Saturday, April 10, 2010



There is a subject I want to talk about for the next couple of posts, something I haven't touched too much yet, and that's families, marriage and everything on the subject.

I know that a lot of the gay man out there who are closeted or can't fully accept themselves as gay men, or are scared of facing the outcome of it, chose to marry a woman and live a quit life, just going through life and trying to make the best of the situation.

In NO way am I judging those people or do I think that there is a right or wrong answer, its just unfortunate that the situation can be like this and that guys sometimes think that there is no other option, a thought that at the time seems real and more than understandable.

I also heard and read about a lot of people that marry a woman and after ten-twenty years of marriage decide that they can't do it anymore and tell the wife,get a divorce or just move out.

I received a email a couple a weeks ago from a nice guy that is also a sports nut, he told me a couple of days ago that he is married to a woman, and that he is a gay man, he talked about having no hope and thinking that this is how he is going to live his life.

Happily enough he told me that reading blogs like mine and many others made him believe that there is hope and he just told his wife the truth the other day, and that they are getting a divorce. I was happy to hear that he is still in the first years of the marriage and that he has no kids, not for him, but for his wife.

I feel bad for a wife that marries someone she loves and grows a family together with him and eventually finds out that it's all been a lie, and that she was married so many years to someone that is living a lie and essentially her whole life is a lie.

I can only guess that something like this can just crush you, just second guessing everything she want through in life and what was real at of all of it.

I'm sure it's much harder when you also have kids, no doubt a gay man can and does love his kids just the same as anyone else, but I'm sure that the whole situation doesn't help the kids and their childhood.

Of course I was happy for him, I know that it doesn't mean he will be able to just go out and start dating men, I'm sure it's a process that he also needs to find out if he can go through, the only thing I can think of is hoping he makes his last move count, that he will be able to live his life to the fullest and the way he wants to.

There is no simple answer in this matter, I can think about myself for a minute, and if I will be completely honest, I thought that this is the way I'm also going to live my life when I was younger. I thought I will get married to a woman, have kids and just go through life trying to be happy.

In the last years, since I started accepting myself I no longer think like that, for me it would be first of all living a lie and lying not only to myself, but to a woman that loves me and thinks we are going to grow old and have a family together.

I know it comes out like I'm condoning the one's who chose to do so, and that's really far from the truth. Like I said before, I can speak only about myself and my opinion. I cant and don't want to judge others I'm sure that no one walks with a light head to a situation like that.

I'm also sure that they might feel that they will grow into the marriage, or they can't cope or accept being gay and living a gay life, and as someone that isn't living it now, I can more than understand.

There is another situation that exists, I haven't spoken to someone who lives in this situation, but of course it's out there, and that's a gay man and gay woman that decide to live together as a cover story.

That way letting each one live his gay life and maybe have a partner, but at the same time they won't need to worry about being asked about being single, or would have to deal with being gay and out, since they have each other and they are basically each ones cover story.

I think that couples like this, that enter the realtionship knowing about each other and basically enter it to help each other is something much less complicated, because both sides know the intentions of each other and once they don't have sexual desires and thoughts about each other, usually people won't get hurt.

I don't know if personally it's something that I want, it might make my life easier as a gay basketball player, but it's something I don't feel right about, at least at the moment, no women means no women,LOL...

Of course both situations are really different and I know that in reality it's much easier just to go down the road of finding a straight woman to live and have a family with, I can't really guess how much of those relationships hold the distance and how many don't.

Also I can't fully understand each ones thoughts, cause it's exactly that, his thoughts.

I know that there is no black or white and that a lot of time people don't see any other way to go, it's more than acceptable, it's reality and to sum it up with one word, it's LIFE...

Finishing up with some nice lyrics I stumbled across :

Walk with me -- Through all my days
Sleep with me -- And know you're safe
Dream with me -- The whole night long
Wake with me -- To greet each dawn
Work with me -- Throughout the year
Build with me -- We'll build a home
Play with me -- You bring me joy
Rest with me -- And hold me close

Live with me -- Through pain and toil
Laugh with me -- Unleash my soul
Cry with me -- Our tears be one
Hold onto me -- Your pain is mine
Talk with me -- Keeping life anew
Lay with me -- I'm by your side
Dance with me --Our steps in time
Sing with me -- Our songs unsung


  1. Ya Marriage is tricky one. I'm Bi and attracted to men more but not out. I've always told myself though if I meet right woman I would consider marrying her. I would have to tell her that I'm Bi though. It's so hard lieing about your life. Great post man!

  2. Many gay men who marry women are in deep denial of their sexuality because being gay is not accepted in our society. That's one way that straight people don't realize that homophobia can hurt them too. If their sister, daughter, neice, granddaughter, etc marries a gay man it causes damage to the whole family. And it happens the other way too - lesbians marry men. I also think that there are people like BiSportzDude who don't fit into the neat catagories of gay or straight. Until homophobia is gone or much decreased a lot of people are going to continue to be hurt.

  3. this was a great post, and it reminds me of a lot of my friends, in the sense that some of there parents have actually split up because one or both were gay and living a lie.

    btw, what is the name of that song?