Saturday, May 28, 2011


Hey everyone, hope you are all enjoying the weekend and celebrating memorial day with your family and friends.

I'm still not in the U.S.A, but plan on being there in the near future.

I'm doing well, enjoying the last days of our season, soon and another season of basketball will be over.

As for the title of my post, I'm not really talking about drugs in the recreational way, those I must admit I don't do, even though a lot of the Americans I played and play with do have a tendency to smoke some pot or grass or whatever.

Today there is more drug testing also, so it's problematic sometimes, but for me, it's not really a issue, since I don't really feel I have the need to take or try doing that.

However, for my the issue was different, around two years ago, I started getting really nervous before games and not feeling too well. I wasn't sure what the reason was, but a little thinking and consulting with about the one person who knew around that time that I was gay, it became obvious.

I was really worried about the whole gay issue, not if someone will find out, but I think it was around the time that I started to devote more hours to thinking about what it's like to be gay and what are the affects on my career.

Thinking about success and if I will succeed and become well known then maybe more people would be interested in my life. That the media will find out that i'm gay and I guess I was really worried about all that. Was worried what will happen to my career and basically it stopped being a game and it became something much more series.

I couldn't deal with the pressure up to the game, from warm ups to everything around, so I decided after talking with a friend and someone licensed.

Of course I didn't tell that licensed person that i'm gay, but just that i'm really nervous. I decided to take pills that will ease the tension and calm me down before the game.

I did that for around a year until I decided that I need to deal with things by myself and not with pills, also I think that I started accepting more the gay side of myself and that it's not the worse thing in the world.

I can say that i'm feeling much better and also playing better, I feel more relaxed and more calm during the game and the preparation for it.

I have to say, I was never addicted or anything, I only took one pill before every game and that's it, never two, never not in a situation of a game, so I knew how to control things and myself.

I'm happy I stayed balanced and i'm happier that I don't have a need for it now, also happy that i'm playing good, but I guess that's not something out of the ordinary.

guess that's about it for this time, before I wrap the posts up for this year, I think I have around another post or two before I head to vacation, so see you all next week, where I will try to talk a little about summer negotiations.

I'm finishing up my contract this year, I usually don't go into details of course, but can just say that i'm finishing up my first year on my current team and we will have to see what are my options for the future.

Till then :)

1 comment:

  1. I admire the balance and self control. Good luck on the new contract mr baller.