Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Tebow Time?!?

Hey everyone,

First of all I just wanted to thank everyone that commented or emailed me after the last post, it was really great hearing from you and it really made me feel that just posting what's on my mind is sometimes enough and that there doesn't always have to be something special behind it.

There was one comment that I wanted to respond to and that was the one made by Nick. First of all it's nice meeting you and the thing I wanted to say was that I didn't mean that the only need in a relationship is physical but just that it has to be there.

Without the sexual attraction, it's not never going to be a relationship that is based on love and passion. It might become a friendship, but I can't believe it can lead to a partner or a BF. Of course if there is only the sexual attraction and no common hobbies and no deeper things to share it's not going to become anything special, but I just think that the attraction is step one.

I wanted to talk a little about Tebow, if anyone is following football, well since he has been playing the team is 5-1 I think and basically winning every week. First of all I hate the fact that they are winning and to be more specific, I hate the fact that he is winning.

I usually don't use words like that, but his whole attitude with the family values crap, that judges and tells people what's OK to do and what's not makes me sick. More than that and I think of this in a sense of all pro athletes and their "relationship" with god.

While I'm not a believer, I respect those who do believe, HOWEVER, I have a big problem with athletes in all sports bringing "god" on to the court/field. I always say that if there is a higher existence is he really worried about those things, is he really dealing with how much a player will score or hit? I mean it just feels so shallow and unworthy to me.

There are so many "bigger" issues that for me question the existence of god and questions that I don't have an answer for. So I refuse to think that god has anything to do with a sports results or that being a believer effects the way I shoot the ball.

To believe that this mighty power will bless his believers by helping them have a good game or direct them to the right path on the court/field? for me it's just too much to take.

I respect everyone's believes, but for me to pry for gods guidance and help in something that is just a game takes all the value out of the real belief that people have.

It might be harsh, but when I see a player pray after a touchdown or thank god after scoring a goal that just makes me angry in sense and makes me think that those same believers devalue their belief, even if I don't believe at all.

Thanks again for the emails and comments and for being a part of my life.

Enjoy the weekend everyone!!!!

Friday, November 25, 2011

Is It Over?

Hey everyone, hope you are enjoying thanksgiving and spending time with your families.

On my daily checkup on Afterelton and Advocate I stumbled on a ad for marriage equality :

I have to admit that it was touching and get me a little emotional in the end, underneath all the muscles and testosterone I have to admit that i'm a very emotional person and I don't need too much to get all excited and be on the verge of crying.

Of course it's obvious how the end will play out, at least when you know what website it's on, but it brings me again to think about all those people who have nothing better to do than hate others and condom the way others chose to live their life rather then focus on their own life.

I know it sounds too simple, but we can always hope that maybe something will change down the line, even though people will always continue on hating.

It's not really relevant, but have any of you thought about what happens after we die? I mean do we just end our visit on this planet and basically vanish for eternity, I mean that sounds like the truth and the logical explanation, at least in my book and my religious views, but I think we are all kind of hoping that there is something more to life and the afterlife, if anyone knows, let me know, LOL.

On my last post I wrote about the perfect BF, after thinking about it a little bit, I came to the conclusion that it might be what I hope for in my mind and in my thoughts, but I think it all comes to the sexual attraction in the end. I mean when I and I think most of us see someone we feel something for him or we don't, if we do, we can build on that and see what happens, but if we don't, well then I guess we can end up being friends at the most.

I have to be honest, I enjoy writing and I think about this blog a lot, but I don't have as much to go on as I used to, I mean, I don't do too much during the season besides play basketball and I pretty much share what comes into my mind when something interesting happens.

I can understand that there are less comments and the blog looks or feels a little on the verge of going under. This blog has brought me a lot of friends and a lot of inner peace, it might be time to call it a day. For now I'm still thinking about it and writing once a week. If I feel it's time to end things I will do it in a organized way, that's for sure, but in the meanwhile just want to thank everyone again, you and everything here changed a lot of things in my life.

Enjoy your weekend.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

The Perfect Boyfriend

Hey everyone, hope all is well.

As for me, Things are pretty much the same, working hard, and enjoying basketball, well at least most of the time. We started playing in all competitions a couple of weeks ago, so there are more games, more flights and more games that are in other countries, some better places and some places that i wouldn't go on vacation to, but then again, no one asked me.

There seems to be a high percentage of no N.B.A season, at least not this year. Without going in to too much discussion and taking sides, it's pretty disappointing. I hear a lot of people talk about the N.B.A players decision to reject the last offer, I talked to a couple of teammates who have played more than a couple of years in the N.B.A, while some take a natural side, one of them just said that he can't understand the players and they are just making a "dumb" decision as he calls it.

He says that the owners did give them some better options in the last offer and that he can't understand how they can reject that and gamble on their whole season and on the law suit in court, a law suit that they might end up losing.

I read a couple of column on ESPN , and a lot of them go back to the point of relativity, that while most people have to get a second job to make ends meet, the players are fighting and calling the decision that can reduce some of the players salary from 5.4 million to 5.0 million something that they can't accept.

I feel like most of the public on the situation, I mean I know that the players are trying to take care of the future generations, but I think that a deal should have been done, especially with the economy being as it is, but then again, I’m just someone looking in from the outside.

It’s going to be disappointing not having a season, not having games in the middle of the night to watch and feel a sleep in front of and not being able to see former teammates playing for their respective teams, but I guess that's life.

It will defiantly mean that more N.B.A players will come over and play in Europe. some might land in my team and some might land in my league or in our Europe competition, so it might be nice from that point of view.

During one of our flights a couple of weeks ago I had the chance to sit back by myself and think a little, I don't know why or how, but I started thinking about what would my perfect BF be like, since I don't have one to share it with and I can't really talk to my teammates and roommate on trips about it, I thought I would share it here.

So here goes nothing, I think looks wise It's a given, my brother always laughs at me about this, but I’m a fool for blondes, always was and always will be. My perfect BF would be blonde, 6'1 - 6'2, boyish looks, athletic body; I always like a little muscle on a guy, but just on the light note, not a body builder or something. I wouldn't mind a six pack, I would love a cute smile along with that boyish face and body, as I have found out I'm not into hairy guys, I would want him to be a couple of years younger than me, that's as far as appearance wise, we are all a little shallow in the end, aren't we?

As for character, I dream about an easy going guy, someone who loves just spending time together without having to do something all the time, just walking around ,taking a trip, going to dinner or to a movie. Someone that loves cuddling and just being with me, whether I feel like doing something or just spending a day indoors.

A guy that loves dancing, cause I have to admit that I do love it, a guy that can go out with me and just enjoy the music and dancing together, someone that won't flirt with other guys while we are out. A guy that makes compromises, because I do a lot for the people I love, even if it's something I don't necessarily want to.

Of course like most of us, I would love a guy that has a stable job and a nice income, so we can both enjoy the possibilities of life and we would be able to afford the things we want. But as my brother always tells me and makes fun of me on the matter, I’m destined to fall in love with a guy who is flat out broke, someone like an artist, a musician or anyone who is just scraping by while trying to do the thing he loves the most. If that happens, I can just hope I will be in a situation that I could take care of both of us, or at least help him out as much as I can.

I would love a BF that loves kids, that wants kids and can't see life without them. I know I can't see my life without kids and I would want someone who would feel the same. I would be happy if he comes from a loving family that accepts him, just so he will have more support and feel better, I’m sure he will feel better around my family, that I have no doubt will accept and love anyone that I decide to love.

It’s weird to say it now, but when the time comes I would prefer someone who isn't in the closet, a lot of the time it was hard for me when guys told me that they had a problem being with someone that wasn't out and that was keeping a secret. It was hard for me to understand that back then, but now that I know that I will live my life out of the closet I can understand not wanting to have barriers holding you from being out and honest and just living a normal life.

It would be a great thing to have a serious BF before I retire, I mean, spending time together with someone while playing basketball, having someone to really share what I feel, the good days and the bad days and everything around it.

It's funny, while I’m sitting and writing all this down I understand that BF might not be the right word, that I’m basically just talking about the guy I would love to spend my life with, more like my husband, even if I hadn't thought about it too much or that I’m not sure in general that I would like to get married, but the principle is the same.

I get a great feeling just writing about this, it's something that I didn't think about or couldn't express till last year, I mean it was always on my mind, but I think putting it down on paper, or the web to be more accurate just means it's something I see naturally, at least I hope so.

I know that in life I don't get exactly what I want, but if I could go into a shop and make an order, I think that's more or less the order I would make. Last summer when I met the guy that pretty much changed a lot in me, even if it was only two weeks, he was pretty close in some of the areas I mentioned. Again, it's just the type I think I’m most attracted to, but I also accepted that something’s aren't what I would want, but I know that there are always compromises to be made.

In the end of the day the sentence that sounds unreal is true in a lot of cases: "looks won't last forever", but other things, such as character and kindness and being able to give and receive love can last forever.

Enjoy the weekend.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

The Message Of Gay Porn

Hey everyone, sorry for the delay, just been a busy last couple of weeks.

Basketball wise everything is good, we won the last couple of games so the mood is good. I'm getting my minutes and having fun out there and that's all that matters, at least for me.

I mean of course money matters, but I don't play basketball just for the paycheck, I play it for the love of the game and for the memories that it will give me when I’m gray and old and sitting with my family and talking about it.

I know some players would go to a place that they might not play as much for a bigger payday, but I don't believe in that, of course I’m not judging, everyone does what he thinks is best for him.

Actually I wanted to write a little about gay porn. When I started understanding that I’m different and that I don't like girls, somewhere around 16-17 I started watching porn and masturbation in front of it, since I didn't see too many options besides that.

With time I have to admit that I stopped watching porn all together, not the websites with all the naked pictures and for sure not the websites with all the movies. Now it's not that I stopped liking guys or stopped enjoying a beautiful male body or even stopped masturbating.

I just don't believe in what porn in general says, straight or gay and luckily for me I have a head and I have an imagination I can still use to get those same pleasures that gay porn delivers.

I believe that porn, and I will talk about gay porn, since that's what I know more about, is not really sex or love making which is the meaning or the wish of most of us. I find it to be very violent and emotionless almost.

Now of course there might be websites or other things that might not fall under that category, but in general when I think about the porn I used to watch I just find it to be something rough that really shows guys/girls as objects and not people.

Again, in my eyes it's mostly violent and humiliating a lot of times. It's just my feelings on the subject and I don't want to think of sex or love making that way, it just gives me a feeling that the sex is about just banging someone and leaving your emotions at the door.

I know that it's the target of those websites and of course any one of us that is horny can easily enjoy it and everyone is entitled too.

I believe that a lot of the time someone who is gay faces a lot of problems about his self image, let’s be honest, society usually looks down at gay men and it doesn't help anyone’s self esteem, together with the online porn it can usually lead to a bad grasping of what sex is.

Straight guys can talk about it and hear about it much more, where gay men or grownups don't have a lot of places to go and ask, both cause they are scared and also cause they are shy. I believe they find the answers online and on porn sites and sadly I think they get the wrong message about what sex is and what sex means.

I have to admit that I also got that same wrong message when I was younger, luckily, at least that's the way I feel, I past that stage and I see sex in different eyes at this stage of my life.

I sometimes just feel bad that that's basically the only exposure that most young gay teenagers will have to the subject and they might pick up bad habits, not in the sense of being safe or not, but in the sense of grasping sex as something that might be humiliating towards one of the participants in it.

I know that a lot of you might think differently and I’m happy to hear anyone that has anything else to say or to add on the subject. I just believe that those websites might have a little or a lot to do with the way people look at sex and the meaning that it gives it.

In the end of the day making love is supposed to be something special, beautiful and important and it might be hard to reach that stage or to find that person that makes you think of sex as something important, but I just feel that porn sends the wrong message.

Have a good one