Monday, October 25, 2010

Just Basketball

So, to change things up a little bit I will make this post a basketball post. Some people wanted to know more, so I will talk about what happens on a team on the day to day level and some basketball related subjects, because all of us are also sports fans in the end of the day, or at least most of us are.

I don't think I mentioned this before or maybe just in small details, but my team and most teams overseas practice around nine times a week, which includes the games, but we also have video meetings, where we scout the other team, or see parts of our games and things of the sorts.

We also have team practices in the weight room, where we work along with the trainers according to the program that they decide is the best for every player.

Most admit that on the video side, sometimes it gets really boring and really long, but it's something you have to do and something you have to watch, even if you don't feel like it.

Once the season gets underway, which it already has, the practices change somewhat, in the beginning and in training camp building towards the beginning of the year, the coaches and trainers take more time out of practice to focus on condition and to build the players individual shape.

As season goes on we usually work more on things that have to do with the team, if it's the fast break game, half court D and O, full court press and so on. Not like the N.B.A most teams overseas play more zone defense, and match up zones,and things of that nature comparing to the N.B.A which is mostly man to man defense.

Also over here the game also has parts which are mostly individual skill and a one on one game, but usually there is more of a team concept and the offensive game looks different.

The things we play on offense have more ball movement and more movement without the ball, screens, pick and rolls and so on. While the N.B.A plays more one on one offense and you see less team work, at least in my opinion.

I already mentioned earlier in my posts, that the crowd overseas is different, the fans are more fanatic and more in to the game, while in the U.S.A usually the fans are more in the business of clapping their hands and enjoying the hot dog that they just bought, JK.

And last but not least, I'm not sure who read about it, but A.I- Allen Iverson is about to sign with a team overseas, if he does so it will be really interesting to see what impact he will have on the game and on his team, it will sure be interesting.

Guess that's about it for this time, hope everyone is ready for the beginning of the N.B.A tomorrow, hope it will be a interesting season.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Top, Bottom And All The Rest

Hey again, well, I’m not exactly going to talk about what I prefer in bed, but I do want to write about some thoughts or some interesting things I feel I learned about other guys, some from talking to, some from meeting up with and some just from reading their thoughts and stories.

A lot of guys say about themselves that they are either a “bottom” or “top”. I’m sure that everyone knows what he feels and what he desires, but I think it’s a little more complicated. I think that if you talk to a guy in a more intimate conversation a lot that say about them that they are only a “top” will tell you that they might be willing to switch if they found someone that they really like. Someone that they feel it’s something important and not just a one night stand.

As for guys that are bottom, I guess you can’t put it in categories, everyone is different, a lot can just allow themselves to be what they want and do what they feel is right. Sometimes I guess a person that says about himself that he is a “top” is someone that is scared of anything else.

I think that in this point, at least in my opinion the homophobia kicks in, I think that there are a lot of guys that see being “penetrated” or being a “bottom” as something that makes you less of a man, some guys see it as maybe something border line “violent”, or humiliating. I guess if someone thinks that, then he might be looking at sex as something that isn’t beautiful or special.

Again, I think that it can make guys feel or think that they are less of a man and have less qualities or self esteem if they act as “bottoms”. Even though you can also say that sometimes “bottoms” have a need feel not as equals or to put it in a more harsh way to feel humiliated or they get off when they are treated ”badly”.

You can also look at it in another angle, or at least I do, sometimes there are guys that are afraid to be a “top”, again I think it can be related to being scared, some guys can look at sex as violent and hurting. Some guys can think that going into another guy might hurt him, might be painful for him, or they might be scared that they won’t be able to get it up or something of the sort.

I have to clarify what I said, I’m not judging anyone or saying that being a “top” or “bottom” is better or worse, and of course every guy is entitled to do whatever he enjoys and pleases him, as long as his partner thinks the same.

I think that a guy that can say about himself that he is versatile might be a little more developed or a little less homophobic for that matter, being able to choose your preference according to the guy you meet and what you feel like and being able to admit to it can usually say something about acceptance.

I know for a fact that straight guys also have a lot of similar issues, I can testify that a lot of basketball players, (cause those are mostly the straight guys I hear this things from) usually have a need to degrade women, use language that doesn’t suggest that they feel good about sex in general, but make it sound like more of a conquest. Hearing that makes me feel that they also have their own issues about sex. Mainly fear.

I feel like someone that needs to degrade women and make them not his equal also has his problems with sex and with seeing it is something beautiful and not as something that makes him feel more of a man and her less of a person.

I have to admit that when I just started meeting guys I was blocked completely also, I just went through the motions but I didn’t feel anything, I tried, but I guess I just wasn’t feeling to good about myself and I wasn’t able to enjoy because I was afraid and I guess also homophobic.

To wrap things up, I just wrote what I feel and what I think, there might be a hundred people that have a hundred different opinions and of course all of them are just as worthy as mine, I’m not trying to make facts, but just put my feelings on paper.
Enjoy the weekend my friends.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Highs And Lows

Hey again, hope everyone is enjoying the weekend and all the sports events around it, baseball, NHL, NFL, NBA preseason, sounds like good times are heading your way.

After confessing about my secret love life with girls last time :), I wanted to talk a little more about the mood swings and the big changes in a career of a basketball player.

There is a famous sports saying that says : "You are only as good as your last game". Sometimes it's to harsh, but a lot of time it's the way a player or more correctly, I feel.

You can have a great game one day and you feel good about it, you feel good with what you accomplished and what you achieved and you feel on top of the world. The next game you can have a trouble game and suddenly it takes you to other places, suddenly I at least, feel that I'm not in shape or I'm not good enough or that I'm not doing or achieving what I expect from myself.

I talked about it before, I think it has a lot to do with been gay, at least for me. I'm not saying that It doesn't happen to other people, I'm sure it does, and I'm sure that there is a sensitive spot or issue with each one of those players, but for me it's this issue.

The gay Issue, feeling a lot of times that I'm not equal to others, maybe because I " got screwed over" cause I'm gay, or if it's any other feeling of not being as good as others.

I think that's why it's easy for me to take bad games to a more extreme emotional feeling than good games, because the bad games just give me the "excuse" I need to "prove" to myself that I'm not as good as others.

Of course as time moves on, this is becoming less and less of an issue and I'm learning to deal with it much better, my sexuality and basketball together. In a way I think that having the ability to accept bad games can help bring more good games my way.

Accepting that I can make mistakes like everyone else, whether I'm gay, straight or something else and not being to harsh on myself will allow me to feel better and I believe that a better feeling outside the court brings better results on the court.

On another note, I have to say that almost a year ago when I started my blog I wasn't sure how and if it would effect my game. I was worried in the beginning that putting myself out there, not in a way that people will know me, but telling my story, even if it's an anonymous one would damage my game or at least make me paranoid.

I'm happy to say that this isn't the case, I think that the fact that I was able to start my blog was because I felt better about myself what also is helping me on the court. To date, things are just continuing to be great and I feel in great shape, I'm enjoying myself and I really feel that I'm getting to the places I desire and wish to get to.

Before I wrap this post up, I got a small question for those who follow me, first of all thanks of course, it's always a great feeling. Secondly is there any subject or issue that someone wants to ask about or wants me to write about? most of the questions that people have for me I get to my email box, so feel free to ask away.

Secondly, I don't talk about games or things that happen or take place during the game, I'm not sure that it something that you want to read about, if I'm wrong just let me know and I will be happy to share more stories of basketabll, which doesn't always involve sexuality.


Friday, October 1, 2010

Dating A Girl

Hey, hope everyone is enjoying the weekend and getting some rest.

I was thinking about what to write this time and I remembered my early days and thought it would be a good idea to tell you and remind myself of those earlier days.

At high school I was just a regular kid, I was popular because of basketball, but nothing too special. Even though I had basketball I was never the type that went out on dates and too many events that had to do with girls and things of the sort.

I think that I wasn’t sure about my sexuality even then. I mean I knew I was different, I knew I didn’t like girls like everyone else, but I really didn’t know what it meant , and in general I think I was a late bloomer.

Then towards the end of my high school days a friend of mine played matchmaker and set up a date for me, with a girl none the less . We went out to a restaurant, it was nice, after that we went back to her house. Since the parents were home we sat and talked outside, we kissed and fooled around, but I didn’t feel anything special.

I was also shy and didn’t feel comfortable, I felt like I was doing what I was supposed to, but not what I wanted to. Needless to say that that was the last date I ever had with a woman. I did have that one time that I had sex with a girl, I know, it’s not supposed to happen, but I’m only human, but on a more serious note, It just happened, it was the first and last time, wasn’t fun at all, but I think I wanted to make sure that it wasn’t really what I wanted.

The next time that anything happened was the first time I had sex with a guy, I’m sure I wrote about it in the posts in the beginning of the blog. It felt different, I can’t say it felt right, because it took me some time to come to terms with everything and really feel comfortable enough to enjoy it.

Between the date and the first time I had sex with a guy there wasn’t too much I could do. I was playing basketball and couldn’t exactly go on dates or be seeing out, so I had the internet to help me come to terms with my sexuality. I think I couldn’t deny it anymore, and I guess like a lot of people, the way for me to enjoy myself and to let my mind run wild was the internet, where I was anonymous and a different person.

Since then I have moved on and so is life, I become able to go on vacations and enjoy life and the way I wanted to live life a little more, and I’m sure that that’s the path that will lead me in the upcoming years. That’s more or less the story of my high school days, at least with regards to girls :).

Regarding songs, I stopped posting them on here, but I heard a new one not too long ago, and it was really nice so I wanted to share, it’s Robbie Williams and Gary Barlow and the song is called shame and talks about a gay couple:

Well there are three versions of this story, mine, and yours and then the truth.
And we can put it down to circumstance our childhood then our youth.
Out of sentimental gain I wanted you to feel my pain,
But it came back return to sender.

I read your mind and tried to call,
My tears could fill the Albert hall.
Is this the sound of sweet surrender?

What a shame we never listened.
I told you through the television.
And all that went away was the price we paid.
People spend a life time this way.
Oh what a shame.

So I got busy throwing everybody underneath the bus.
Oh, and with your poster 30 foot high at the back of Toy-R-Us.
I wrote a letter in my mind but the words were so unkind about a man I can't remember.

I don't recall the reasons why.
I must have meant them at the time.
Is this the sound of sweet surrender?
What a shame we never listened.

I told you through the television.
And all that went away was the price we paid.
People spend a life time this way and that's how they stay.

Words come easy when they're true.
Words come easy when they're true.

So I got busy throwing everybody underneath the bus.
Oh, and with your poster 30 foot high at the back of Toy-R-Us.
Now we can put it down to circumstance our childhood then our youth.

What a shame we never listened
I told you through the television
And all that went away was the price we paid
People spend a lifetime this way
And that’s how they stay
Oh what a shame.
People spend a lifetime this way
Oh what a shame
Such a shame, what a shame