Friday, October 15, 2010

Top, Bottom And All The Rest

Hey again, well, I’m not exactly going to talk about what I prefer in bed, but I do want to write about some thoughts or some interesting things I feel I learned about other guys, some from talking to, some from meeting up with and some just from reading their thoughts and stories.

A lot of guys say about themselves that they are either a “bottom” or “top”. I’m sure that everyone knows what he feels and what he desires, but I think it’s a little more complicated. I think that if you talk to a guy in a more intimate conversation a lot that say about them that they are only a “top” will tell you that they might be willing to switch if they found someone that they really like. Someone that they feel it’s something important and not just a one night stand.

As for guys that are bottom, I guess you can’t put it in categories, everyone is different, a lot can just allow themselves to be what they want and do what they feel is right. Sometimes I guess a person that says about himself that he is a “top” is someone that is scared of anything else.

I think that in this point, at least in my opinion the homophobia kicks in, I think that there are a lot of guys that see being “penetrated” or being a “bottom” as something that makes you less of a man, some guys see it as maybe something border line “violent”, or humiliating. I guess if someone thinks that, then he might be looking at sex as something that isn’t beautiful or special.

Again, I think that it can make guys feel or think that they are less of a man and have less qualities or self esteem if they act as “bottoms”. Even though you can also say that sometimes “bottoms” have a need feel not as equals or to put it in a more harsh way to feel humiliated or they get off when they are treated ”badly”.

You can also look at it in another angle, or at least I do, sometimes there are guys that are afraid to be a “top”, again I think it can be related to being scared, some guys can look at sex as violent and hurting. Some guys can think that going into another guy might hurt him, might be painful for him, or they might be scared that they won’t be able to get it up or something of the sort.

I have to clarify what I said, I’m not judging anyone or saying that being a “top” or “bottom” is better or worse, and of course every guy is entitled to do whatever he enjoys and pleases him, as long as his partner thinks the same.

I think that a guy that can say about himself that he is versatile might be a little more developed or a little less homophobic for that matter, being able to choose your preference according to the guy you meet and what you feel like and being able to admit to it can usually say something about acceptance.

I know for a fact that straight guys also have a lot of similar issues, I can testify that a lot of basketball players, (cause those are mostly the straight guys I hear this things from) usually have a need to degrade women, use language that doesn’t suggest that they feel good about sex in general, but make it sound like more of a conquest. Hearing that makes me feel that they also have their own issues about sex. Mainly fear.

I feel like someone that needs to degrade women and make them not his equal also has his problems with sex and with seeing it is something beautiful and not as something that makes him feel more of a man and her less of a person.

I have to admit that when I just started meeting guys I was blocked completely also, I just went through the motions but I didn’t feel anything, I tried, but I guess I just wasn’t feeling to good about myself and I wasn’t able to enjoy because I was afraid and I guess also homophobic.

To wrap things up, I just wrote what I feel and what I think, there might be a hundred people that have a hundred different opinions and of course all of them are just as worthy as mine, I’m not trying to make facts, but just put my feelings on paper.
Enjoy the weekend my friends.


  1. I see things a little differently--to me, a true bottom is one who is sexually aroused and cums when receiving. As a versatile top, I prefer to be on top and I am ok to bottom, though it doesn't arouse me to cum.
    As for degrading others, I would say men do it because they don't feel good about themselves, sexually or otherwise, and need to push others down to elevate themselves.

  2. I predict you are versatile my friend :)
    I don't know about you, but it all just kind of depends on who I'm with. I can be ultra motivated for various activities depending on the company lol.

    A LOT of gay guys or closeted gay guys I've run across have issues (including me). I've been amazed at how being gay has impacted so many people. Guys you think are fine with it actually have a lot of baggage. Military guys are a mess, been with a few, that really probably need some counseling. And who can blame them?

    How about those studies that suggest that the really violent homophobes are themself gay? I was a self homophobe for awhile. I didn't want to be this, whatever this is. But once I met some gay friends in my journey, life got a lot more fun, easy. Man I should of done that sooner. I just spent too much time running with the str8 crowd and pretending I was one of them. I dunno, it's a tough journey but I do know I LIKE GUYS. So wtf.

    Hope your well Baller, go slam dunk one in someone's face for me.


  3. I don't think that most bottoms like to be degraded (that's more of an SM/BD fetish, IMO). I think it's more of a good feeling that can happen by "letting go," by "submitting." When a man submits to another man, he feels the other man's masculinity and power. Being attracted to another man's masculinity is one popular way to..."be gay."

    To complicate things even further, you can talk about whether a gay man is top or bottom inside and outside the bedroom. They don't always line up. Take members of the Marine Corp, for example. ;-) Or, there was a profile posting from a buddy of mine: "I want a boy in the bedroom and a daddy in the world (older, wiser, powerful man." This young man is a sexual top who likes a bottom in the bedroom, and he likes an older, wiser, powerful man as a companion in the world.

    Like much of life, the deeper you go into something like top/bottom sexuality, the more you find that things are not always as they appear on the surface.