Hey everyone, hope everyone is enjoying their weekend, as always.
I didn't think about writing today, but watching Glee brought me to write another post tonight.
Have to admit that I watch the show, and I like mostly the musical parts of it, anyone else a regular watcher?
Anyway, I watched Tuesday's episode and I have to admit that I'm a Lady Gaga fan and I liked the whole idea of the last episode. It also hit close to home, the last part when they were singing "Born This Way" was hard for me.
It's a song that has lyrics that really have meaning and really make me think sometimes. The main issue is that I was really born this way; no one asked me if I wanted to be gay and no one gave me a choice.
That's the cards that life dealt me and dealt most of us and we have to manage, I don't care what anyone says, being gay means you have it harder in life, It doesn't mean you can't succeed or be amazing, it just says that in this society you don't get anything easy.
The main thing for me is that I'm more accepting towards other gays than towards myself. When I use my brain and my rationale thinking I know I'm ok and that's just life, but when I get to my heart and deep inside I feel bad.
I know that I don't give any legitimacy to the gay part in me, I mean, I believe that we all have a couple of personalities in us, for me for example it's a basketball player as one personality and being gay as another.
I believe that it don't give enough legitimacy to the gay part, that I have my basketball cap on and I'm also homophobic towards myself and my gay part.
It's hard for me to say it, but sometimes what my teammates say in the locker room is what I think about myself, In a sense I feel much better about other gay men than about myself.
Now I know there is a big improvement in the way I treat my gay part and the way I accept things as compared to the way I used to a couple years back, it's still not enough, but it's getting better.
The hardest thing to accept is that in a sense I can't really control it, I can see it and feel it, but since it's more an emotional thing it's hard to change.
I just need to accept that I'm this way and maybe that way I could improve the way I think and "treat" the gay personality in me, but easier said than done.
After all he also has a hard life, he never does anything, he only gets around one vacation a year, think about yourself, I'm sure you would also feel bad living a lie almost all year every year.
Again, I'm just saying at as I see and feel it, I know I was born this way, now I just need to accept it, but it's a process and it takes time..
And I think the Glee episode and Gaga's song really hit home on that.