Monday, July 2, 2012

End Of Vacation Part 2

When it was time to close up something small happened to me, that can symbolize my whole trip and my situation in the "dating world". There was a really gorgeous guy that I saw at the bar a couple of nights before and didn't say anything, but this time, I went to say hey and he was cute and nice, we talked and then I continued talking to my friends, he told me not to leave without saying goodbye.

Anyway when the bar closed I waited for my friend that worked there to come out and say goodbye, in the meanwhile that guy came out and started talking to me, said that he is sad that I'm leaving and it's too bad that we just talked now, he gave me a hug and then started kissing me and he was amazing, cute, great smile and great body and we continued kissing.

He said that I'm BF material and not someone he just wants to hook up with, usually I don't look for those instant hookups, but it was my last night and he was really great looking so I wanted it to happen. He continued kissing me and I was telling him that we can go back to my place and so on and so on. He said he can't hook up with me and that he really likes me, for more then that.

Now I'm not a kid and i know that some guys say that just to get out of the situation, but the thing was that he continued kissing me and didn't want to leave, it was great and kind of a annoying situation at the same time. 

Of course in the end he went home and I went home, just not to the same home. I feel like this is really a good image of all my issues with guys, that somehow I feel attracted to those who can't give me what i want, I guess at this point I'm looking for those guys.
 It's hard to deal and accept a lot of times, but this trip and seeing how I was hit on by so many people and never liked any of them, besides maybe one that also didn't turn out to be too useful and at the other end getting turned down basically by every guy that I approached, granted I didn't go up to too many guys, but I already knew what was going to happen before I even tried.

It hurts me but I'm still optimistic that i will work on the things that need to be worked and that I will get to the situation that I meet someone that I like and that really wants to be with me, i'm sure that I'm not going to give up just yet.

All in all it was an interesting vacation, still feel bad that Tom skipped out and I  couldn't spend time with him, cause he is as close as I got to a good relationship and maybe he is the max that i'm able to handle at this time of my life.
But meeting all the staff from the bar and having so much fun will always be in my heart, they were amazing and it was just great to be there every night, I already miss them all.

In other news, I signed an extension and I'm going back to the same team that I played for last year, which will make everything easier since management and coaches and everyone knows. I also know the city already, so I can go out and try to have fun and meet some nice guys. There is a lot of work towards the new season, but I feel like coming out and telling people will also help me with basketball, but only time will tell.

Thanks again for those who still follow me an have the patience to read even though I don't publish too many things in the last months, hope all is well with everyone..

End Of Vacation Part 1

Well, another vacation is in the history books, i was writing this while on the plain on the way home. it  was a long vacation compared to the ones i usually take. It was interesting and had it's ups and downs.

last time i wrote was after me and the guy i was dating split up, if you can call you that, well, i told you that i saw him that night again and he treated me like someone he barely knew, that hurt me, and it still bothers me till today.

However I was happy that i resisted the urge that sometimes came up to contact him, I deleted him from Facebook, just cause it was too much for me to see him going out and posting pictures, that way I couldn't see it even if i wanted to.

Luckily I didn't meet him again the whole vacation, I might say that somewhere it bothered me, but I think it's better off that way, cause nothing good would ever really come out of it.

All my friends are pissed at him and really mad, I told him that it was a great experience and I enjoyed it and I'm happy that it happened.

After we went our separate ways I continued going out and trying to have fun, If I'm on vacation there was no reason to sit at home and be miserable. I met a really nice guy a couple of days later , I already wrote about that last time around ,but besides meeting once i didn't hear from him again, so surprising I guess.

I continued to go out and try to have fun, it became pretty amusing at a certain point, a lot of the guys at the club or bar would come up to me and hit on me and I never went along with it because I didn't really find them attractive. 

At the same time if i saw a guy i liked I knew it wasn't going to happen, I continued to amuse myself and go up to the guys I liked, some where nice, some weren't, but again, no one showed interest. 

It's amazing how our sub conscious controls those things, I do believe that I'm attracted to all the guys that can't really give me what I want, which is a relationship, or maybe I just think that I want it.

I met another nice guy one night out, we made eye contact and in the end he said hey, i was nice, but didn't really feel like doing anything about it, however I saw him again a week after, he was cute and gave me his number, we met for lunch and met again to hang out the next day, it was great. Had a really really good time both outdoors and indoors. we even went out to eat around 2 am after a long day together.

He was really cute and a cool guy, we talked about meeting again and hanging out and he said that maybe I will join him for a night out of the town during the week. After he texted and we exchanged text he explained to me that he is going with friends for the weekend and basically he disappeared. He continued texting from time to time, but I was ambivalent, I saw him during the last weekend before I left.

I was nice and he started talking about meeting up before I leave, I told him that it's cool and he knows where to find me, of course I knew what will happen, so just before I left the club that night I went up to him, gave him a huge and told him that it was nice meeting him, he said that we will meet up during the weekend, but i knew why I was saying my goodbyes. 

Besides that I met another guy, but it was just to fool around, nothing serious and something I usually don't do, but it happens to the best of us.

However I saved the best part for the end. It was the second year straight that I was at the same place during my summer, mostly because of Tom, I met him at a bar last year and saw him again there when we split up, so I guess it's my local bar.
Since I'm not really used to having gay friends and hanging out with them I'm usually not to friendly or a big social guy, however I started talking to one of the bartenders at the local pub, he was cute and always took care of me, so it was nice coming there.

I was there for most of my vacation and I started hanging out with him and with the other bartenders, it was a different and cool experience, we went bar hopping, and with another bartender I went to see a movie, just being friends.

Every night that I came out I never paid for anything, not that it's the most important thing, but it's always cool to go out, have fun, drink and not have to pay for it. But to a certain extant it was the first time that I was able to really enjoy the company of another gay guy without feeling weird about it. I know that all of them wanted to go out with me, or take me home or whatnot, but they understood that I had no desire to do so, and they were really cool about it.

I continued going there and we continued to hang out, it was funny, I knew everyone at the bar and all the staff and even the guys at the door already knew what I did for a living, not that I really care anymore, it is what it is.

The best part was the last night out before my flight home. I went out and they decided that i have to drink a little more than I usually do, because I'm not a big drinker.
I had a blast, they didn't stop giving me drinks all night long, again, not something crazy, but the alcohol came out purring and it was fucking great, I was drunk at some point , or at least tipsy and it made everything so much more fun. We took crazy pictures, we started throwing ice and napkins at each other and basically just behaving like stupid kids and having a blast.