Friday, October 8, 2010

Highs And Lows

Hey again, hope everyone is enjoying the weekend and all the sports events around it, baseball, NHL, NFL, NBA preseason, sounds like good times are heading your way.

After confessing about my secret love life with girls last time :), I wanted to talk a little more about the mood swings and the big changes in a career of a basketball player.

There is a famous sports saying that says : "You are only as good as your last game". Sometimes it's to harsh, but a lot of time it's the way a player or more correctly, I feel.

You can have a great game one day and you feel good about it, you feel good with what you accomplished and what you achieved and you feel on top of the world. The next game you can have a trouble game and suddenly it takes you to other places, suddenly I at least, feel that I'm not in shape or I'm not good enough or that I'm not doing or achieving what I expect from myself.

I talked about it before, I think it has a lot to do with been gay, at least for me. I'm not saying that It doesn't happen to other people, I'm sure it does, and I'm sure that there is a sensitive spot or issue with each one of those players, but for me it's this issue.

The gay Issue, feeling a lot of times that I'm not equal to others, maybe because I " got screwed over" cause I'm gay, or if it's any other feeling of not being as good as others.

I think that's why it's easy for me to take bad games to a more extreme emotional feeling than good games, because the bad games just give me the "excuse" I need to "prove" to myself that I'm not as good as others.

Of course as time moves on, this is becoming less and less of an issue and I'm learning to deal with it much better, my sexuality and basketball together. In a way I think that having the ability to accept bad games can help bring more good games my way.

Accepting that I can make mistakes like everyone else, whether I'm gay, straight or something else and not being to harsh on myself will allow me to feel better and I believe that a better feeling outside the court brings better results on the court.

On another note, I have to say that almost a year ago when I started my blog I wasn't sure how and if it would effect my game. I was worried in the beginning that putting myself out there, not in a way that people will know me, but telling my story, even if it's an anonymous one would damage my game or at least make me paranoid.

I'm happy to say that this isn't the case, I think that the fact that I was able to start my blog was because I felt better about myself what also is helping me on the court. To date, things are just continuing to be great and I feel in great shape, I'm enjoying myself and I really feel that I'm getting to the places I desire and wish to get to.

Before I wrap this post up, I got a small question for those who follow me, first of all thanks of course, it's always a great feeling. Secondly is there any subject or issue that someone wants to ask about or wants me to write about? most of the questions that people have for me I get to my email box, so feel free to ask away.

Secondly, I don't talk about games or things that happen or take place during the game, I'm not sure that it something that you want to read about, if I'm wrong just let me know and I will be happy to share more stories of basketabll, which doesn't always involve sexuality.



  1. There's really no valid reason that you should think that being gay makes you inferior or somehow less of a man than a straight guy. It's more likely that the opposite is true. Most gay guys have greater self-awareness and a better-developed capacity to connect with other people than the average straight guy. And these qualities are some of the defining characteristics of what it means to be a human being.

  2. ...would definitely like to hear more about the games and competition. Life is a LOT more than just dealing with one's sexuality.

  3. Having felt similarly when I was younger, it's a lot deeper than someone "thinking" that he's inferior. It's more like a nagging gut "sense" or a "feeling." It's "pre" thought. That's what makes it so hard to deal with.

    When I was younger, I had a nagging sense that something was different about me, it wasn't OK, and people wouldn't like it if they found out. I responded by trying to be perfect. All of this was happening largely outside of my awareness. What results is what used to be called "The Best Little Boy in the World" (the title of a VERY dated memoir...I don't recommend it). We intuitively think that if we can be an Eagle Scout or an altar boy or the guy who dropped 20 and grabbed 10 rebounds on that last team, then they'll be so impressed with us that they won't notice "that other thing."

    Eventually, hopefully, we all can work ourselves to a place where we see that being gay offers us a unique, creative, useful set of perspectives that most straight people don't have. But I can completely relate to how this blogger is feeling and how "achievement" can feel as if it makes you feel better...for a short while. ;-) I get that; I used to try to do that.