My Love Life

Well, we are getting close to the big event, that is the Superbowl of course, I will just say I hope the Saints win even though that might get some people mad.(sorry Jim)

To our subject, I think it's about time too explain about my love life, or no love life at that.

Not too long ago, when I was just starting my pro career and at the same time my new found journey in the gay world, I started to use the internet on a regular base.

Like every second person in this world, I met maybe a gay or two online, terrible is not a word that can fully express how those meetings were.

Besides the guys not been too much to my liking, I was of course to scared to go out side and meet them anywhere public, so they came to my apartment, and once they got there it was a problem.

I didn't know whether to turn them away or just get it over with, those words can describe it, I felt bad after.

It was no fun or nor did it give me any hopes about the gay life I was walking towards, to top it all I was always sure that my neighbors could some how hear something and that they knew all about me.

After those couple of meetings I was a little afraid or not really willing to give it another go.Guess my hormones give in after some time and I decided to go out and meet a guy I had talked long with on the internet.

I was sure he had nothing to do with sports, and also I was just new to the pro world. We went out on a date, I felt the worst ever, he was really really cute, and really good looking, but I could hardly function, I was feeling sick , couldn't eat anything, just nervous all the time.

Somehow it ended up as a good experience, not so much how I felt physically, but having a crush on someone was a first to me, I mean someone I actually met, not long after it turned out he was a teaser.

He decided that someone that wasn't out wasn't for him, even though it didn't bother him before, I took it really bad, started to think what did I do wrong and things of the sort.

Sometime later, after I felt better about myself in general I knew it wasn't my fault, but I can honestly say it was the worse I had ever felt regarding a guy, It didn't last too long, but it was long enough.

Basically besides that guy there was one more guy that I went out with and met, he was a little older than me, but very good looking, cute and my type. I still was afraid of walking the streets with him, kind of guessing it was more psychological than anything real, but he noticed, and he didn't mind reminding me after.

We kind of started to see each other quit a lot, mostly at his house, it was fun and gave me a good feeling, but at the same time this guy wasn't someone i could really trust.

He basically wanted an open relationship, now for me that held on for a week or two, but at some point I decided it wasn't for me, I met him once a couple of months later, we ended up going back to his place, but after that I really decided to call it quits.

Indeed that was the last of him, can't say I missed him much, maybe just having someone to meet and enjoy causal sex, but nothing more.

After that situation, I pretty much decided that I'm not going to go online anymore and not try to find someone or deal with all the things around while playing basketball. I kept up to my decision, haven't logged on any sites or met any guys during the season.

I think that after experiencing meetings some guys and at the same time seen my career develop it was to much of a risk for me to continue meeting guys, or going on dates.

If somehow I will meet someone by accident, it can be a different story, but for now the rest will just get me paranoid and worried.

The off season is a little different, I do try to use a short period of the time to live my other life, the one which doesn't involve basketball. Mostly by not flying home straight after finishing the season, but making a small stop on the way, but I will leave that for the next post

P.S got a new email, it's in my profile, Anonymous.baller20@gmail.com, now I'm like everyone :)

and on another note, I was asked after the last post about guys comparing and things of the sort in the shower.

well, basically I didn't see that happening too much, everyone feels comfortable in the looker room and no one has anything to hide, so it's just a natural thing for everyone.