Friday, April 16, 2010

Kids And Their Parents


Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend and getting ready for the playoffs that are starting tomorrow, definitely a good time to be a basketball fan. I just put up a short post about the playoffs and my bracket for anyone interested in checking it out and voicing their opinion.

Anyway, after I talked about marriage on my last post I wanted to add the matter of kids to the equation, of course in the matter of gay parenting.

I know that there are a lot of possibilities to have kids nowadays, for a gay couple there is the possibility of a Surrogate mother, there is the possibility of adopting a child ,or of a gay man and gay woman that decide to have joint custody of a child. I know that there are more options and different one's, I just wrote a few I'm familiar with.

I wonder about myself and how I would deal with this subject. I still have time before I will reach the stage of having children, but I'm sure that I will want them.

I have spoken to a couple of gay guys during my vacations and I always got the impression that some didn't think too much about having children. I wonder if it's the young age, or just the though of living a life of no commitments and sometimes no family.

Maybe once you are already out of the routine way of living, which means a husband and wife, you feel free to just do what you want and not have to answer to societies expectations of a modern family.

I know that usually before kids there needs to be a partner and someone to rise a child with, when I think about myself, I can't help thinking that I will have a problem with having a kid that's not mine biologically, since I'm able to do so.

It's not that I'm going to get a woman pregnant (at least I hope not), but I do want the child to be mine, now for example if me and my partner will want a child it wouldn't be fair to him that I will be the father and he won't.

Adopting is a different story and surrogacy is also a different story, I just feel that I want the child to be mine biologically, guess it's something that I feel strongly about, at least for the moment.

I see my parents and see parents of other friends, I think it's a gift to be a parent and it just amazes me every time to think that, two people can create such an amazing creature. Of course when that creature is cute, good looking and gay, his parents need to get two thumbs up :).

Thinking of that and seeing how kids are a lot of times a splitting image and a mirror of their parents, it's something that I feel I really want to experience and really have the chance to be a part of.

A child that is raised by two gay men or women in my opinion can receive just as good as care as in a straight family, there are enough examples of straight families that the child is abused or neglected or just not cared about.

I strongly believe that people, and no matter straight or gay first of all need to be a certain kind of person to be a good parent, and if you are willing to love your child, care for him and help him through the bad times you should be a parent, no matter who you share your life with.

Relating the NBA, the NCAA and sports, you see and hear to much of players that are 20-22 and already have kids, it's a age that they are still kids and still growing up.

In my opinion they are just hurting their child that won't necessarily receive the best care, and it has nothing to do with money, but with the warmth and the care that they won't receive. In a lot of cases the child is left with his mom, barely sees his dad, and I guess it's not the optimal childhood, but then again, that's just my opinion.

Back to kids who are in gay families, the question of the way they are raised also comes to mind, I know that I will raise my child to make his own decisions and chose his own way, but I'm guessing that there are gay couples and families that might want their kids to also be gay.

None of us know to a certainty how much effect, if at all, the family and the way a person grows up has an effect on someone's sexuality, but maybe their will be some pressure or expectations from the family. I'm not pointing this out as something good, or bad, it's just a way of thinking I guess.

I also believe that kids of gay couples will also be picked on at school sometimes and might have their bad times which they feel different and not accepted but again, I believe strongly that they can have just as good as of a childhood of any other kid, and maybe even better.

Like everything else in the last couple of years, I hear and read more and more about gay parents, I think it's something blessed. Just like I said before, I really believe that if you love your child and you are willing to do what's necessary to promise him a good childhood and you have the tools, both material and mental, then you are fit to be a parent in my book.

To finish up, here is a a song that just goes to show that not every parent is a good one, gay or straight :

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talkin' 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
He'd say "I'm gonna be like you dad
You know I'm gonna be like you"

my son turned ten just the other day
He said, "Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let's play
Can you teach me to throw", I said "Not today
I got a lot to do", he said, "That's ok"
And he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah
You know I'm gonna be like him"


  1. Hey Baller,

    Hope things are going good for you. I just have to comment on one statement you threw out there.
    "but I'm guessing that there are gay couples and families that might want their kids to also be gay."
    Most of the gay people I know that have children, whether single or coupled, do not hope that their child grows up gay. I think one of the main reasons is that as a parent do you want your child having to deal with the possibilty of societal stigma? Yeah, there might be some that hope that, but I think for the most part, those who have the maturity, and are having children because they feel the nurturing gene tugging at them, will/do raise their children to be accepting and free thinking, and knowing that they are supported regardless.
    Those are just some observations, and by no means do I claim to be an expert.

    Hope your season is still going (playoffs) and you have a great off-season. Any chances of getting picked up in the NBA? Take care.


  2. my partner helped raise his ex partner's biological son long before it was commonplace for gay couples to have children. His step son is now 28, and I can only identify a couple things about him that I think may be the result of being raised by a gay couple. First is unsurprising. He doesn't use anti-gay language, shows no aversion toward sexual minorities and tends not to engage in bull-shit male posturing. Aside from that, he is the most militantly atheist person I have ever met who did not themselves have a religious upbringing. I suspect he takes the homophobia of religion way more personally than his dads ever have.

    And his fathers certainly did not want him to be gay. Like most parents, they're impatiently demanding grand kids.