Shirtless On Facebook

First of all I would like to wish everyone a belated happy thanksgiving, better late than never I guess.

I for one enjoyed watching a couple of N.F.L games and just enjoy a quite night. I'm also looking forward to next Thursday, when Lebron comes back to Cleveland. I know I'm going to stay up for that one.

I had a day off last week and had the chance to spend some time on facebook, and it got me thinking. It brought to my head thoughts about the "typical" out gay man.

I can't define the type to small details, but i took a look at a lot of profiles of gay guys.

Not because it was research, but because, I'm gay, I'm a guy and there are a lot of hot guys on facebook, none of them will get a friends request for me, but nobody said I can't at least take a look and enjoy.

While I was enjoying myself, I started thinking a little bit about the "typical" out gay. I think that there is much more pictures of shirtless guys, or guys wearing almost nothing that are gay.

They label themselves as interested in men than straight guys that are shirtless. Again, it's not that I'm judging, i think that there is just something when you are gay and out, again, it's not everyone, and i don't want to categorize, but it's just easy to see for the most part, at least on facebook.

I think that there are a lot of gay guys that are out and feel that being gay is already different and radical in a way, compared to the bigger percentage of the population that they feel it's easier to be more daring or more straight forward than most people.

In general a lot of guys that are out feel that they already pushed the boundaries so they just go with it. In my opinion a lot of the things are cool and acceptable, it's not like anyone has to check gay guys profiles if they don't want.

Basically my thing is that it's just different a lot of times, what gay guys and also girls allow themselves, there are just more out there and power to them. (we are here and we are queer :),

The only problem I have is when being out turns into a problem towards those who aren't. I can respect and understand guys who don't want to date or go out with guys in the closet, and unfortunately it has also happened to me once, but that's fine and that's a legitimate decision just like any other relationship decision,

However when being out means you have to out anyone you know that is gay just because you are out, that's when the problem starts, at least for me. There are those who feel that gays have to be out and have to show the strength of the community and that they aren't ashamed of being gay.

Those same people, at least in my book are fanatics, that don't care about anyone but themselves and can't accept that people have their reasons for staying in the closet and that it's their damn right to do so. They see the world as black and white with no gray in the middle, its either you are gay and then everyone needs to know or your straight.

Especially I hate how there are always talks about famous people. whether in sports, music or television who might be gay and how gay groups or the kind of people, that I just mention have a desire to bring those people out to make the gay community good luck, again, with no care about their reasons and their life,

I can sum it up with one sentence, all you got guys that are shirtless on facebook, I just got one thing to say, THANK YOU....

Porn And Bareback

Hey Again.

I was happy to read the comments and get a couple of emails about my last post. I didn't know what other people think about that subject and I was happy to hear and see that are other people that have the same thoughts as I do on the subject.

Another thing that came to my mind during this post and reading the comments was the subject of bareback sex. I know that there are a lot of guys that feel the sex is better without a condom and even though it's highly dangerous they still do it.

I can't go and criticize the way they choose to live their life, but the fact that so many porn sites show bareback or use it to get people to log on, ( or get off ) seems so problematic to me.

It's problematic in two departments, at least in my opinion. The first is that they send the wrong message to gays watching porn, when a lot of times like I mentioned last week there are young teenagers out there watching.

I really think that young guys out there who don't have a role model or someone to learn what’s right and what's wrong, because they aren't out, can really get the wrong message from all this, and maybe see an actor as a role model or gay porn, or in this matter bareback gay porn as something that's legit or welcomed.

And secondly the fact that the "actors" do it and risk their own health is something I find disturbing. I know that a lot of times it's another way to make a living and probably they get paid more for having sex without a condom.

I also know that the results can be horrible, and affect people's life in a way they can't imagine or don't think about at that moment. I know that all of us have those thoughts that we are invisible and to us it won't happen, but in the end it always happens to someone.

I know that also that there is the same matter of straight porn sites that have a man and woman having sex with no condom, and I think it's just as bad.

However, In the end of the day, HIV, is a social stigma related with the gay community, even though it's not necessarily true, it doesn't really matter. I know that porn sites and porn companies only care about making money, just like any other business, but I feel that the results can be catastrophic.

While I don't expect gay porn or gay porn actors to set a example for what's right and wrong, I just think that it's sad in a way, the results it can have on them and on the community watching is something that really gets to me.

I don't know if I sound old fashioned, but It's a strong opinion that I carry. Gay porn is cool, it's nice, it turns you on, and each one in his own way, but the results that can come with it is sometimes too much, at least in my book, at least concerning bareback sex. The gay "community" a lot of times is "put out there" sometimes by their own will and sometimes by others as different from other "communities".

I just think we have a bigger responsibility to promote safe sex and the right sexual behavior, especially with the stigma already attached by a lot of people to "gay people".

While I don't expect gay porn sites to do it, I expect it to come from others, who exactly? It's hard to say, it might be naive to say from leading gay actors who need to do more to call out the bareback issue.

It might be naïve to say from leading gay figures out there who have influence especially on youth, or maybe when I think about it a little more, it’s just me being naïve.

Gay Porn

I think the title speaks for itself, I will add that my thoughts are mostly concerning gay porn.This my come to you as a shock, but
I usually don't watch straight porn. I know it's harsh to hear, but sometimes I have to be honest about things, LOL.

Since I don't meet guys right and left and during the year I'm usually alone, I, like most of the people I know watch porn from time to time.
Without going into details about my favorite websites and actors, JK.

I have some thoughts about the porn itself, I know that there are all kind of gay and straight porn, that fits to the likings of each person and each one's own thoughts.

However, at least in my opinion, that porn sometimes leads man or teenagers to get the wrong idea about sex. In most porn videos that involve anal sex, I can't call it love making, it comes off more as a violent act.

A lot of times the guy who is on top just looks like he is trying to "hurt" his partner. I know it's different with each person, but I don't think those videos show anything about the real "potential" of sex. Not the real enjoyment that two people can have while translating the feelings and the desire they have for one another into actions.

To be honest, even if I watch porn, I never watch the anal part, not because I like it or not, but because it just gives me a feeling of something violent and not something joyful, as I said before.

Unfortunately, in my opinion at least, it's a bigger problem in the gay community, because in our community most kids and teenagers grow up alone, feeling different. In the younger stages and usually don't share their feelings and preferences with other people.

A thing that leads to them settling for watching porn online, without having anyone to talk to, without having the "authorization" to talk about sex and to learn about sex, like the same kids in their age who happen to be straight.

I think that's what a lot of times gives gay man the wrong idea and the wrong thoughts about gay sex, the only way they see it happen is through those same videos that most of the time just educates them wrong and gives them the wrong notion about sex.

I mentioned a couple of times in my blog that I'm also homophobic and it's something that I'm dealing with and feeling better about all the time, but I think that's also a problem I had.

I grew up alone without no one knowing and the idea of sex was what I saw online. It's probably also the reason that I had problems seeing sex as it should be seen, because all I saw was basically one guy hurting the guy he is having sex with, by just using him as an object.

I didn't see any warmth or any smiles from both of the guys, at least most of the time, but just pictures of pain. Again, I know nothing is as simple, but growing up I didn't have the same possibilities and the same options of reading, hearing, and going out and maybe getting a better idea of what sex is all about.

I believe that there are a lot more just like me out there, who grew up in the same situation and got the same wrong idea about sex. Today, that's the reason I don't watch any anal sex online, I know it doesn't reflect on the way I would want things to be and the way I would like to think about sex.

When we gay men think of sex the way it's shown a lot of times it's easy to reflect about it as something humiliating and not something special, and from there it's very easy to develop our homophobic side, because most of us, or at least me, can't have any positives thoughts about sex with the videos that there are out there.

I always mention that on this topics I know everyone has his own opinion and ideas, and some may think about it differently, and of course each one's opinion is legitimate, this just happens to be mine.

Enjoy the rest of the week...

Obama and DADT

Hey, hope everyone is enjoying the beginning of a new week.

First of all, I was asked what do I think about I.A and if he still has it.I'm pretty sure it's going to be very interesting, I think he will control his team and probably be very dominate.

With the style of play overseas he is bond to attract a lot of attention, including a lot of double ups and things of that nature, so
I guess it's up to him and the way he decides to play, but it's going to be interesting, and that I can grantee.

leaving basketball for a second. I was reading a couple of articles about Barak Obama and him being in office for two years.

I haven't gotten the chance to write about it too much, and I'm sure everyone has a different opinion and what they think he has done
right and what he has failed to do.

For me the first main thing is that the things expected of him were just too many, people thought that he is going to change the world
and the U.S in five minutes and basically be a magician.

We all know that this is more wishful thinking than reality, but I do support a lot of things that he has done.

I think his reform in health care is something major, the fact that families with financial problems and no money for medical insurance
can now be able to afford more things and be able to take care of their family in a better way says enough by itself.

I know that there are a lot out there that make a good living and have a lot of money and they feel like it's not their problem.

And they are angry that they have to pay more tax in order to finance the health care reform, but it's not a big sum and I see no
wrong in people that are making more than 200,000 having to pay a little more in order to help the less fortunate.

I can't say that I know exactly every little detail about the reform, but I can just say that I'm happy it's happening.

If we take the gay subject, I feel like things are also moving in the right direction, at least the things I heard about. If we take DADT
and the change that is happening around it, from the possibility of trying to find a better solution until the decision that allows openly
gay men to join the army.

I know that the pentagon is still against the decision that was just made by the courts and that people say that gay men should still be
careful before declaring their sexuality, because if the decision might be reversed they will have a problem since they are out in the
open.

But the fact that the DADT was up for discussion and the concept of changing the policy is already a move in the right step in my book. I
met a gay guy two years back that his dream was to be in the army and even though it's not a done deal yet.

The first thing that came to mind when I read about the court's decision was that same guy that just wanted to be in the army and might have the option to do it.

I just read about a survey that was taking in the army, where most soldiers said they wouldn't object to surviving with gay men.

I believe that besides the fact that it's always good to hear things of that nature, the bottom line is that people who want to fight for
their country need to be able to do so without anyone caring about
their sexual preferences.

I must admit that I don't know all the information and I might be missing out on some of the things around the subjects I mentioned,
but I'm just writing down the general feeling that I have.

I for one was happy when Obama was elected and I still believe that he can do good for this nation. It wasn't easy starting off with the
financial crisis, but I'm still optimistic that things will change for the good, but only time will tell.

P.S - I still hope the Heat lose as often as possible, something
bothers me about a team with so many starts, LOL

Just Basketball

So, to change things up a little bit I will make this post a basketball post. Some people wanted to know more, so I will talk about what happens on a team on the day to day level and some basketball related subjects, because all of us are also sports fans in the end of the day, or at least most of us are.

I don't think I mentioned this before or maybe just in small details, but my team and most teams overseas practice around nine times a week, which includes the games, but we also have video meetings, where we scout the other team, or see parts of our games and things of the sorts.

We also have team practices in the weight room, where we work along with the trainers according to the program that they decide is the best for every player.

Most admit that on the video side, sometimes it gets really boring and really long, but it's something you have to do and something you have to watch, even if you don't feel like it.

Once the season gets underway, which it already has, the practices change somewhat, in the beginning and in training camp building towards the beginning of the year, the coaches and trainers take more time out of practice to focus on condition and to build the players individual shape.

As season goes on we usually work more on things that have to do with the team, if it's the fast break game, half court D and O, full court press and so on. Not like the N.B.A most teams overseas play more zone defense, and match up zones,and things of that nature comparing to the N.B.A which is mostly man to man defense.

Also over here the game also has parts which are mostly individual skill and a one on one game, but usually there is more of a team concept and the offensive game looks different.

The things we play on offense have more ball movement and more movement without the ball, screens, pick and rolls and so on. While the N.B.A plays more one on one offense and you see less team work, at least in my opinion.

I already mentioned earlier in my posts, that the crowd overseas is different, the fans are more fanatic and more in to the game, while in the U.S.A usually the fans are more in the business of clapping their hands and enjoying the hot dog that they just bought, JK.

And last but not least, I'm not sure who read about it, but A.I- Allen Iverson is about to sign with a team overseas, if he does so it will be really interesting to see what impact he will have on the game and on his team, it will sure be interesting.

Guess that's about it for this time, hope everyone is ready for the beginning of the N.B.A tomorrow, hope it will be a interesting season.

Top, Bottom And All The Rest

Hey again, well, I’m not exactly going to talk about what I prefer in bed, but I do want to write about some thoughts or some interesting things I feel I learned about other guys, some from talking to, some from meeting up with and some just from reading their thoughts and stories.

A lot of guys say about themselves that they are either a “bottom” or “top”. I’m sure that everyone knows what he feels and what he desires, but I think it’s a little more complicated. I think that if you talk to a guy in a more intimate conversation a lot that say about them that they are only a “top” will tell you that they might be willing to switch if they found someone that they really like. Someone that they feel it’s something important and not just a one night stand.

As for guys that are bottom, I guess you can’t put it in categories, everyone is different, a lot can just allow themselves to be what they want and do what they feel is right. Sometimes I guess a person that says about himself that he is a “top” is someone that is scared of anything else.

I think that in this point, at least in my opinion the homophobia kicks in, I think that there are a lot of guys that see being “penetrated” or being a “bottom” as something that makes you less of a man, some guys see it as maybe something border line “violent”, or humiliating. I guess if someone thinks that, then he might be looking at sex as something that isn’t beautiful or special.

Again, I think that it can make guys feel or think that they are less of a man and have less qualities or self esteem if they act as “bottoms”. Even though you can also say that sometimes “bottoms” have a need feel not as equals or to put it in a more harsh way to feel humiliated or they get off when they are treated ”badly”.

You can also look at it in another angle, or at least I do, sometimes there are guys that are afraid to be a “top”, again I think it can be related to being scared, some guys can look at sex as violent and hurting. Some guys can think that going into another guy might hurt him, might be painful for him, or they might be scared that they won’t be able to get it up or something of the sort.

I have to clarify what I said, I’m not judging anyone or saying that being a “top” or “bottom” is better or worse, and of course every guy is entitled to do whatever he enjoys and pleases him, as long as his partner thinks the same.

I think that a guy that can say about himself that he is versatile might be a little more developed or a little less homophobic for that matter, being able to choose your preference according to the guy you meet and what you feel like and being able to admit to it can usually say something about acceptance.

I know for a fact that straight guys also have a lot of similar issues, I can testify that a lot of basketball players, (cause those are mostly the straight guys I hear this things from) usually have a need to degrade women, use language that doesn’t suggest that they feel good about sex in general, but make it sound like more of a conquest. Hearing that makes me feel that they also have their own issues about sex. Mainly fear.

I feel like someone that needs to degrade women and make them not his equal also has his problems with sex and with seeing it is something beautiful and not as something that makes him feel more of a man and her less of a person.

I have to admit that when I just started meeting guys I was blocked completely also, I just went through the motions but I didn’t feel anything, I tried, but I guess I just wasn’t feeling to good about myself and I wasn’t able to enjoy because I was afraid and I guess also homophobic.

To wrap things up, I just wrote what I feel and what I think, there might be a hundred people that have a hundred different opinions and of course all of them are just as worthy as mine, I’m not trying to make facts, but just put my feelings on paper.
Enjoy the weekend my friends.

Highs And Lows

Hey again, hope everyone is enjoying the weekend and all the sports events around it, baseball, NHL, NFL, NBA preseason, sounds like good times are heading your way.

After confessing about my secret love life with girls last time :), I wanted to talk a little more about the mood swings and the big changes in a career of a basketball player.

There is a famous sports saying that says : "You are only as good as your last game". Sometimes it's to harsh, but a lot of time it's the way a player or more correctly, I feel.

You can have a great game one day and you feel good about it, you feel good with what you accomplished and what you achieved and you feel on top of the world. The next game you can have a trouble game and suddenly it takes you to other places, suddenly I at least, feel that I'm not in shape or I'm not good enough or that I'm not doing or achieving what I expect from myself.

I talked about it before, I think it has a lot to do with been gay, at least for me. I'm not saying that It doesn't happen to other people, I'm sure it does, and I'm sure that there is a sensitive spot or issue with each one of those players, but for me it's this issue.

The gay Issue, feeling a lot of times that I'm not equal to others, maybe because I " got screwed over" cause I'm gay, or if it's any other feeling of not being as good as others.

I think that's why it's easy for me to take bad games to a more extreme emotional feeling than good games, because the bad games just give me the "excuse" I need to "prove" to myself that I'm not as good as others.

Of course as time moves on, this is becoming less and less of an issue and I'm learning to deal with it much better, my sexuality and basketball together. In a way I think that having the ability to accept bad games can help bring more good games my way.

Accepting that I can make mistakes like everyone else, whether I'm gay, straight or something else and not being to harsh on myself will allow me to feel better and I believe that a better feeling outside the court brings better results on the court.

On another note, I have to say that almost a year ago when I started my blog I wasn't sure how and if it would effect my game. I was worried in the beginning that putting myself out there, not in a way that people will know me, but telling my story, even if it's an anonymous one would damage my game or at least make me paranoid.

I'm happy to say that this isn't the case, I think that the fact that I was able to start my blog was because I felt better about myself what also is helping me on the court. To date, things are just continuing to be great and I feel in great shape, I'm enjoying myself and I really feel that I'm getting to the places I desire and wish to get to.

Before I wrap this post up, I got a small question for those who follow me, first of all thanks of course, it's always a great feeling. Secondly is there any subject or issue that someone wants to ask about or wants me to write about? most of the questions that people have for me I get to my email box, so feel free to ask away.

Secondly, I don't talk about games or things that happen or take place during the game, I'm not sure that it something that you want to read about, if I'm wrong just let me know and I will be happy to share more stories of basketabll, which doesn't always involve sexuality.

Enjoy!!