A Special Trip - Part Four

Hey Again

Back to the story:

I waited for him to text or call me in the last day so we could meet up, I knew he had to work late so I was patient and waited, didn't want to hassle and call or text, since I was the last one checking what’s up for tonight.

The time passed on and he didn't call, I was in my hotel and I was waiting, not to mention that since I started meeting him every day I stopped going out to clubs and bars, something that usually doesn't happen to me during vacation, guess I really felt something in that situation.

The time continued to move on and I heard nothing, just saw him online on facebook, but said I won't send anything; I don't want anything to come off as a petty meeting or something of the sort.

I went to sleep with a bad feeling and a big disappointment and didn't know how I would get out of this one with my heart in place and my head ready for basketball workouts and getting ready and in shape.

I already got to the airport in the morning and I logged on to my facebook, a minute after I logged in there was a long message from him, he apologized for not calling and not meeting, he said that he got back home and just passed out, after two nights with very bad sleep, that’s something I can relate to of course.

I must say that the message helped me out, I felt better and in less pain over the entire situation. I even got him something small, but didn't get the chance to give it, so he said I could do it the next time I come and visit him.

Now when I look at things, some thoughts come to mind, was it even serious, could it ever be, since we don't even live in the same country, or even close for now. How does he feel, was it a more friendly thing then I think, even thought I don't think that all the kissing and all the nights together, even though it was just "sleep over's", but I do think It meant something, but I also am not to formalized with the code of behavior in our WORLD.

My biggest question for myself was, is and will be did I fall in love with him, or with the idea of meeting up after all those years and having a great time. The option of talking to someone about what I really do and what I live for and things of that nature, it was great, really great.

Not having to make up stories about what I do and just being the same guy I am on a regular base and basically just taking two aspects of my life and combining them together for almost the first time.

After getting back home and meeting with two people who I talk to about everything I came to most of the conclusions I mentioned in this story, and could only fully realize after this had happened.

I know nothing good will come from a guy like this, I mean maybe if someone wants to be his friend, but be involved with him? I know that he is a teaser, just like I mentioned and once he hooks you, he just plays with you, and that’s exactly what happened to me.

No real relationship has to have all the suffering of not knowing what’s going on and always having to chase the other guy up. Also sharing some emotions and not hearing back also says something, just as him making me chase him around all the communication centers: phones, email, facebook and so on.

We haven’t kept in touch since, his gift was given to a friend and I stopped talking to him all together, the truth is that since I met him I knew he was a tease, he would be in touch with me and then disappear for 4 months and then the same would happen. He would always get back to me a couple a weeks after I looked for him, when it wasn’t relevant any more.

I still wish that it wasn’t the case and it did hurt a lot in the beginning but I guess the only right thing for me was to move on.
It brings up a big question, if I’m noticing that this is the kind of guys I’m falling for, why continue? If each one will just continue to frustrate me, why should I go ahead with it, maybe it’s better not trying then ending up suffering badly every time after.

This is a story that was hard for me to share, it shows that I’m also vulnerable like a lot of other people and that doesn’t matter how much success or happiness you have in one aspect of your life, it doesn’t say anything about other aspects.

I still sometimes think was it him or was it the idea and the teasing that I just got hooked on so fast, I guess I will find out after my next relationship, if it will come.

I will close with the question that I believe people have been asking and will continue asking for ages: Why do we continue doing things that in the process hurt us so much, I enjoyed my time with him and seeing each other, but all the other hours the pain and suffering was not something I ever felt before, so I guess nothing in life is perfect.