Drugs

Hey everyone, hope you are all enjoying the weekend and celebrating memorial day with your family and friends.

I'm still not in the U.S.A, but plan on being there in the near future.

I'm doing well, enjoying the last days of our season, soon and another season of basketball will be over.

As for the title of my post, I'm not really talking about drugs in the recreational way, those I must admit I don't do, even though a lot of the Americans I played and play with do have a tendency to smoke some pot or grass or whatever.

Today there is more drug testing also, so it's problematic sometimes, but for me, it's not really a issue, since I don't really feel I have the need to take or try doing that.

However, for my the issue was different, around two years ago, I started getting really nervous before games and not feeling too well. I wasn't sure what the reason was, but a little thinking and consulting with about the one person who knew around that time that I was gay, it became obvious.

I was really worried about the whole gay issue, not if someone will find out, but I think it was around the time that I started to devote more hours to thinking about what it's like to be gay and what are the affects on my career.

Thinking about success and if I will succeed and become well known then maybe more people would be interested in my life. That the media will find out that i'm gay and I guess I was really worried about all that. Was worried what will happen to my career and basically it stopped being a game and it became something much more series.

I couldn't deal with the pressure up to the game, from warm ups to everything around, so I decided after talking with a friend and someone licensed.

Of course I didn't tell that licensed person that i'm gay, but just that i'm really nervous. I decided to take pills that will ease the tension and calm me down before the game.

I did that for around a year until I decided that I need to deal with things by myself and not with pills, also I think that I started accepting more the gay side of myself and that it's not the worse thing in the world.

I can say that i'm feeling much better and also playing better, I feel more relaxed and more calm during the game and the preparation for it.

I have to say, I was never addicted or anything, I only took one pill before every game and that's it, never two, never not in a situation of a game, so I knew how to control things and myself.

I'm happy I stayed balanced and i'm happier that I don't have a need for it now, also happy that i'm playing good, but I guess that's not something out of the ordinary.

guess that's about it for this time, before I wrap the posts up for this year, I think I have around another post or two before I head to vacation, so see you all next week, where I will try to talk a little about summer negotiations.

I'm finishing up my contract this year, I usually don't go into details of course, but can just say that i'm finishing up my first year on my current team and we will have to see what are my options for the future.

Till then :)

Everyone Coming Out?

Hey everyone, hope you are enjoying your weekend. As for me, all is well, working hard and trying to get some good results towards the end of our season.

As everyone wrote, both on outsports and some of the comments on my last post, most of the discussions lately are about athletes who have been coming out of the closet this year, which seems to be much more than ever.

My opinion? And again, please don't take it the wrong way, I might sound a little homophobic or not appreciative of some of what has happened lately, but just think about it before you react.

As for Will Sheridan? That's great that he is feeling good about himself and decided to come out, BUT again, he hasn't been playing for some years now, he doesn't have a active rule in sports and is just about to come out with an album, so that also might have something to do with it.

I do applaud him and I think it's great that he is coming out and helping others by reaching out, answering emails or just showing them that it's ok to be gay, but still it's much different than an athlete coming out while he is playing and while he has a active rule in sports.

As for the Suns gay president, I think it's great, he is still active in basketball and still has a part in running a N.B.A team. I think he is showing a lot of people about gay influence and that gay people can succeed and do a lot of things, with no relation to what they prefer to do in their personal life.

I of course haven't talked to him, but I'm happy about the reactions he is receiving, and I’m sure it's a big step inside the N.B.A for accepting gay people, BUT still, he doesn't play on the court, or coach, he doesn't have to receive reactions from the fans, who can be very taunting and very difficult.

I said this once, fans overseas tend to be much more aggressive, homophobic and racist than the American crowd and the damage outside the U.S.A for a sports player who comes out will be much bigger and it will be much harder to deal with.

As for broadcasters and people from the media, again, great news and I think it again shows to those who don't want to believe it, that gay people are just as a part of sports or anything else for that matter, and it doesn't matter if you’re gay, straight or bi, as lady gaga sings.

Regarding Charles Barkley? what else can you say, only great things and only positive things, always admired him as a players and I guess he should be rewarded the same admiration for the stand he took on the gay issue. It’s something that has been going on as long as I remember going on outsports and writing my blog, Sr. Charles will always be something special I have to say.

Last thing for this post, I read in one of the articles about Barkley, I think at least he was him that two of the writers wrote: "Cyd and I agree that it would not be anywhere near as hard for a pro athlete to come out as is generally perceived".

On a side note, I have to say that Jim Buzinski was the one who helped me start this blog and helped me with everything around it and I will always appreciate that.

However that saying pissed me off, how do they know if it's going to be difficult or not? Have they been there? Have they experienced it, have they been in locker rooms? Again, I’m not saying I can be 100 % sure what will happen when the time comes, but just because a lot of people encourage the subject doesn't mean that those who don't are also speaking their mind.

I tend to believe that most of those who are homophobic or against gays in sports or however you want to call it; will try to be as quite as they can as long as nothing major happens. After that, I’m sure there will be enough homophobes, just like Tim Hardaway and others

Just like Barkley, I also had gay teammates (at least I’m almost certain) and also played against gay players on different teams and still no one has ever come out. So I guess it must be a little harder than those who sit behind a desk think.

Enjoy your weekend.

Vacation And More

Hey everyone, hope all is well.

As for me, I'm doing good, and to answer Robert's question in my last post, the reason that we still have around a month left in the season is because of the post season. Our league starts around the same time as the N.B.A give or take a couple of days, and usually also ends around the same time.

Since my last post, not just the Lakers got knocked out, but also the Celtics, which was a disappointing for me, since I like their team and coach and dislike the Heat, but I guess it's not up to me. Nothing left but just to wait and see what happens from here.

On other matters, I started writing about my vacation plans last time around. So now I already have my destination and the time till the vacation is getting shorter.

I'm really excited, just as I am every year, just to let everything go, not have to think too much about what to do, no practice, no games, no press, no resting, no eating right, just doing whatever I feel like.

The thing that is bothering me, and that's after what happened couple years ago is what while happen if? If again, I fall for someone like the guy I wrote about a couple of months ago.

So far everyone I ever had feelings for turned out to be a teaser, someone that in the end only made me feel worst than I did before we met, so why should the next guy be any different?

I don't have control over who I fall for and I'm worried about history, the last time out I really got hurt and it really sucked, but on the other side I don't know what I can do to prevent it.

I can say I'm just looking to enjoy myself, but I already have learned that I don't really control my feelings, it's not a computer that I can just turn on and off.

I guess I will just try to have as much fun as possible, if I get myself into another situation with a guy I meet I will have to start thinking what to do. Even though last time it happened I couldn't do any logical thinking.

Everything was based on my emotions and heart and that resulted in a real bad couple of days during the vacation and a couple of bad weeks after it.

However, since I don't have any bright ideas I will just wait and find out what this summer has in store for me.

On a completely different note, I saw Sean Avery video regarding him supporting gay marriage, I think it's great and all the credit to him for doing this.

The thing I can't understand is those agents and players who tweet or facebook or write something negative towards this campaign or anything on the gay subject.

I don't mean that in a sense that they aren't allowed to voice their opinion, but the thing is that today it's very important for everyone who is dealing with the media to seem liberal and to be open minded, It's a kind of trend.

I'm not saying that everyone really believes in it, but it's the fashion now, it's fashionable to support gay subjects and it makes for good press. That's way without being too harsh, it's just really stupid of those people who are voicing their negative thoughts out in the open, they either get real bad press, lose clients or get fired.

Basically I mean, even if you aren't for it, just keep your mouth closed, and if you don't, well I guess you are going to pay for it.

I don't really mind if the press and everyone else is being a hypocrite in a sense and just taking "our" side on the issues and trying to show how much progress is being made.

Even if they don't really meant it, the publicity is good for us and for the gay rights and it sends out a message on what's acceptable and what's not.

D-LIST + Lakers Addition

Hey everyone, hope everyone is doing well.

For those watching the playoffs, wow, what can you say about the Lakers ah? did anyone expect that? specially yesterday, getting blown out like that.

For those who aren't, I'm sure you got better things to do than watch basketball.

I'm guessing that most of you know or heard of a website called d-list, well anyway, I also heard of it and I logged on, not to date of course, but to try and get more people to read my blog and maybe find more nice people to talk to and to get to know just like I did through this blog.

I called myself Anon_Bball and of course I would be happy to hear from any of you that have a profile on this site and wish to say hey or chat a little or of course help people hear about my blog.

I wish I could use this site to meet some nice guys, cause there are sure some good looking guys on there, but since I can't put up a picture and really let them know who I am, I don't see too much sense in doing that.

Besides that there is around a month and a half left before my vacation and i'm getting excited, have it down to two locations I need to choose from, but non the less, just getting excited thinking about it.

As you can guess I can go to most countries without anyone knowing me, but I need to find somewhere that has a good gay life and something to do besides that.

Every year I hope something special happens on my vacation, even though for most of the last years it brought me a lot of fun, but also some heart break and some bad times after that, but boys will always be boys I guess.

On a different note, I try to read and keep up with gay rights and gay sites that have interesting stories as much as I can, I read a lot about college players that come out, usually not in the major sports, but still it makes for a nice read and i'm happy they feel better.

I don't want to say it again, because I said it 500 times, but I will make it 501 none the less. It's great and i'm all for it, but things won't change until pro athletes that are well known and compete at top level, whether in the N.B.A/N.F.L and other major sports come out and go publicly with their sexuality.

I don't see that happening in the near future, and again, I don't expect anyone to come out, just too much at stake. All of us also tend to forget that most gay men in life find other solutions and go on and get married to a woman, have kids and just live without being what they wished they would.

None of us can judge them or put ourselves in their shoes, so I guess all of us just need to accept it and continue to wait.

Enjoy the rest of the week and before I forget, whether you are a Lakers lover or hater, Phil Jackson deserves a word for all he is done for coaching and for basketball, it will be interesting to see if he stays retired.

Till we meet again.

p.s - Most of the comments have been about the Lakers, so I just wanted to add a little of what I think on the subject.

I enjoyed watching the Lakers and the team that has come together to be one that will be remembered in the history of the N.B.A, however in this last year I think everyone slowly started to dislike the Lakers a little bit. I was hoping Boston will win last year, but that wasn't the case, however everyone knows that every dynasty will eventually end, and we all know it's the Lakers time.

As for Phil Jackson, I have a feeling that if in interesting challenge will come his way then he might come back in a couple of years. As for leaving the starts on the floor the whole fourth quarter. It might be a message of sort, Saying you are the one's who brought us until here, in the good times and in the bad times, so you need to be the ones who play it out.

None of this is can explain the way some of the Lakers behaved in the second half, and as a player and a person, it's easy to show character when you win, but it's much harder to do so when you lose, and some of the Lakers showed little class if any in that game 4.

I think that the Lakers understood after game 3 that this series is over and I think they fell apart mentally, and just didn't or couldn't give anymore in game 4, if you saw game 3, you could also see that Phil was much more emotional than usually, maybe he also had enough. One of his quotes after the game, might take us to that direction, when he said that he's glad this season is over.

What will the future hold for them? And how much gossip are we going to here in the near future, well, will just wait and see I guess