy the gift that I got and that's been able to play pro basketball.

I'm sure everyone is waiting for the weekend to start, so hope you have a good one.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

One More Time

Hey guys

what's up? Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend, I'm doing OK, haven't been posting more then once a week. The truth is that I have both been busy and also the ideas don't come as fast and as easy after 50 posts. I'm guessing not too many people want to read about basketball and pick & roll, 2-3 zone and so on, but the things around.

I read a couple of small reports that talked about the locker room and the interaction with journalists, guess it might seem more revealing and more sexy then it really is. Usually everyone walks in while us the players are usually without a shirt at this stage already, but with pants or in worse case situation in a towel.

It's not like we are just walking around naked and everyone can chose to look at what ever he wants at the moment. Just thought I would put it out there for those who read any of those articles.

I'm going back to a subject that has been discussed here a lot of times and probably will be discussed many more times in the future, coming out while playing pro basketball. I know I mentioned this before, but I totally understand why no one comes out and why no pro athlete has done this in the last fifty years give or take a few.

I know that Amechi came out and Gareth Thomas and a couple of swimmers or gymnasts, but you never or at least I have never heard of a well known pro athlete that has decided to come out in the prime of his career,of course I'm referring to team sports and not individual sports.

Also, If you look at athletes that came out in college, I don't think there is one who moved on to the pro level, either by choosing not to or not being able to level wise, but that reason doesn't change the outcome.

I'm aware that I wrote this before, but sometimes I don't think that I grasp the situation to the fullest and neither do others. Of course there are enough gay basketball, baseball, football players, NONE of them are out.

I think I'm just making the point again that people don't understand how homophobic the world of sports is and how it's different from any other reality they know.

I sometimes hear comments from people that mean well and think that nothing will change if someone will come out, but I guess me and other athletes think differently. I also mentioned this before, at least I think I did, there is this "No Homo" expression that is used everywhere, it's not that I'm hurt or feel bad when I hear it, but it comes from everyone.

From the smarter one's, the more intellectual players, I guess in some point of view being macho and being in sports almost requires you to be homophobic.

This post hasn't revealed anything new or something that I haven't said before, but I'm just trying to emphases and deliver that message.

To the younger ones who are just starting their first steps in the sports world and happened to be gay, I can only say that there are a lot of us out there and while it's never easy, you can build a life for yourself and you can manage and be happy, you just have to be more cautious than others.

Like always, if anyone wants to ask anything, anything I can answer feel free.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Book Time

Well, another couple of days went by, can say I feel better with every day that passes. My legs feel better, got more air and getting ready to go.

My mind is sometimes a different story, I have my moments. Sometimes all I can think of outside the court is basketball and there are times when other things run through my head.

Guess it's not always fun to be someone that reflects a lot on what's going on. In my case maybe I reflect a lot of what could have been or could be if things were different, but i know they aren't.

I just got the chance to finish reading a book, called "Clay's Way", it's a book about two teenagers, both guys that are in a realtionship. One is sure about his feelings and not afraid to accept them , the other, is really afraid and not always willing to admit his true feelings.

It took me a very short time to finish the book. I got home from practice and started reading it until bed and did the same once more, before practice and after practice, don't think the book is a masterpiece or something, but this is more or less the first romantic story about two guys/teenagers that I read.

The story doesn't talk too much about what's going on around those two guys as far as community and everything, but this story also reminds me and I'm sure others that read it that a lot of a persons problems are from within, gay or straight.

I think that a lot of gay guys are homophobic, I mean, no one asked us if we want to be straight or gay and I think a lot of us have a problem accepting this and accepting ourselves, which brings us to be homophobic even towards ourselves.

Anyway, if anyone has any books that he would like to recommend, I would be more than happy, I guess I could find someone to get them for me.

On a different subject, I'm sure most of you heard about Stephanie Rice and her anti gay slur. Now I'm just as sensitive as everyone else and I don't like hearing those kinds of things, but sometimes I feel like not everything has to have the same reaction.

Of course it was something stupid and she got her punishment, but we sometimes judge people too fast, especially when there is the online life that doesn't have to much censoring on it.

I mean it's not like she was directing her comments towards a gay person she stumbled across, it was just something that was better left not said, and the fact that Mitcham defended her can only mean that he knows the real her.

Again, of course any comment like this is totally unacceptable, but sometimes I feel like people look too deep everywhere to find proof and show everyone how homophobic people are, when in fact a lot are and some aren't and I guess it's not going to change anytime soon.

When people direct their comments towards a individual or a community that's different, but when it's used like this, I feel that the picture isn't as black as some people color it. Of course that's only my personal look at this...

Besides that NFL season just started and I missed it, sure my team is going to be nothing more than mediocre, but I'm used to it.

If anyone wants to leave his favorite for winning this year, they are more than welcome.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Last Time


Hope everyone is doing well, small response to a comment that was left before I move on. About sharing a room with teammates,
it's usually a policy all over the basketball world overseas, doesn't have anything to do with how much a room costs, or the sorts,
it's just the way things work in those areas of the world.

Anyway, this is more or less the last post that is directly connected to the last summer. On the last night out before leaving to go back home , I went out to a bar, I already felt that the trip went well and I was in a good mood, which I always thinks makes the chances of anything good happening better.

After 20 minutes a cute guy came up to me and said hey, he was really shy and just said hey and left. I hoped he would come back, after a while he did, he was with friends who wanted to go somewhere else.

I told him that it would be cool if he stayed out to hang around a little, he decided to stay and from there on we just had a really great time.

I'm not talking about him being the sexist or hottest guy I met, but it was just the he was cool, easy going and fun. We stayed until the late hours of the night, just dancing like crazy, there were songs that we both loved, and we just danced and danced and danced, so fun I can't even explain.

Maybe it was just the great mood I was, maybe it was just the fact that it was my last night, maybe it was both of them together, but it was just great.

We ended up spending the night together, something that usually doesn't happen, since most of the time I don't stay over until the morning, but it was just nice, calm and genuine fun, so It was different.

After that we said our goodbyes and I made the trip back home, but it definitely closed a cool summer and vacation with a good feeling.

I'm waiting for next summer already, the truth is that it's not on my mind right now, but I'm sure as time comes closer it will be.
For now, I'm basketball minded, got no choice, it's still my job. :)

P.S - if any of you that follow my blog got the chance to go to the gay games, I would be happy to hear from you and hear about experiences that you took from there, it sounds like a real big adventure.

Well, I had a long day and the bed has my name all over it, so enjoy your week and will be in touch soon. :)

Saturday, September 4, 2010


Hey, sorry for not posting lately, it's just been a busy couple of weeks.

Like every pre season we spend most of our time in camps or on the road at practice games and things of the sort.

Usually those trips involve sharing a room with another player, which is always nice, but it kills the privacy a little bit, since I don't exactly ask him for tips for my blog and if he wants to add anything.

This is the hardest time of the year, since we are never in the best shape in the beginning of the year which makes everything harder and a struggle, but like every year, in the end it gets better.

There are some more things I wanted to write about, but practice is calling and I'm about to leave the room, I will write again in a couple of days.

Enjoy your weekend...

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Three Dates???

So, since I'm on the theme of vacation, I will go on with another story from my long gone vacation.

Earlier in the trip I went out to a place for the first time, it was a nice bar, recommended by a lot of magazines and guides. It was a big disappointment, the music wasn't the kind I liked and neither were the guys, which made me change my plans.

I looked up for another bar and in the end found it, most say it was much much better, the kind of crowd and the kind of music I like.

Before I go on, just remember that I go out alone, and in gay bars a lot of times it's hard for me in the beginning. I'm scared that if I will be nice, even just to a random guy that I may not like he will get the wrong idea.

So I most admit that I'm kind of a jerk when I got out, but I feel good about it. I feel good that I can choose to be nice only to the guys I want to be nice to, and I don't have a need just to be the nice guy of the party.

So anyways I was dancing and talking to a couple of guys in the place, even though I thought the best looking one was the bartender, but what can you do.

Around 3 am give or take the place started clearing out, I felt that the night wasn't over for me, so I headed to another and probably one of the last gay places in the area.

Once I walked in, the music was definitely not for me. I was getting ready to leave, but then I saw a really cute guy, I tried to catch his attention and I did, we talked. He also said that he was on the way out and gave me his number, side note, I never give my number to anyone I meet, guess that's me being paranoid.

We said will talk the day after and meet up, I left, went to grab a bite to eat and was ready to take a cab to my hotel, when cute guy walked in front of me, on the way to his car, from here to there he offered me a ride to my hotel.

Being the nice guy that I am of course I couldn't say no, we got to my hotel, made out a little bit in his car and decided to call it a night.

The day after I called him, from a pay phone of course :). We met up in my hotel room, fooled around and went to grab dinner, it was pretty awesome, just talking, sharing things and eating greecy food, keep in mind I didn't tell him anything too deep about me, aka my basketball or anything of the sort.

He dropped me off in my hotel and we called it a night, the day after happened something that hadn't happened to me yet, We talked and we met up again, that was definitely a first. Meeting a guy once or somehow twice was as far as I ever did on vacation, but with this guy it was like a short dating spree.

We went out to a club together, went to eat, fooled around some more and called it a night. Now I can say he was a cute guy and a charming one, maybe not the perfect guy for me or the one I will end up living with the rest of my life.

Still it was more or less the first time I went out with a guy for a couple of times ( except one guy I mentioned and isn't worthy of being mentioned again.) It was definitely interesting and fun. I had a hard time deciding if I should do it or not, cause I always had in my mind the possibility of not having fun and losing a precious night out, nights I don't have too many of.

In the end of the day it was a great experience, and a different one. thought I still get much more excited thinking and writing about the amazing guy from the previous blog, but I guess this might of shown me a little bit how real life works, well at least the real life I heard about.

I have this guy's email and I have found myself tempted to email him, but until no I haven't. When I'm not too depressed or horny I don't really see the point, since he's not the love of my life and chances are I will never see him again. Well that's more or less another vacation experience on my part.

P.S - I have been reading a lot of blogs from guys that follow mine, there are a lot of great one's out there, and I have been catching up on them. Also made a mistake forgetting one of my fellow bloggers and someone I got the chance and enjoyed talking through emails before, so if your out there or reading this, sorry about that and enjoyed catching up on your blog.

Be good you guys, who am I kidding, just make sure you go to sleep with a smile, if you can.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

A Handsome Devil

So, Guess I still owe some stories from my vacation.

I'm not one to kiss and tell, but some things need to be told. Towards the end of the vacation I went out to a nice pub for the second time during my vacation.

I was just starting to dance and enjoy myself when a cute guy came up to me, asked how I was and went his way. The first time I saw him he still had a jacket on, it was a little dark, so I was thinking that he is not a bad looking guy and kind of cute, but not something that I haven't seen before.

I continued to dance and look around, when after about half an hour and some late conversation with some guys the guy came up to me again, we started talking some more.

He was looking for a friend of his to get a drink, I volunteered to get him one, we talked some more and went outside and continued our conversation.

Outside it was a different story, he was a really good looking guy. Just the type I like, well built, but in a nice way, not something that's too much at least for my taste, a cute and young smile and can hold a conversation.

We continued talking and since the music wasn't as good as it was the last time I came we didn't see any point of going back in. After another drink and some more time going by he asked me if I wanted to go to his place.

It took me a long time to think about it, JK, In the last year or two when I go on vacation I tell myself that I want to have fun, but only with guys who I feel something for or think they are special, not just going around for the sake of going.

I guess this also has something to do with me feeling better about myself and appreciating myself, but with a guy like this it was a no brainer.

We walked to his apartment,wasn't a short walk so we got a chance to get to know each other a little bit.

Once we went up and he took his jacket off and we were in a lighted place he just looked really beautiful, maybe the best looking guy I met in my vacations and while having my gay side out to visit.

You can guess what happened after that, I just had a great time from the beginning to the end, besides looking great he was cute,caring and funny.

Since we both had some things to do in the early morning I left around the time the birds woke up. I needed to take a cab back to my hotel, but I just walked a little, enjoyed the beauty of the morning, the birds and all that romantic shit :).

Looking back now,I really wish I had the chance to meet up with him more than once, even for lunch or just a regular date, but there wasn't too much time left on my trip and I guess that's the price of my chase of glory and my basketball career.

The beginning of the year is always the hardest for me, besides the work itself that Is always very intense in this part of the season, I still have with me the memories of the summer, which are good on the one hand, but remind me what I will be missing out in the next 10 or so months of my life.

All this make this time the in between time that I mostly just miss my vacation.

Guess I'll call it a wrap for now, and if the beautiful guy I met on my vacation is reading this, feel free to email me, JK :).

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Another Go Around

So it's time, after a long summer it's time to get back to business.

I have so much to tell and so many stories from my summer, it was really amazing.
I couldn't ask for anything more, well besides more vacation time, more parties and more days to live a normal life during the year.

I won't go in to too many stories today, just a short and quick one, the first day I got to my destination I decided to go out, I couldn't wait already.

I must say that nothing can take that feeling away, the feeling I had just going out, dancing like crazy, drinking, getting hit on. I didn't want to leave and just thinking about it now makes me wish I could do it all over.

It was the best vacation I have had, not because I met more guys than usual, but just because I felt free to do what I want : dance, go wild, well guess it's called living.

After my vacation ended I started getting ready for the new season, working hard, weights, running, basketball and what ever is necessary to be in shape and do my job.

I feel great with basketball lately, It's treating me well. I can't say that I don't think about the things I'm missing and the life I'm not living, but I feel good in general.

I followed the gay Olympics through outsports, I hope maybe to take part in one of those before I drop dead and become slow and old :). There are a lot of good looking guys there, it seems something nice.

Well just wanted to get the second season of my blog going and I will tell you more stories soon enough, I have to say that the best part of the blog is the emails and the people I get the chance to talk to and hear the stories they have to share.

Hope that everyone had a good summer and things are looking up.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Almost Back

Hey My Friends,

It has been a long time, summer is almost out the window and it's almost time for another season to get started.

Just wanted to say hey to everyone, I missed writing and talking to the new friends I made through this blog.

I hope everyone is enjoying the summer and the hot weather, which a lot of times is too hot.

I can say I really enjoyed my summer, my vacation, my family and everything around it.

It doesn't matter how much time one has off, it always seems to go by really quickly.

Anyway just wanted to say hey to everyone, and I will be back in business in no time and will be happy to share my stories and hear yours.

Have a good weekend, Your long lost friend :)

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Closing Time

Hey everyone..

Basically my season is over, of course without going exactly into details of how things ended, I can just say it was a fun year.

I enjoyed myself, I felt a big part of the team and felt that I had the chance to show my abilities.

Like every other pro player, the summer always brings interesting and new opportunity, I can never know what next year will bring, where I will find myself and on what team I will be playing.

Of course there are a couple of things to take into consideration, salary, location, playing time, but I'm sure that when the time will come I will know or at least believe that I know what's best for me.

On another note, this is around the time that I'm about to enjoy my yearly vacation, to take a load off and live my other life.

I hope to have fun, to relax and meet some cool guys, but just like anyone, I also want to change things up after such a long season.

I think I will take a little vacation from my blog, nothing too long. I enjoyed it very much, especially the emails and getting to know people and also try to give my opinion on questions that came up.

It's also an honor to have people follow my life and have people to share my true feelings with. I will take a little time off, fill my head with ideas and probably take another go at this blog thing.

So hope everyone will enjoy his summer, and if he gets some vacation time, I wish it will be as great as you want it to be....

I will sign off with :

Closing time - time for you to go out, go out into the world.
Closing time - turn the lights up over every boy and every girl.
Closing time - one last call for alcohol, so finish your whiskey or beer.
Closing time - you don't have to go home but you can't stay here.

I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
Take me home...

Closing time - time for you to go back to the places you will be from.
Closing time - this room won't be open 'til your brothers or you sisters
So gather up your jackets, and move it to the exits - I hope you have found a friend.
Closing time - every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Team Chemistry

Like I mentioned in my last post, since the season is coming towards the end I will try to talk a little about the dynamics of a team.

A lot of times on teams there are some friendships that develop more and some players that just keep a professional realtionship, meaning coming to the gym, working hard, practicing together and going their on way in the end of the day.

On the other hand there are those who keep more of a friendship, if it means, going out together, meeting outside of practice and basically being regular friends. Of course like everyone else.

I also have those who I keep in close touch with and those I don't, even though that usually once the season is over each one goes his own way, most of the times you play with guys that you will barely see at all again, and that's if your lucky and you some how play in the same league or something the following year.

The most amazing thing in my prospective of a team and the dynamics is how hard it is to hold a team together for so many months, towards the end of the season when each one already wants to go home and go his separate way, is the time when you have to be the most united and have the best chemistry that you had during the whole season.

A lot of teams fail because they reach the point that players can't stand to be around each other, or around coaches or just come to practice for that matter, things get so intense and the season is so long, day in and day out that it's hard.

Try to compare it to an office job, in the office you come in every day during the weekdays, sit in your office, interact with people, have meetings, go to different places to meet clients, other workers or whatever, and then usually you come back to your own comfort zone, when you can have some quite time.

In sports its different, you don't work an 8-5 job, but your interaction is the same all the time, you see the same people everyday, you push, shave , practice together, sit together in the locker rooms, hotels, buses, trips, team meetings, what ever you can think of.

Now Imagine doing this almost every day, including weekends, a lot of time twice a day, it's just so intensive that after 9 months it's very hard for people to still come with the same desire and same smile, or even same ability to see each other.

That's when it's the coaching staff and management to try and maybe change some of the practices, or meetings or anything that they can think of to keep everyone as happy and as calm as can be after such a long time.

I know that when most people look at teams, they check it from a talent point of view, they say this team won, because Nowitzki is a amazing shooter or Duncan is a great center, but I think and a lot of other people that play the game, that most of the success of a team is how the teams can come together and become one unit, how teams can put Ego's aside in order to win.

In NBA teams you have players making so much money, it has to go to their head, to make them feel like they are better than the others and that they are the stars of the team, and even in a case like that,a successful team will be team that gets the other players to work for that star.

That gets the players to feel good about being the one's that help him bring the best out of him, what will eventually bring success to a team.

On teams where those players can't deal with not being stars or in the spot light that's when teams fail, because everyone wants the glory and no one is willing to give it up, even in order to win.

A great and a simple example is the Bulls of the Jordan area, everyone knew he was the star and all the players accepted their roles in the team, what brought great success, cause the rotation players always did what was needed to make sure the team won.

Along with M.J's amazing talents they did just that, it's enough to remember that after M.J left and kukic and Pipen were left, they didn't really get a long and had problems accepting each one's role on the team, it came to a point that once when Phil Jackson decided to go with Kukic on a last second shot Pipen didn't want to come in to the game.

Basically what I'm saying that it's always much more than just basketball, it's mostly how the team chemistry is and how the system gets each one to work together and to accept each others role on the team, no matter what it is.

And those things can make a team a champion or just another team, that will never raise to the top

I don't wanna talk
About the things we've gone through
Though it's hurting me
Now it's history
I've played all my cards
And that's what you've done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play

The winner takes it all
The loser standing small
Beside the victory
That's her destiny

I was in your arms
Thinking I belonged there
I figured it made sense
Building me a fence
Building me a home
Thinking I'd be strong there
But I was a fool
Playing by the rules

Monday, May 31, 2010

1/15 Of A Team

Since this is the last couple of weeks of the season, I will write a post or two about basketball and how I see it.

This post isn't exactly about me being a gay basketball player, but just being a basketball player.

On every successful team, or at least most of them, there is a big "war" for playing minutes, you can see it anywhere you look, Pro's, college, overseas. Everyone knows that each team has one goal, and that's to win, but each team carries a lot of ego with it, and it's not simple.

On this matter everything starts with the coach, GM and the whole coaching staff, they have to set the rotation, decide in the summer who to sign and what they expect him to do and to give to the team.

Basically once training camp starts and the first camps gets underway everything changes, since not every team has five guys like Lebron James or five guys like Kobe Bryant, a key for a good team is having a couple of leading players and some more position players or rotation players as we are used to call them.

The first stage of each team is to try and get everyone on the same page, get people to realize that they have to share the ball, share the glory and share everything around it.

As I said before, the "war" is for minutes, but not just that, it's about much more. Most players, want to be the stars and the leaders of the team, just like I enjoy it, most players enjoy it and want it.

And as I wrote before, not everyone can be the star, a lot of times it leads to fights, bad teamwork and loses, it's hard for people to control their ego and once you are on the court everything is very emotional.

I can honestly say some things that you won't usually hear from players, not every player wants his team to win when he isn't on the floor, sometimes players rather score 20 and have 5 assists and have the team lose, rather then playing bad or seeing the team win from the bench.

Another example is players who are in a bad period in the season and don't get minutes, for the most part they would rather see the team lose and then maybe the coaches will see that them not getting minutes hurts the team and they will get back into the rotation.

All those things are things no one will say, but I know that a lot feel like it, another example is having two good shooting guards on the team, not always does the one starting on the bench want the starter to succeed.

A lot of time he wants him to fail, to get his spot and his minutes, basically it's like real life, we look on ourselves first of all and just after that do we look on the others and what they do.

The Irony of things is that if a team wants to succeed, it isn't any different then from the marketing world, the high tech world or the sports world.

The key is getting players to play for each other and to play as a team, just like getting people who work together to help each other out.

Even though everyone wants and thinks of his success first of all, it's the staff's job to get them to understand or better yet accept the advantages of playing as a team, it doesn't always happen, and teams don't always succeed.

Like every player, I have been on teams that had a good team chemistry and game and other teams that had a lot of raw talent, but not really had a team game, luckily over the years I had some good teams that I can say that I enjoyed myself.

I try not to lie to myself in the sense that I know that not on every team I played everyone liked me, it's just a part of reality, because we will always meet people that we don't really appreciate.

It can be either in the professional sense or in the human relation sense, and it's not like we were given the chance to pick each other, so it's something that all of us just need to deal with.

I can also say that I have been around enough guys that I didn't really like and even though it never got to a fight or to something out of the ordinary.

I can't say that I wished them all the best in the world, but all of us need to play our part, and usually be quite, also support the one's we don't care for too much and just be a part of the show.

Just like I wrote in the title, each player always thinks he deserves more glory, but none of us will ever admit that sometimes and some days
we are only 1/15 of a basketball team...

I will finish up with a song that might have something to do with all this

I can't believe the news today
Oh, I can't close my eyes and make it go away
How long, how long must we sing this song?
How long? How long?
'Cause tonight we can be as one, tonight

Broken bottles under children's feet
Bodies strewn across the dead end streets
But I won't heed the battle call
It puts my back up, puts my back up against the wall

Sunday, Bloody Sunday
Sunday, Bloody Sunday
Sunday, Bloody Sunday

And the battle's just begun
There's many lost but tell me who has won
The trench is dug within our hearts
And mothers, children, brothers, sisters torn apart

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Don't Ask, But We Can Tell

Hey Again

Like I say from time to time, it's not always easy to find a important subject to talk about or something worth while.

A lot of things happen everyday, some more important, some less, but I guess what happens to us is always the most important.

I always tried to notice how human nature is always stronger than anything else, I mean we are all devastated every time something horrible happens.

Whether it's a accident, a natural disaster or anything of the sort, but after sometime we just go back to our own life, our own "big problems" and forget about the other things that were just on our mind.

It's as natural as can be, I remember a lot of times that I thought to myself after an event like that just happened that something might change in me, or the way I look at things.

That it might get me to do something differently, but after a couple of days or just a couple of hours I go back to living my life.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that this is us as human beings, we live our life and anything that's related to us is more important than anything else.

I think this is basically the only way we can go on with our life, other wise we would be depressed and worried and trying to cope with every disaster and every injustice that happens in the world, guess there are just too many of them to handle.

On the gay subject, there is nothing new to report on my love life, JK, but I have been reading lately a little about the don't ask don't tell policy issue.

Without going to much into the policy itself which of course is also something for a long discussion, I can't understand the thought or the need to ban gay's from serving in the army.

I mean if they go into the line of duty and if they fight in wars along side other soldiers what the hell does it matter if they are gay or not?.

People are people and if someone is qualified to be a soldier, to fight along side others, to save life's and to be the one responsible for another man's life, how could it matter what sexual preference does he have?

Is anyone trying to say that if a guy likes other guys he won't be able to do what's necessary in the line of duty?. Won't be able to save a life if needed?

Are his sacrifices, his life that's on the line, his parents that will lose a son they spent their whole life raising if something happens not equal to a straight soldier's life? does his blood have a different color? does his family have different Morales? it's just that he has different sexual preferences and that's all there is to it.

No one can tell me or tell anyone for that matter that gay man aren't as qualified as straight man to be soldiers, to be fighters and to defend their country and their fellow man, but I guess like in many other situations stereotypes and dark opinions are the one's who lead the way in America of today or of the past years.

I read that around 13,500 people of been dismissed from the army on the grounds of being gay. I hope that president Obama will get the ball ruling on things and that changes will be made.

People that want to fight for their country should have the right to do so and to do it will not hiding their selves and who they are, they need to have the chance to be "Proud" soldiers, whether gay or straight.

Of course they don't need to worry that if someone finds out they will be discharged, instead they just need to have the right to chose how to live their life and who they want to share that life with.

The song this time just came up very quickly :)

A vacation in a foreign land
Uncle Sam does the best he can
You're in the army now
Oh, oh, you're in the army now

Now you remember what the draftsman said
Nothing to do all day but stay in bed
You're in the army now
Oh, oh, you're in the army now

You be the hero of the neighborhood
Nobody knows that you left for good
You're in the army now
Oh, oh, you're in the army now

Smiling faces as you wait to land
But once you get there no one gives a damn
You're in the army now
Oh, oh, you're in the army now

Hand grenades flying over your head
Missiles flying over your head
If you want to survive get out of bed
You're in the army now
Oh, oh, you're in the army now

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Would we change?

Hey again, been a week since my last post, but finally I found the time and energy to put another one up.

I got an email from someone that I just started talking to recently, he came up with a question that made me think.

It sounds silly when you think about it, or the idea itself isn't something realistic or can be done, but it did get my mind working a little bit.

Basically his question was on the subject of what will happen if they will find a "cure" for being gay, meaning would I want to use it and go on the straight way.

I know it's something very out there and something theoretical, but it does get the mind thinking, I strongly believe that none of us were asked when we were born or just starting our life if we want to be gay or not, and I never thought of it as any kind of option.

I can honestly say that I spent most of my time as my teenager feeling alone and feeling that the world was cruel to me and decide to punish me by being gay and I just didn't want to be different, I wanted to fit in and be like everyone.

Today this question seems, well, since I can't feel anything towards a woman it's hard for me to think about being straight. Of course if I would take that magic pill then probably I would also be attracted to woman and maybe all of it would change.

However since I just know what it's like having feelings for guys and just wanting to be with a gay it's very hard to think about the whole subject, I'm sure that there are a lot of guys out there that would do it in a second.

They would just want all this burden lifted off of them, not being different, not having to deal with issues that all the straight guys don't deal with and are left only for us gay guys.

On the other hand think that there are a lot of guys who feel so comfortable in their own skin and feel good about being gay. They feel complete and they won't even think about taking that "pill" or choosing the easy way out maybe, and by that I mean just being like everyone else.

Again, for me, it's hard to say, even when it's just something in theory, some years back I would say yes in a heart bit and just try to get everything over with, all the lying, the running around when no one is seeing, putting my life on hold.

Now, it's hard for me to say it with a good feeling, again, I'm sure it's mostly because I feel attracted to guys and not girls, but I guess I don't feel so bad that I feel I'm willing to do anything to change it.

It's interesting for me to hear from anyone out there about this subject, I'm sure it's a question each and everyone of us had going through his mind at one point or another.

Sadly enough there have been people who couldn't bare being gay or being different or trying to deal with everything, some of them committed suicide some of them live their life in a lie, just not to have to face being gay.

I can't and never would I want to judge anyone, I guess when the cards aren't always dealt fairly not everyone can turn them into a winning hand, as for me, I'm still working on reaching a full house :).

I will finish up with a song, as always..

Roughneck and rudeness,
We should be using, on the ones who practice wicked charms
For the sword and the stone
Bad to the bone
Battle is not over
Even when it's won
And when a child is born into this world
It has no concept
Of the tone the skin is living in

And when a child is born into this world
It has no concept
Of the tone of the skin he's living in
And there's a million voices
And there's a million voices
To tell you what she should be thinking
So you better sober up for just a second

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Straight Or Gay


Sometimes when I have time for myself and I want to try and put my thoughts on "paper" and put a post up on my blog, my mind doesn't want to cooperate with me and I feel like I don't have a clear idea, usually when that happens I just try to see what comes up as I continue writing.

It's not time to sum things up yet, and me and my team still have time left on this season, but everyone is starting to reach the later stages, just like the NBA, it's this time of year in the basketball world and it couldn't be greater.

Of course with time going by the games become more crucial and the pressure is bigger, but on the other hand that's what every athlete waits for, to have those games that mean everything, that a win means you advance and move on and a lose might send you home.

I always love that sentence on ABC or one of the channels that broadcasts the NBA games "Win Or Go Home".

On the other hand it can be also very cruel, because when it's money time nothing you did all season long counts any more.

Just like Dallas lost to the spurs, and suddenly no one remembers that they were second in the west coast, I guess there is a reason they say that timing is everything in life.

I hope our timing will be good this year and when money time arrives we will do what is needed, but I guess only time will tell.

Besides that I can't think about anything special that is going on in my life, but I did think a little bit about trying to compare a gay guy's life to a striaght guys life.

of course that being straight is much easier in the eye of society and they aren't judged on every move or they have it much easier when it comes to family, to starting one and living out their life.

However my opinion isn't objective, because I'm of course gay, I'm sure that straight guys have a lot of problems in life just like us gay guys. So maybe society usually is easier on them, but that doesn't mean that they feel that about themselves.

It's obvious that a lot of straight guys might also feel like failures, feel that they aren't achieving anything and feel that they aren't reaching the potential and the ability that they can.

I think that the gay community in general takes on the part of the victim a lot of times, I know that sometimes it's right, but also sometimes it looks like that what they are basically saying is that we are victims and we don't get what we deserve.

There are a lot of cases that this might really be the issue and reality, that gay's get discriminated and suffer much more in order to achieve everything in life, but it might also send the wrong message to a lot of gays, that we have to have that felling of not equals or not "getting" what we deserve.

Through this blog I have found out about a lot of guys that built a family for themselves, found a partner they love, went on to adopt kids and just be happy in their life and what they made of it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that even though I can't relate to the issues that straight men have, I'm sure they also have their troubles in life and their battles and maybe sometimes we take on ourselves the victim part to strong.

It's a fact, at least in my book, that we didn't chose to be gay, it was chosen for us, and yeah, life would be easier if we weren't, but the question is what each one does with himself after he accepts that fact.

It's easy to feel a victim and to feel like you got screwed over, Believe me, I have felt that for a long time, the question is what each one does after that, and in that department I guess it's every man for himself.

Just to be clear, when I say gay community, I mean the people who belong to the community.

I'm not trying to say that it's a movement thing or a decision made by a small group representing gay's around the world, but just in the general sense of things, and again, of course it's not every one as a whole, but just something that can represent a lot of gay guys.

I will finish with a nice quite song

I'm standing on the edge of time
I Walked away when love was mine
Caught up in a world of uphill climbing
The tears are in my mind
And nothing is rhyming, oh Mandy

Well you came and you gave without taking
but I sent you away, oh Mandy
well you kissed me and stopped me from shaking
And I need you today, oh Mandy

Friday, May 7, 2010

My Early Gay Encounters


Hope everyone is enjoying the playoffs, I'm waiting for game 3 tonight between the Celtics and Cavs, hope it will be interesting.

Anyway, I usually don't talk too much about my sex life , or lack of it, but after a couple of emails that made me think about it a little bit I decided to return to the subject.

I might be repeating some things that I already said, but I’m not really sure about it.

In some of the emails I get the sex subject comes up, some guys are already passed that stage and some are only in the beginning.

Talking to guys that haven't had sex with a guy yet, or just have had it once or twice brought me back to my beginning.

I have talked about the first time I had sex with a guy and about some of my memories from meeting guys online, but today I'm trying to look at it from a different angle.

I remember saying in my earlier posts that besides my first time, I met a couple of guys online and we had sex, I mentioned that trouble wasn't a good enough word to describe how I felt.

When I look back, I’m pretty sure that they guys I met up with are guys that reflected on the way I felt about myself back then, and that’s not too good.

I guess that while I was having a problem accepting myself and being gay, it translated to feeling pretty bad about myself and there for most of the guys I met at that time fitted that feeling.

Even though it sounds shallow to say, the way those guys looked from the outside was the same as I was feeling inside. I remember that also the vacations I took after I just came out were more or less the same.

Of course like all of us, I was just a horny young guy that was looking to have fun and to satisfy himself.

I can honestly remember that in those days the guys I had sex with were OK, not something that if you had asked my in advance I would tell you that there is a chance I would have sex with.

Again, it wasn’t that they were ugly or something, but I just knew and also know now that I could do much better and find someone that would match my desire and would also feel the same way about me.

When I write this it brings up the question, did I think I wasn’t gay or it wasn’t for me? Well, I always knew through that time that I was gay, I just wasn’t able to enjoy it and I was just feeling nothing but horny and no special feeling afterward also.

I think that in that stage I just shut myself to the outside, I went through the motions and had sex, but honestly I can say that I barely felt anything.

I guess my mental side ,my thinking and my inner feelings can block any physical feeling no matter where or when.

After the first year or two of having sex with guys that don’t exactly fit my life dream a couple of things started to change.

First of all I started accepting myself and feeling much better with myself and about myself.

Secondly I came to the decision that the only sex I’m going to have is if I met someone I really like and really feel that I can have fun and it’s someone I would really like to be with.

Of course I could allow myself this cause I had a better inner picture of myself and felt much better about everything, from that point I can honestly say that the last couple of years I acted on my “decision” and really stuck to my feelings.

I met some amazing guys that I really liked, guys that I could talk to, go eat with and enjoy myself besides the obvious sex that followed.

Of course there might have been a single time that I might have settled, but like everyone else, I’m just human.

I guess that being different and being gay is a process that needs to be accepted and until it is it influences everything else in our lives.

I can’t say that I accepted it totally and I have no more troubles or questions that come to my mind, but I can say that I have come a long way, and it can be felt in all sides of life, including sex.

This song looks perfect for this post, of course in the bigger meaning of things…

Every day is so wonderful
And suddenly, i saw debris
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the pain, I'm so ashamed

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down
So don't you bring me down today

To all your friends, you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness
The piece is gone left the puzzle undone
That's the way it is

You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring you down
Don't you bring me down today...