A Special Trip - Part One

Hey everyone, hope the weekend was enjoyable.

As for this post, Well, life has a way of making the unexpected happen sometimes, on some occasions it for the good and some for the bad. Anyway, this is something that is harder for me to share, so it took me some time to get to it.

Before I get started I have to mention that I wrote a lot, but a lot on this, so it will probably take at least three – four posts. some are a little shorter than the others, just wanted it to be readable and not be just one very very long post.

I was on vacation last year in another lovely city in our dear little world.

When I went out to a club I suddenly saw someone I recognized, I was pretty sure that I know him but I didn’t approach him, but rather went on, later on the same night I looked up and saw him standing next to me, we looked at each other, I recognized him that second and smiled and he came up to me and mentioned my name and asked if it was me, and it was indeed me.

I felt so weird, since nothing like this has happened to me before, also he had a big part in me telling my parents. I met him and his friend in one of the first clubs I ever went out to and after that night I decided to tell my parents. I mention it on the post I wrote about me coming out (part 1) way back in January of last year.

It’s been a couple of years since we met. We never hit it off romantically; we stayed in touch here and there through emails, but never got the chance to see each other. Until that same night, we started to talk a little bit, he introduced me to a friend of his, and we started chatting, this guy is actually one of the only ones that knows the real me and everything about me.

We started dancing, his friend said that he has to get going because he had work the day after, so it was just the two of us, we were dancing and having fun, while both of us felt very strange since it was a few years between the first time we met and this current trip.

He looked at me and after that we started kissing, it was very unreal, great, but unreal, after that we stayed in the club for an hour and a half, just danced , kissed and had some fun, nothing major, talked a little bit also, and that was about it.

After he told me that me that he had to leave since he also has work in the morning we exchanged numbers, we talked about meeting up for dinner the next day. My hotel was actually close by to where we went out to so I decided to walk back.

Got lost like ten times and walked all over, but it was still summer and good weather out there, so it was a fun walk.

I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I have truly almost no experience in relationships, I also think I have a way to always attract the less serious ones. So in my book it was a sure thing that I won't hear from him in the morning or that it would just be a onetime meeting.

I was sure that he won't call or answer, because I'm very pessimistic about things like that working out or relationships in general, maybe the situation I'm in made me like this, I don’t really know.

My Love Life

Well, we are getting close to the big event, that is the Superbowl of course, I will just say I hope the Saints win even though that might get some people mad.(sorry Jim)

To our subject, I think it's about time too explain about my love life, or no love life at that.

Not too long ago, when I was just starting my pro career and at the same time my new found journey in the gay world, I started to use the internet on a regular base.

Like every second person in this world, I met maybe a gay or two online, terrible is not a word that can fully express how those meetings were.

Besides the guys not been too much to my liking, I was of course to scared to go out side and meet them anywhere public, so they came to my apartment, and once they got there it was a problem.

I didn't know whether to turn them away or just get it over with, those words can describe it, I felt bad after.

It was no fun or nor did it give me any hopes about the gay life I was walking towards, to top it all I was always sure that my neighbors could some how hear something and that they knew all about me.

After those couple of meetings I was a little afraid or not really willing to give it another go.Guess my hormones give in after some time and I decided to go out and meet a guy I had talked long with on the internet.

I was sure he had nothing to do with sports, and also I was just new to the pro world. We went out on a date, I felt the worst ever, he was really really cute, and really good looking, but I could hardly function, I was feeling sick , couldn't eat anything, just nervous all the time.

Somehow it ended up as a good experience, not so much how I felt physically, but having a crush on someone was a first to me, I mean someone I actually met, not long after it turned out he was a teaser.

He decided that someone that wasn't out wasn't for him, even though it didn't bother him before, I took it really bad, started to think what did I do wrong and things of the sort.

Sometime later, after I felt better about myself in general I knew it wasn't my fault, but I can honestly say it was the worse I had ever felt regarding a guy, It didn't last too long, but it was long enough.

Basically besides that guy there was one more guy that I went out with and met, he was a little older than me, but very good looking, cute and my type. I still was afraid of walking the streets with him, kind of guessing it was more psychological than anything real, but he noticed, and he didn't mind reminding me after.

We kind of started to see each other quit a lot, mostly at his house, it was fun and gave me a good feeling, but at the same time this guy wasn't someone i could really trust.

He basically wanted an open relationship, now for me that held on for a week or two, but at some point I decided it wasn't for me, I met him once a couple of months later, we ended up going back to his place, but after that I really decided to call it quits.

Indeed that was the last of him, can't say I missed him much, maybe just having someone to meet and enjoy causal sex, but nothing more.

After that situation, I pretty much decided that I'm not going to go online anymore and not try to find someone or deal with all the things around while playing basketball. I kept up to my decision, haven't logged on any sites or met any guys during the season.

I think that after experiencing meetings some guys and at the same time seen my career develop it was to much of a risk for me to continue meeting guys, or going on dates.

If somehow I will meet someone by accident, it can be a different story, but for now the rest will just get me paranoid and worried.

The off season is a little different, I do try to use a short period of the time to live my other life, the one which doesn't involve basketball. Mostly by not flying home straight after finishing the season, but making a small stop on the way, but I will leave that for the next post

P.S got a new email, it's in my profile, Anonymous.baller20@gmail.com, now I'm like everyone :)

and on another note, I was asked after the last post about guys comparing and things of the sort in the shower.

well, basically I didn't see that happening too much, everyone feels comfortable in the looker room and no one has anything to hide, so it's just a natural thing for everyone.