Saturday, January 15, 2011

Still Far Away

Hey Everyone, another week has gone by and after my birthday party, the real life resumes, jk.

Hope everyone is enjoying the winter and probably the snow that is coming with it. I actually like the snow, I always feel like a kid when I go outside and see the snow piling up and the beautiful white picture that comes along with it.

On a different subject, I must say that even thought I know I still have a long way to go before I come out and retire from basketball I had a couple of thoughts on the subject of friends this week.

I went to eat lunch with a teammate that is also a good friend; we do this about once a week more or less. I was thinking what would happen if I told him, not in the sense that I was close to saying anything, but I was just playing it out in my head.

Now the thing is I know he is a good friend, and I care about him, it’s not that I have a special physical attraction to him, but I do enjoy his company and he is a good dude and some one that is important to me.

The thing is I see how he talks about the gay issue, how he is just like all the others that mention the “NO HOMO” comment in every situation that you can bring it up, and that everything that might look not manly is rewarded with the word GAY.

I know that a lot if not most basketball players are homophobic, first of all because it’s a macho sport and secondly just like a lot of different people they are always worried that they might have an inch of gayness in them.

Otherwise why would they be bothered by something that they know isn’t related or isn’t a possibility for them? Since I don’t have any plans to come out soon this usually doesn’t come up, also in our world and profession you don’t play too many years with the same guys and usually each one goes his own way and you lose track of one another.

I have met a couple of guys during my career that were genuinely open minded and accepting, not of me, but of the situations in life. I picked that up during trips, meals and a lot of conversations that I had with them and that teammates had with them also.

However I have to admit that it disappoints me, if not hurts me a little bit that people that I truly care about talk or behave this way, like being gay is a disease or so wrong. I know it also has a lot to do with where they grew up and what they know and I have to accept it.

I believe, or better yet, I want to believe that those people who I consider my friends will accept me as I am when time comes. However I can truly say that if they won’t I will be somewhat disappointed but I will move on.

I will know that my family accepts me and I accept myself and who ever really cares about me will do the same, if not, then guess they don’t deserve a place in my life.

It’s so far from me right now, but for some reason it came to mind this week, I can pretty much guarantee that the friends I have now won’t be the friends I have when it’s time to come out.

Basketball and the places I and others play change all the time. None the less it will be interesting to see what the reactions will be when time comes; in the meanwhile I will just focus on my game and keep the rest to myself.


  1. Great blog you have here. Keep it up!

  2. You can never assume you know how folks will react. Just sayin.

  3. Friends will be there for you regardless. If they abandon you, then there weren't really your friends. May I suggest picking one friend, which whom you confide in the most, and just share more and more personal information about yourself to him. You don't have to come out to him, but just create the environment that "I can tell you anything or you can tell me anything". Once the gates are open, then communication can be more open. I guarantee that once you start divulging information, the law of reciprocity will kick in and he'll do the same. The deeper this goes, the deeper the friendship will go. Then it will be a lot easier to come out to him when you're ready. This has worked for me several times when coming out to my friends. It worked every single time. Just choose wisely. I hope that helps.

  4. P.S. I perfected this technique because I was a comm major in college, so it came easy to me. lol.

  5. Have you considered challenging (in a non-confrontational way) this friend's homophobic comments when just the two of you are together? You wouldn't have to reveal anything personal, but if he's a good guy you'd be doing him a favor. Assuming that he disapproves of people making racist remarks, he should be able understand that anti-gay bigotry is just as unjustifiable.

  6. you have to undastnd that its taken you like 20smthn years to accept you u rili are and even tell ur parents, bt frankly u have to give dem tym to sink it in. its not like dey dont love u or somtin, ts just dat dey have to rili get to undastnd dat sm1 dey rili care about just turns out to b gay...frends hu rili love u wud com me