Spreading The Word

Hey everyone, hope all is well.

I'm doing well, we have just had a couple of league games and we started off on the right foot, always nice to start the season well and always nice to get the practice games out the door.

We are all following the N.B.A story and waiting to see what will happen. It would be weird to have players from our league leaving suddenly, but I guess it's something everyone knows can happen, will it? don't think anyone really knows.

As for me, had a nice conversation with a childhood friend, who is still a good friend of mine. I have known him since he was eleven and we have both played basketball since we have been kids.

Granted we don't live in the same country anymore, we still try to meet up in the summer and he is genuinely a good person with a good heart. I wanted to tell him this summer and I was about to just as we were walking together down the street, but at the last second I didn't.

Anyway, yesterday I decided it's about time to tell him, we didn't catch each other on Skype, so we just exchanged text messages, which was weird. I don't remember myself ever just written to someone, hey buddy, i'm gay.

In the end I just came out with it, hahah, I wrote a couple of messages in general then just wrote : " I'l just write it, even though it's weird to do so. I'm gay. don't really know what i'm supposed to write after this, but it was important for me to tell you".

I didn't have a doubt in my mind that he would be supportive, I think i'm at the stage that it's pretty clear to me that the people that really care about me love me for the person I am and not anything else.

He was amazing, asked a couple of questions and was just great, said that of course he loves me and cares about me and what I do in the bedroom is my business and would never influence our friendship.

We talked some more about the way it influences my basketball career and how I deal with it and it was just nice. I wasn't too nervous before and it didn't change my world, it's just nice to have one more friend that knows about it, it's as simple as that, at least for me.

I don't think I will go and start telling all my friends now, but he is someone that I wanted to share the news with. There is no one that I really feel I have to tell right now, I mean it might be nice, but the important people in my life already know, so will see what the future brings.

I read that tomorrow is spirit day, so don't forget to wear something purple, it's a nice thing to do to acknowledge the LGBT youth and our opinion on bullying, something I have spoken and read a lot of articles on lately.

If anyone here is a baseball fan then I hope you enjoy the world series, I'm rooting for Texas, but why wouldn't I, it's still the team that brought us George Bush and we need to be thankful for that :)

Enjoy the rest of the week everyone......

D-LIST + Lakers Addition

Hey everyone, hope everyone is doing well.

For those watching the playoffs, wow, what can you say about the Lakers ah? did anyone expect that? specially yesterday, getting blown out like that.

For those who aren't, I'm sure you got better things to do than watch basketball.

I'm guessing that most of you know or heard of a website called d-list, well anyway, I also heard of it and I logged on, not to date of course, but to try and get more people to read my blog and maybe find more nice people to talk to and to get to know just like I did through this blog.

I called myself Anon_Bball and of course I would be happy to hear from any of you that have a profile on this site and wish to say hey or chat a little or of course help people hear about my blog.

I wish I could use this site to meet some nice guys, cause there are sure some good looking guys on there, but since I can't put up a picture and really let them know who I am, I don't see too much sense in doing that.

Besides that there is around a month and a half left before my vacation and i'm getting excited, have it down to two locations I need to choose from, but non the less, just getting excited thinking about it.

As you can guess I can go to most countries without anyone knowing me, but I need to find somewhere that has a good gay life and something to do besides that.

Every year I hope something special happens on my vacation, even though for most of the last years it brought me a lot of fun, but also some heart break and some bad times after that, but boys will always be boys I guess.

On a different note, I try to read and keep up with gay rights and gay sites that have interesting stories as much as I can, I read a lot about college players that come out, usually not in the major sports, but still it makes for a nice read and i'm happy they feel better.

I don't want to say it again, because I said it 500 times, but I will make it 501 none the less. It's great and i'm all for it, but things won't change until pro athletes that are well known and compete at top level, whether in the N.B.A/N.F.L and other major sports come out and go publicly with their sexuality.

I don't see that happening in the near future, and again, I don't expect anyone to come out, just too much at stake. All of us also tend to forget that most gay men in life find other solutions and go on and get married to a woman, have kids and just live without being what they wished they would.

None of us can judge them or put ourselves in their shoes, so I guess all of us just need to accept it and continue to wait.

Enjoy the rest of the week and before I forget, whether you are a Lakers lover or hater, Phil Jackson deserves a word for all he is done for coaching and for basketball, it will be interesting to see if he stays retired.

Till we meet again.

p.s - Most of the comments have been about the Lakers, so I just wanted to add a little of what I think on the subject.

I enjoyed watching the Lakers and the team that has come together to be one that will be remembered in the history of the N.B.A, however in this last year I think everyone slowly started to dislike the Lakers a little bit. I was hoping Boston will win last year, but that wasn't the case, however everyone knows that every dynasty will eventually end, and we all know it's the Lakers time.

As for Phil Jackson, I have a feeling that if in interesting challenge will come his way then he might come back in a couple of years. As for leaving the starts on the floor the whole fourth quarter. It might be a message of sort, Saying you are the one's who brought us until here, in the good times and in the bad times, so you need to be the ones who play it out.

None of this is can explain the way some of the Lakers behaved in the second half, and as a player and a person, it's easy to show character when you win, but it's much harder to do so when you lose, and some of the Lakers showed little class if any in that game 4.

I think that the Lakers understood after game 3 that this series is over and I think they fell apart mentally, and just didn't or couldn't give anymore in game 4, if you saw game 3, you could also see that Phil was much more emotional than usually, maybe he also had enough. One of his quotes after the game, might take us to that direction, when he said that he's glad this season is over.

What will the future hold for them? And how much gossip are we going to here in the near future, well, will just wait and see I guess

Still Far Away

Hey Everyone, another week has gone by and after my birthday party, the real life resumes, jk.

Hope everyone is enjoying the winter and probably the snow that is coming with it. I actually like the snow, I always feel like a kid when I go outside and see the snow piling up and the beautiful white picture that comes along with it.

On a different subject, I must say that even thought I know I still have a long way to go before I come out and retire from basketball I had a couple of thoughts on the subject of friends this week.

I went to eat lunch with a teammate that is also a good friend; we do this about once a week more or less. I was thinking what would happen if I told him, not in the sense that I was close to saying anything, but I was just playing it out in my head.

Now the thing is I know he is a good friend, and I care about him, it’s not that I have a special physical attraction to him, but I do enjoy his company and he is a good dude and some one that is important to me.

The thing is I see how he talks about the gay issue, how he is just like all the others that mention the “NO HOMO” comment in every situation that you can bring it up, and that everything that might look not manly is rewarded with the word GAY.

I know that a lot if not most basketball players are homophobic, first of all because it’s a macho sport and secondly just like a lot of different people they are always worried that they might have an inch of gayness in them.

Otherwise why would they be bothered by something that they know isn’t related or isn’t a possibility for them? Since I don’t have any plans to come out soon this usually doesn’t come up, also in our world and profession you don’t play too many years with the same guys and usually each one goes his own way and you lose track of one another.

I have met a couple of guys during my career that were genuinely open minded and accepting, not of me, but of the situations in life. I picked that up during trips, meals and a lot of conversations that I had with them and that teammates had with them also.

However I have to admit that it disappoints me, if not hurts me a little bit that people that I truly care about talk or behave this way, like being gay is a disease or so wrong. I know it also has a lot to do with where they grew up and what they know and I have to accept it.

I believe, or better yet, I want to believe that those people who I consider my friends will accept me as I am when time comes. However I can truly say that if they won’t I will be somewhat disappointed but I will move on.

I will know that my family accepts me and I accept myself and who ever really cares about me will do the same, if not, then guess they don’t deserve a place in my life.

It’s so far from me right now, but for some reason it came to mind this week, I can pretty much guarantee that the friends I have now won’t be the friends I have when it’s time to come out.

Basketball and the places I and others play change all the time. None the less it will be interesting to see what the reactions will be when time comes; in the meanwhile I will just focus on my game and keep the rest to myself.

Coming Out To My Family - Part Two

Hey everyone, it's time to get to business and finish what I started.

I ended the last post by telling you that I had just got home from my vacation, and I came back with a clear thought in mind,coming out to my parents. Just to set the record straight (for one time only) i will tell you I have one brother in my family which is younger then me, but not by too many years.

So since I got back home I was trying to think how and when to do it and tell my parents, I was having thoughts 24/7 of what will be and what will change and how my life would be from there on out. I believe my thoughts were divided to two parts.

On the one side thinking rationally I believed that my parents love me and will accept me and who i am with no conditions and no second thoughts. On the other side, I heard like everyone else all the stories about kids being turned away by their parents for being gay,

I think the my biggest fear was that if I was barely accepting myself as a gay person, how can i expect my parents to do so. I had the worst thoughts and it was just a lot of nervous and tension building up towards "the moment of truth".

The D day came and i decided to tell my parents when they get back from work, I told them that I needed to talk to them about something when they get home, now usually I don't have those kinds of requests, so I guess they already knew it was something important.

I was nervous as hell while i waited for them to get home, when they finally did we sat down and I started talking,
I could barely finish a couple of sentences, i was getting really emotional (trying not to say I was crying) but I told them that it's something that I didn't chose and that is the reality of my life and some more things along that line that i don't really remember.

My parents were A-M-A-Z-I-N-G, they said that they don't care, that they just want me to be happy and that they love me no matter what or who I am. I know it sounds too simple or too easy, but that was the case, I was all emotional and they were just trying 2 reassure me that they love me no matter what and just tried to give me a good feeling.

All my worries and all the bad and "scary" thoughts I had disappeared in a second and it was like I just got rid of some extra pounds that were sitting on my shoulders.

Later in the week i told my brother,but that wasn't to difficult since I already told my parents which was the most important and scary part for me,

I think that me not fully accepting myself was reflecting on the thoughts I had towards my parents, cause when you don't accept yourself and feel different and not just as "normal" as everyone else you can't expect the others to do so. For sometime after I think I was still not sure if my parents really felt the same way they reacted or they just tried to make me feel better, but not long after I just knew that it was true.

Since then the subject doesn't come up to much, just because it's something that is natural, just as if i were straight. I feel that I can tell them anything I feel like, and if they hear anything interesting or worth mentioning on the subject they feel free to tell me also,

Looking back now I think that mom's usually can sense or at least think in that direction, lets call it a mother's intuition, I also think not having a steady girlfriend probably give them ideas, even though I'm pretty sure they didn't know until I told them.

As for my brother, we get along great and i feel free to tell him when I'm having a bad time or just when there is something interesting or funny on the subject, he has been amazing and it's plenty of fun.

All in all I have to say that the coming out part went much better then I could ever think, I did think at some point that If I would have told them a few years back maybe it would have saved me a couple years of worrying, but I really believe it's something that needs to happen just when a person, in this case me, feels ready for it, so I guess that was the time.

Unfortunately i know that parents don't always react that way and until this day anytime I read or hear of anything like that it gives me a real bad feeling.

I can sum it all up by just saying that I appreciate my family and I'm happy that they are the one's I call my parents, and of course i won't leave out my younger brother which is also OK...hahaha

Guess that's it for this subject, I will always look back at a smile at that trip and those two guys I met that brought me to tell my Family.

I appreciate the emails and the comments and you can feel free to ask or wonder when ever you feel like it.....

Coming Out To my Family - Part One

Well hey again,

Guess this subject doesn't need too much introduction. After a few posts and a couple of questions I decided just to put this part behind me and tell you my situation, this is the first half of it.

When I was in the beginning of my 20's more or less,not to long ago, I went on vacation with a couple of good friends,couple of straight friends.

We had a great couple of days and nights,going out and all the usual things, on the last night I decided I want to try to go out to a gay club. It was basically around the second time i was about to find myself in one. I told my friends that I had met a girl during the trip and that we would be going out, basically they went out and left me to get ready for my "date".

After looking for places to go on the internet, i decided to go to a club who got some good reviews, can't remember the name or anything,just remember I walked for about 30 min up and down, left and right in the area of the club before I could even think of going in.

Finally I decided I would, I went in and I guess it was still early cause they weren't too many people there, but later on more people came in and the place was packed. I also liked the music so I was managing all in all, better then the first time i went to a gay club, but that's a story for another time.

Any how, some guys tried to hit on me and start a conversation, but I was a little nervous and also I'm usually more drawn to guys I start the conversation with, rather then the other way around.

Towards the end of the night, when i was getting the feeling that nothing interesting is going 2 come out of this night. I was about to leave I started talking to a cute guy at the bar,and he had even a cuter friend with him. He was exactly my type, we started talking all three of us, drinking and just having fun, before i noticed it was 4 am and not too far from our flight back home.

All three of us left together, chatted a little more, kissed goodbye and went on our separate ways. I was feeling just great, pure joy. It was funny since i always thought the "life changing" experience would come after something involving sex, falling in love, but not from just meeting guys.

I really had fun with and just felt I was my own real self for the first time and it really did something to me.
I got back to the hotel, packed my things, smiled to my friends as we all caught the flight, must say I slept like a baby the whole way.

Once i got home, The idea of telling my parents started to run in my head.

Guess that's all for now....

Thougts On A Rugby Player Coming Out

It’s been on my mind for the last couple of weeks, since I heard and read the interview with Gareth Thomas ,the welsh rugby player that came out publicly not so long ago. The act itself brings up so many questions and so many thoughts. I don’t follow rugby, but I think this interview spoke loud and clear and can be attached to any sport we chose.

First of all, like I wrote on my last post, there is a big unanswered question or a question that people prefer to not discuses and that’s how come we hear of almost no gay men in pro sports.

Even Thomas in his interview talks about him not knowing any other players who are gay when statistically it’s just not possible. It’s sad that the issue is still so freighting and so scaring that no one wants to make that step. Just like my own thoughts, Thomas also mentions that he could never have come out while trying to establish a career for himself because then he might have lost the thing he loves more than anything, rugby.

I share those feelings, I can’t point out one specific “scary” part in the whole story that the fears are based on. If it’s being worried that teammates will look at you differently, that teams won’t want to sign you, or that the fans and the people around will just make it hard on you every game and everywhere. Unfortunately, a lot of the sports fans are also homophobic just like some of the players they idolize.

Farther more, just like I wrote in my last post and it’s the impression I get from Thomas, the thing is that no one wants to be the one to carry the torch or the “Burden” of representing the gay community -- to be looked at first of all as gay and not as a rugby/basketball/football player. Of course, all of us wished things would be different and the matter won’t be in issue, but for now it is still is and a major one.

Some of Thomas’ things hit a soft spot for me also, Thinking about what other people/players will think, Making up stories about sexual conquests to fit in, but feeling alone cause you aren’t who you truly are, but just “playing a game” and not only on the field or court.

Also talking about the difference between knowing you’re gay and accepting it, I have to guess that this is a stage that most gay guys go through, either in sports or not, but I’m sure the environment of sports doesn’t help the acceptance part, but only makes it more difficult.

I must say that it was hard for me to read him talking about going out to a cliff overlooking the beach and ending it all. I must admit that I didn’t get to that situation or that kind of feeling through my career, but it’s really hard to grasp how been gay with the addition of been a sports figure/athlete makes life so difficult so many times and brings people to bad and dark places.

I admire Thomas’ will to try to use this to help any young teenagers that do have a passion both for sports and for the same sex partners. To try to make them see that it’s possible to be gay and be a successful player, and indeed he was successful.

From my point of view, I wish I could help more and I wish that more gay athletes would be able to come out. but I know, hear and read about the price and the toll that all of us will need to pay. Unfortunately it’s just too much at this point. All of us want to be successful. All of us want to know that we give the thing we love so much all we had, from the day we picked up the ball to the day we called it quits. The thought of coming out and maybe having it change the career we worked so hard for it’s just too much to handle, at least for me ,and at least at this point.

For closure I hope that Thomas’ wish of sexuality not been an issue in sports in ten years will come true, unfortunately, I doubt it, but I will always hope, and hope is the best tool I can think of to cope with the situation for now. After watching ” Milk” last year and seeing what a long way gay rights and the gay community has come, I just hope that the change will continue everywhere and in all fields of life, and one day will also reach sports…


Guess that’s all for today…..