Party Machine

Well, I took your advice and decided to write just when I felt like it. So a lot has happened since the last time I sat down to write.

I will begin with my friend overseas, I told you that I tried to reach him a couple of times and through different places but got no answers. I figured out that I don't really have too much left to do, but just leave it and face that nothing is going to happen.

After a couple of days his roommate answered a message I wrote her, I had written the message almost two weeks earlier. I knew that they were really good friends so I wanted to hear what she has to say. She talked about the fact that he really cares about me and only has good things to say and that he is had his issues in the past and I shouldn't give up.

I thought about it and texted him a couple of days later that I want to talk and asked for him to text me when he has time to talk, he did do that when he finished work. It was after I had a game that same night and it was around 6 am my time. We talked for about an hour and a half, about everything, about him coming to visit me next month, about spending the summer together and those kind of things. It was a great conversation and it gave me a good feeling.

He said that he will text me the following day and will start looking at dates and to plan his visit, he didn't text that following day, he did text something the next day, but at that point I knew that nothing is really going to happen in the story, besides me getting disappointing over and over again.

I didn't hear from him for a couple of days and I decided that i'm not going to try and reach out to him anymore, he texted me this morning, while I was sleeping, I replied when I woke up, but again, it's just one of those situations that I hear from him once or twice in two weeks and that's not for me, at least not right now, even though I truly miss him.

Besides that I have been going out a lot over here, been out like four times this week, it was really fun, danced and enjoyed myself, met a nice guy, had a cup of coffee with him, just nice ordinary things, I guess something that most of just do on a regular base, so it was nice.

When I first started going out I had a couple of great games that followed, so that was nice and also gave me a good feeling about everything, however the last two games weren't as good, which is always disspointing, but I had a feeling that I had passed a certain barrier that would allow me to play better and feel better and it's a little hard to deal with the fact that it's still not what I believe it can be, but I guess nothing came easy until now, so there is no reason for things to change.

Thanks again and have a nice week

Going Out

Well, I really didn't think I would be doing this again, but sometimes we do things we didn't plan.

I felt I had to write this, both because of me and also because of you that followed me through the last couple of years.

About a month ago, which is around the time I decided to stop writing the blog I decided also to start going out and live my life. I decided not to talk about it, not to come out in a formal way, but just to start living my life and to see what happens.

I went out to my first party a couple of weeks ago, I walked into a place in the middle of the week, and it was kind of empty, the good thing about it was that I didn't feel any pressure and I wasn't really nervous doing it. I was surprised and happy with that feeling.

After seeing that it was kind of empty, I decided to go to another pub that I read about, not really knowing what to expect. I came in there and it was quite full, but was also nice, I found a corner to stand in and just watch a little bit and enjoy the atmosphere and everything around it. After a couple of hours I went home with a smile and a nice feeling.

The funny thing was that just before I left I went to the bathroom and when I came out some guy yelled my name, I smiled and continued to walk out the door, not feeling nervous or anything of the sort.

I got back home and continued my week as usual, the week after I read about another party, so I took the day off that we had and went over there, it was real nice, good music, some cute guys, some not as cute. I got hit on by a couple of guys, talked to a nice guy, danced, drank some water ( that's me going all crazy) and headed back home.

Of course on the way out, someone mentioned my name, but I didn't really care. I was in a good mood and I was starting to live life, a couple of days later I was shocked. I finished practice and went to the locker room, when I got there I checked my phone and saw that the guy from my summer vacation added me on Facebook and messaged me that he really misses me and asked if we can talk.

I really had missed him and it was so long that I didn't think I would hear from him. I called him and we talked, also about also meeting again, we exchanged texts for a couple of days and I was in a good mood, couldn't really believe all that was going on.

After a couple of days of talking and texting we kind of hit a dead end, again same problems as before, the fact that we don't even live in the same continent or that we can't see each other more than two months in a year, he started pulling away and I put too much pressure on him at the same time.

I didn't hear from him for a day or two, I tried texting, face booking or what not, but I didn't hear back, It was and it's still really hard on me. I tried to catch him three different times, but didn't hear back, so I gave up, I know that I might of pushed too much, but it was just because I was so excited to hear from him.

It's funny that we still are Facebook friends and I can see him online from time to time, it's hard for me not to message him, but I got to respect his wishes I guess. It would have been nicer to hear him say something, but I guess I don't always accept that each one does things differently and I'm not the center of the world and can't always get my way.

I'm still going out around once or twice a week, depends on our schedule and all the things around the team, i'm still having fun, getting hit on and just enjoying the change in my life. I'm passed the stage of the hookups, so I'm not really looking for it anymore, if someone really special comes along maybe I wouldn't mind starting there and seeing where it would go from there.

Last time out I met another nice guy, we talked until the early hours of the morning and we might meet later this week again, I don't really know what to make of it or think about this whole situation, but we will see.

I also don't know exactly how I would deal with a relationship, I mean, I don't have a problem being seen with a guy or going out on dates, it's time for me to live my life, but I don't know how I will cope with a relationship and trusting myself with someone else, after all the years that I was alone.

As for coming out, It might hit the gossip columns eventually, or at least a hint about it,  but for now I don't care, I don't feel like I need to shout it to the rooftops, but rather just live my life, maybe later on I will do the shouting part also, but only time will tell.

It's weird that I was in such a great mood since all this started, but the last couple of days haven't been as good, it's been real difficult. Only because after hearing from the guy that I met in the summer after all this time and now losing connection with him again made me feel so much worse than just missing him. I haven't completely given up on him, I hope he calls or texts, but for now I just give him the space that I guess he needs.

Well, that was what I wanted to tell everyone, hope all of you are doing well.

Enjoy the weekend.