it’s been a long time since my last post, around a day :), but since I’m just starting I will try to write more in the beginning.
Came back from a game not long ago, we played at home and played well, adding another W next to our name in the standings. Happily enough I had a good game which left me in a good mood as the game came to an end.Nothing like coming home after a win, the adrenaline is through the roof and I feel like I can play all over again, after a loss, that’s a different story, the adrenaline is there, but the mind hurts.
Like everyone else, I have known my share of wins and losses, and I like everyone else I take it to heart.I must admit that with time I found out that I don’t always feel better after wins, sometimes after a great game the first thing I want to do and I guess other players also is to be with someone I can share it with, someone I can tell everything about the game to, a special someone that we can go home together. For now i just end up by myself at home with those thoughts and wishes.
As you can guess from the things I wrote, I don’t have a boyfriend, partner or whatever you would like to name it. I’m very discreet ,I do like to go out, but I go with my teammates that are straight and we go to bars and pubs which of course aren’t gay friendly or have a gay crowd.Been out with other players is not exactly a time to start looking to meet guys. Basically I put my love life on the side during the bball season, which is not always fun or easy, but I love basketball so much that I can’t think of living without it.
I’m not keen on online dating or cruising either, Since I never know who is on the other side of the computer, I’m always scared that someone might recognize me, sometimes it can happen,even though the odds are small, but most of the time it’s the paranoia speaking, but I mixed those two together a long time ago.
Of course none of my teammates know that I’m gay, in basketball there is a big transition of players, teams and so on, so if I go to a new place I get a fresh start and no one wonders about my personal life, if I do stay in the same place then usually most of the players that come in are new which basically helps me out. If the question does come up I make up a story about just breaking up from my girl, or things of the sort.
Regarding my teammates, well I don’t know how they would accept it if they knew, I can tell you that they are a great bunch of guys but in a macho sport like this a lot of them are homophobic. I must say the talk in the locker room, the frequent use of “faggot” and similar words which don't exactly show my teammates soft side doesn’t hurt or insult me.it’s just something that has become a natural thing, sometimes it makes me think if they really are homophobic or just trying to blend in, either way i can't really change it.
Finally, I’m sure that everyone most say to himself where are all the gay jocks, if research shows that for every ten or fifteen guys in the world one is gay then where did all of them disappear to in sports?.
My logic is that no one wants to carry the torch or wants to be the one that has to deal with all the noise, questions and problems that will come from making that huge step, you can see that a lot of the jocks that come out in team sports do it after they retire or close to it, but not in the peak of their career, this subject can be talked about a lot and I will also try to talk more about how I see it.
Well until the next time,
P.S : My email is Anyonmous3090@hushmail.com, feel free...